Bob Allen's Alibi--In His Own Words
By Nicole Belle Tuesday Aug 07, 2007 1:59pmOur buddy Scarce caught this CNN coverage of Florida Rep. Bob Allen's arrest...
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I've heard a few pick-up lines in my life (albeit, not usually in park bathrooms), but I gotta say that Allen's needs work.
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A preemptive blowjob?
Bob scared of big black men, Bob do anything to avoid getting his white ass kicked...
The kind of guy I'd like to order a Milk Shake from.
http://news.yahoo.com/photo/070808/480/b9739a95d4204596b622c007f4ee6b77
This is one jury I'd pay to be on. It would be better than any comedy club.
Judging from the spare tire, Bob Allen hasn't seen his own dick in a while.
Wow. That's perfect. Absolutely perfect.
What I love is the way the reporter talks about Allen's defense as if it's plausible. Did we really need to go to the civil rights guy to find out that Allen was racist as well self-hating homophobe?
what would bill bennett say... if he were a democrat.
but..but..there was NEGROES in the park...and I got all scared...n stuff.
Nothing like adding insult to injury you fat tub of lard.
It's so rich and thick and chocolate. Has a nice jingle to it.
Ted Haggard hits self in forehead:"Why didn't I think of that?".
joe cantwell @ 7:
Or if he were Bill Clinton...we would NEVER hear the end of it!
Even though Bill Bennett is an addicted degenerate gambler.
What a lying sack o' $hit! Who does he think he's fooling?!
Rusty Shackleford @ 5:
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
That is awesome! A preemptive blowjob.
"You have to blow them there or they might attack you here."
It's like Shock and Awe....only it's:
Suck and Pay!
He must have been pretty excited and all, just look
at those pokies.
casper46 @ 10:
"But guys - there was this naked, bent-over male prostitute with powdered crystal meth on his butt cheeks right in my hotel room and I was scared and I thought that if I snorted the meth and sodomized him and gave him a hundred bucks he'd let me get away!"
I'm surprised he wasn't wearing a Mumu.
First of all i can see by looking at him that this is not the first person he had to pay for sex. Secondly i have several stocky black friends and have yet to hear that some racist asshole who was afraid of them ever decided to get them to not be threatening by offering them money or a blow job.
For one moment let's assume (LOL!) that he is telling the truth. Do you want this guy to have any say in government?
Now let's look at it as a lie. This man is a racist moron and has even less of an opinion about us and how gullible we are than we do about him.
only in Fla...
xoites defends Constitution @ 18:
No shit! If he had a lick of sense he would of said he knew it was an undercover cop, and was testing him, you know, to see if he'd take a bribe. What a maroon. lol
Only in my state of Florida do you these this kinds of bizarro entertaining idiots. Do we have characters or what? If this one isn't weird enough for you, hang on, there'll be another one along any minute.
Fox news will either skip this story, or identify Allen as a Democrat. :D
He makes the Pillsbury Doughboy look like a triathlete.
We see Republican careers go down in flames when they are exposed for who they really are EVERY DAY! It is literally an endless parade of phonys and charlatans. If you're not busted for offering to pay to perform oral sex, you're making the worst foreign policy and military blunders in our nation's history. All because of poor or nonexistent planning and a lack of a contingency plan.
"I got an anonymous tip to come to this restroom! That was supposed to be the password to identify the caller!!" I mean, how hard is that!?!
I always presumed Carl Hiaasen is a fiction writer. Now I'm not so sure.
Wow. This is just comedy gold. I would love to see the unedited version of the conversation between him and the undercover cop.
What I love is that this douchebag gets arrested and he knows that the guy he propositioned is a cop, but still says to the other (white) cops, "hey, that's a pretty big black guy" like they would see where he's coming from because, hey, they're white. Being a white guy, I can't tell you how many times some racist ass-hat talks to me about minorities and expects me to "understand" because I'm white.
Either way, even if this guy is afraid for his life, if he wants protection,why would he offer to pay in addition to providing a (sex act)?
soothsayer @ 22:
You got that right!
Wow, this guy definitely spelled out his lesser of two evils: He'd rather be racist than gay.
Old Billy @ 26:
Or better yet, why would he offer to provide a sex act in addition to handing over money? If I were a mugger I think I'd be satisfied with just the money.
Are his offers what made the cops like him so much?
The funny (or not so funny) part is that if that defense is gonna work anywhere, it'll work in Florida!
He'll probably use some kind of reverse gay-dar beams defense.
pissed off patricia @ 21:
If only! If only we could keep all the assholes in Florida (of course we would send in the Marines to get you out!) But we have assholes all over the country. Agnew came from Maryland and he was not alone and did not grow up in a vacuum. Every state in the nation has it's share, believe me.
"But Florida's America's wang!"
10 Bucks that Fox doesn't cover this or labels him as a Democrat
I'm going to go out on a limb and say someone gets re-born real soon.
Ben @ 35:
bah nm, someone already beat me to it :)
Brings new meaning to sucking on the public's teats.
Wow the irony of it all. This is the reason they try to remove Clinton from office.
and now they still want people to vote for them in office. Where is this asshats shame?
Now he really has a reason to be scared, espeically if they send him to the Big House, where he's forced to become a prison bitch to members of the tats and cornrows crowd named Scooter, Bubba, LeRoy, Biscuit and Skillet.
I take it all back!!! I get it, now!!
He thought he was gonna get mugged, so offering the $20 would keep him from getting beaten up, but the blowjob would provide him with irrefutable DNA EVIDENCE to identify the attacker!! (soon to be a plot on "Law & Order"...)
Wow! He's good!!
you know this works really well for ladies too. if you're in a park in the men's bathroom, if you offer someone $20.00 if they'll LET YOU give them a b.j. not a single time have i been beaten up by a stocky black guy...p.s. this tactic also works with white guys,,,and hispanics,,and asians, etc.
Allen's excuse is what you hear from inmates in prison when they confront another more intimidating inmate or they need protection. Don't worry Allen. If you get convicted you can use that excuse all you want in the pen and no one will say a word! In fact, they will encourage it and you will end up a punk. :LOL:
Hell, walk into any bar on highway 50 between Bithlo and Titusville call "Unsolved Mysteries" and and say "They're all here". I'm a Fla native and it makes me sick.
He does look like Vito from Sopranos. We all know how Johnny cakes rolls..
Does anyone have a list of ALL the Repig congresspersons who have been involved in
scandals; sex or otherwise? The list must be growing and growing and if I were a Dem
in Congress or running for such an office in Nov. 08, I'd take such listing and shuff it
in the face of all the MSM; and especially use such scandals as an advertising piece
everywhere possible.
Well, he is now ruined, and, he should be. Better yet, this is how we will remember the end of John McCain's campaign.
Heck-of-a-job John....see ya.
Note to Mr. Allen: As a black man, I must say that if you're that frightened of us, and if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, a bribe of fried chicken and watermelon goes over much better to us than an offer of being fellated (even if it's accompanied by a reach-around).
Just when we were thinking that history always repeats itself...
Why is this news?
why is this news?WHY IS THIS NEWS?
why?
Poor guy wanted some action. This is not fair. Please stop talking about this!
Jenny'O @ 42:
Dammit! Our secret's out!
Republicna Perv list.....
http://www.armchairsubversive.org/
casper46 @ 36:
Or go into rehab.
That's a heckuva buzz kill, Morphie.
What we need is a reverse rapture. Something that will suck all the idiots away. Uh...did I just say suck?
If Allen is smart he will not mention what he got busted for or what his excuse was if or when he goes to prison. The response from the other inmates might be: "Really! Get on your knees fat so!"
The Hits Keep Comin':
http://www.news-tribune.net/breakingnews/local_story_219210228.html
Stupid Cracker.
Wait a minute, now that I think about it, that is what the rapture is.
The good news for him is that he will now have several years to practice giving blowjobs to large black men who really ARE going to kill him if he doesn't.
I don't really care if the guy wants to suck some other guy's dick in a bathroom. I could care less. If that's what he likes, and the other guy doesn't mind, power to 'em. It's when they lie about it, and have such utter contempt for themselves and their own desires and then insult us by making up such an absurd lie so they can try to perpetuate this "proper" image to everyone.
Once again, it's the cover-up that is bringing down a conservative, not his action. If he just said he likes to suck a dick every now and then, I wouldn't give a shit. But stick up for you are and don't insult the American people with such an obvious worse-than-a-5-year-old-could-come-up-with lie.
pussy_galore @ 57:
These Republican men I tell ya. They try to get into men or boys pants in the House of Representatives, in church, in a public restroom, and even when your trying to sleep. Is no place sacred to those pervs!
I can see it now. Inmate #1 "You wanna be the husband or the wife?". Inmate #2(Allen) "I'll be the husband". Inmate #1 sez "OK, come here and suck your wife's d@ck, then".
My 15 year old dog lies better than that.
I get the jokes, but this is truly sad. This poor bastards life as he knows it is over. He's probably been hiding his true self for his entire life-I know nothing of the guys politics, but I really hope that he has some support mechanism. This guy could be a prime candidate for attempting suicide.
Will I ever be allowed to comment? I don't understand why I'm suddenly being excluded from the forum. I've done nothing wrong, and I'm not a troll.
pinkobait @ 8:
So, his defense is that he sucked off someone in self defense?
I shudder to think what he'd do if he was confronted with deadly force.
pussy_galore @ 57:
What, he didn't claim that he wanted more time getting closer to his family...
who're trying to keep their distance?
Weird, my last five comments didn't show up, and now suddenly this one did.
'Here, take my wallet, my watch, my ring, but if you're gonna shoot me, do it in my mouth'.
Robertson and Dobson and Haggard (subbing for Falwell) are going to have a heavy load, rehabiliating this dweeb. At their ages (Robertson and Dobson), I doubt they'll be able to get it up often enough to get Allen through the whole process, so Haggard's going to have to carry most of the load.
Ted's gonna think he found Heaven, here on Earth.
Hate to burst your bubble folks, it's a misdemeanor offense especially if you don't have a prior record. Most likely he will do Community Service; ironic, seeing as he was paying to service a particular community.
: - O
Poor fat closet homo, reduced to anonymous sex in park restrooms while beating the drum so very loudly against said acts. He is the quintessential Republican!
"I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating to death
and there was oxygen in your BALLS!!"
Can you name the movie, and the actress who said it?
Maybe this outta shape doofus has heard THAT
a few times in his closeted life too?
Just think, republicans can start an entire new film genre,
no doubt entitled "Republican T-House Girls Gone Wild".
Starring that hot new talent Hot Lips Bob Allen,
costarring Ex Representative Mark Foley and his all
Boy Sex Organ Orchestra. Now appearing at the
Family Values Little Art Theater. Free admission
to all under 13 years of age.
Cameo appearance by the Newly reSanctified Most High Holy Reverend Ted Haggard.
Refreshments donated by the O'Lielee Falafel Corporation.
What I find so ironic(stupid) is that he chose to say such things AFTER he was arrested. I mean his defense is that he thought the big black guys were criminals so he decided to defend himself by committing another criminal act? Here comes the irony(stupidity) he was the only white guy in an area with a bunch of black guys and HE was the only one committing a crime. Why would he say such things? If anything he should step down for stupidity.
It was Female Trouble and Mink Stole said it. Hilarious!
Let us not forget his connection to John McCain.
He was a spokesmodel for the STRAIGHT talk express.
What has McCain said about it, or is he too busy buying rugs and sunshades in Bagdad with his BFF Mike Spence.
He bragged about what a great deal he got on products there, perhaps this guy could find a blow job for 20 buck in Bagdad. I know he could get blown up there for a lot less.
Neocons suck.
jack jett
www.jackejet.co
Thanks for the memory 72/Ruth
This guy is going to prison, right?
I hope he has a substantial amount of money aside (in 20 dollar bills), 'cause his worst nightmare bout to come true. bwahahah!
(I thought his arrest was one of the funniest bit of political news I ever read, but this one really tops it all)
bilhelm-X @ 75:
Indeed, Billhelm!
I think it's one of the most genius quotes EVER in movie history...
OK, so it ain't a "Rosebud!" or "Stelllllaaa!" - but it cuts like dagger!
Wanna hear something cool tho? Mink Stole is my neighbor
here in Atwater Village (LA 'burb) -- and she sells real estate now!
She's a very nice, sweet lady, too. And loathes Bush as much as I do!
but but Clinton 10+ years ago
.
His racial bigotry got the best of him and turned him into a salacious homosexual.
Gotta keep that racial bigotry a bit more guarded I must say.
Got macacca?
.
Udon Nomee @ 41:
Hahahahhahahhaha!
Well the strategy works! Monica Lewinsky was sent as a bait to get Bill Clinton out of the office.
I think Congressional members are farting in the office for too long; they need to leave.
More you stay the more dangerous their role becomes. They are too comfortable and are usurping the power.
Only scandal can make them leave. LOL
His defense would be more compelling if he paired up with the Florida Young Repug and claimed he did it all while he was sleepwalking.
These people make me embarrassed to be gay.
Well..... britney spears says the black guy was driving, fox news minions blamed the black people in katrina for not leaving before the hurricane hit, rush "limpbaugh" blames the black male virility for his use of viagra, sean hannity blames the black civil rights leaders for standing up for black issues which he claims is ruining America, so REPUBLICAN bob allan is just a part of the neocon "macaca" establishment.
So many of these republican rubber-stampers are closeted self-hating gays. They spend their careers hurting and discriminating against their own kind. The ignorance and hipocracy is staggering. You can't accept yourself for what you are because you hate your self politically. ouch. headache.
I guess it makes sense in one way. 90% of the Republican party is voting against their own best interests because they blindly follow spin and propoganda. So why not dedicate your life to serving a party that hates you.
As far as I am concerned they can be the poor, stupid bastards they are. The problem is they are dragging the rest of us down with them.
We have a few stupid bastards of our own to be dealt with. Starting with the bastards that voted for that new FISA deal.
Bobbin........ That sounds about right for a nicname....
Bobbin the Knob Allen.....JD
The real crime was that yellow shirt.
B
This stuff is so boring, it isn't news.
I went looking for some newsy republican sex items, but I searched the web with all the engines, and I couldn't find a single expose of some male republican politician having heterosexual sex with his own female wife.
Guess it's a slow news day.
So Jumbotron was planning to lure the guy out of the bathroom and make a run for it?! If the scary black men don't get him, the cardiac arrest will.
And no one's gonna want to resuscitate him, knowing where that mouth has been....
Allen sure blew his chance for the presidency, guess he'll have to settle for the #2 spot.
That's a fellatious defense.
I agree with Rusty up-thread.
I can definitely see where "Big-Bob" would have to pay for sex. Two words Bob: Gold's Gym. Think about it.
Looking at this loser is there any wonder why he'd feel he'd have to pay some guy $20 to let HIM give the guy a blow job??
He has bigger tits than Condi Rice.
grand old party indeed!
The thing for Bob Allen to do is stay out of them places! Guess he just couldn't help himself.
$20 for a BJ?
I had no idea that was the rate. Got to love cheap labor! No wonder they're against raising min wages. keep people desperate and they'll blow for $20.
Good Grief. Doesn't this sound like a scene right out of Little Britain?! 'I've come here today to address the public on matters recently reported in the media.... as I slipped, his penis fell into my mouth accidentally and as I tried to stand up, I slipped again...and again and again..."
They had WMDs! Wankers of Mass Dimensions... A Preemptive Suck was needed!
Who needs Larry Flynt with clowns like this?
Listen to the reporter say the last two words in this clip. It will make you horny!
Pechorin @ 95:
Ah, but Barbara Bush Sr. has a bigger tallywhacker!
paranoia ... I think you missed the story. Bob Allen paid the officer $20 so that Bob could fellate the officer.
Who knew that was only the setup to the real punchline ... his defense.
Truth is stranger than fiction LOL
"He was Black!"
candideinnc @ 84:
He isn't gay. Gay men lead open lives and don't have to stoop to this kind of behavior. This is a self-loathing closet case. He can earn the title of gay when he comes out and apologizes for his past, like David Brock.
Udon Nomee @ 41:
Please don't give him any ideas.
Typical fake christian republican. Nothing new here, move along.
I could see this incident as a "ripped from the headlines" episode on Law & Order - SVU.
Imagine what Ice-T would do with Allen's character...
Just another lying, Rethug. that loves the feeling of Dicks in his mouth.
It's about time we start the GOP gay pool.
Works the same way as a dead pool but instead of celebrating death we celebrate republican who find their pot "o" gold under, over, or behind the Rainbow..Fabulous.
Here's my first round pick.
Gary Bauer- President of Amerikan Values and former GOP Presidential candidate.
Get this man an O.J. Jury
I can't say that I have ever been in a situation where I was scared and felt that paying a stranger for sex would somehow solve the problem. Should you find yourself in a seedy part of town and feel uneasy, simply offer to blow a stranger for $20 and everything will be ok. Surely it won't draw attention or anything.
he's another Rep with a "Dickie-Do", (hassert another)
"Dickie-Do"? you ask.
His stomach sticks out farther than his dickie do!!!
GOP gay pool
My 2nd round pick....Sen Lindsay Graham of of South Carolina- graduated from the University of South Carolina the "Gamecock's"
Come on, give the guy a break, he was thirsty and just got confused between having one good stiff drink & drinking a good stiff one.
Mike Allen: a Log Grabbin' Republican.
GOP- party of Lincoln, but loves 'em some Johnson!
GOP= Gaydar On, Please
The arresting officer's name was........... Heywood Jablowmey.
Mike Allen was just trying to subdue the scary black man with a wrestling move- the "double lip lock on the love muscle".
No wonder tub-o-lard Bob didn't want the blow job.
You'd have to have an anteater's mouth to get to that guy's cock.
Look on the bright side: If every man had Mike Allen's attitude, there would be no wars.
But there might be some big, tough black guys afraid to go into a public restroom.
Whoops, I meant Bob Allen. Mike's okay, as far as I know.
Udon Nomee @ 24:
Whether the pun was intentional or not, this makes my day. Thanks for the laugh.
Allen must think he gives some terribly good head.
His excuse is up there with Romney's for why his sons aren't in the army.
I liked the alternative offered by TDS's John Oliver:
"I had a splitting headache and the officer had an Advil stuck on the head of his..."
oh that's why they needed separate bathrooms for blacks to prevent such solicitations, standby for legislation that protects america's closet gop suckers.
Are Republicans all just fucking stupid or what? Blame the black guy as usual. I hope there are a bunch of angry black voters on the jury when his ass goes to trial. Fucking weasel.
Jeffq @ 127:
Come on, Allen just checked page 666 of his Susan Smith Handbook and
that was the answer - blame a Black guy.
Having watched on the web Bill o''s rant about the yearly Kos, and showing that "vile" photoshop montage of Liebermann on his knees in front of Dubya, it seems that it gets harder every day to do political satire.
What was supposed to be pushing the envelope turns out to be SOP for the Republicans.
I just never get tired of this sort of thing. It's like a good knock knock joke, I fall for it every time. Just as an aside, I don't know if I'm alone on this but it seems like every time I feel threatened or scared I have this compulsion to pay someone to let me give them a hummer. Hey wait a minute, is that why my husband keeps jumping out from behind the couch and scaring me and then I'm all like " AAAHHHH!!! hold on let me get my wallet, do you have change for a 50.00?"
Is this what Jack Bauer would do when he's confronted?
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