I told my impressionable (and psychotic) first wife that if she needed proof of evolution, just look at people. They all have monkey features. Just think about it as you watch people and you'll soon see it. A few days later she was furious, everyone she saw started looking like a monkeys to her.
Sun, 10/28/2007 - 16:12 — Prof. Geo. E. Challenger (not verified)
"Why thank you." Usually, I like my babies deep fried and stuffed with kittens and puppies, but baby tartar is alrigtht with me and the missus." A gleeming Benito Guiliani said after being presented with the child.
Sun, 10/28/2007 - 16:16 — Chicago Joe (not verified)
Look honey, she'll be my sixth wife by 2027! Would you like a piece of her now? With luck, she won't have your frighteningly high hair line and love of animals!
Sun, 10/28/2007 - 16:28 — Chicago Joe (not verified)
Pssst, hey kid - act like you love me on camera and I'll squeak your parents into the S-CHIP program when I weasel and exploit my way into the Oval Office...sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Sun, 10/28/2007 - 16:30 — Space Coyote (not verified)
"ho ho ho ho ho!!!" "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!"
"ha ha ha ha ha!!!" "mommmmmyyyyyyyy!!!!" "mua ha ha ha ha!!!"
"hee hee hee!!!" why, god, why???? O, mighty volcano god! we offer unto thee....
(doesn't it look like he's trying to dig around with his left index finger? If it weren't for the fact that it's digging at the wrong end, I might think he was searching for the soft spot in the head so he'll know where to put in the soda straw...)
Rudy "Oh (insert multiple four letter swear words here)! Where did this one come from?" (think Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons)
Baby "ARGH! get me away from here - NOW! WAAAAAH!!!!"
Lady "Stop whinging the both of you...."
Madam! Your kid just swallowed my american flag pin, thus negating my proof of being patriotic. There is only one choice in this matter, and that is to water board to suspect until he tells me where he put my pin or until it returns itself.
"Why thank you." Usually, I like my babies deep fried and stuffed with kittens and puppies, but baby tartar is alrigtht with me and the missus." A gleeming Benito Guiliani said after being presented with the child.
Hush little baby, 9-11.
Mama's gonna buy you a 9-11.
And if that 9-11 don't 9-11.
Mama's gonna 9-11, 9-11.
And 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9
9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9...
This mother and child remind us of the importance of family values in America. We must never forget that marriage is a sacred union between one man, his cousin and a couple of other chicks.
If only this kid were Rudy's, Daddy Rudy might be able to convince this child to vote for him if he promises to change the kid's diapers. We know that Rudy's older kids have seen Daddy Dearest for what he really is and will never vote for him. Familiarity bred contempt and sense in the children.
"To prove to you how willing I am to lead our nation at war, and the lengths to which I'm willing to go to for your protection, I'm going to demonstrate enhanced interrogation techniques on this child."
"Ever since 9/11, I've come to recognize just how precious these--- these--- babies? Is that what you call them? Ok. These babies are. They're almost human! Did I mention 9/11? Ok, good."
This is what happens when Rudy goes pumpkin picking,he get distracted talking about all the great stuff he did in NEW YORK and runs off with a baby in a pumpkin costume.(NOT A CAPTION)
Ghouliani: Hey folks what do you think of my 9/11 line of baby products? He's wearing 9/11 diapers, wrapped in a 9/11 blanket, has a cute 9/11 doll in there, and has a candy cane fresh from my line of 9/11 candy products. I also sell 9/11 baby monitors produced by Motorola.
Having made his selection; Rudy holds the child, in plain view of the "CCTV". "Can we get these parents a diplomatic position in China? I need to "harvest" its brain...mine is gone and ready for transplant."
"Welcome Mrs. Big Baby, thank you very much for offering your child as General Patreus' and George Bush's new military advisor. We will call him...Mini-War-Czar.
We are eternally proud of the commitment you have made in order to fight this war on terror. With the continued failure of intelligence brought on by the CIA (not us of course), your baby will be an advisor who is respected and should finally convince everyone that the War-Czar's opinion has not been influenced by the propaganda of either myself or the President.
What's that?
OK, sure, he can't read or write. But neither Bush nor I can read or write too, we have people to do that for us.
What? He can't talk?
Don't worry, that won't be a problem. Since when has talking properly been a requirement of our team anyway? His first word will for sure be more sophisticated than "Nucular". He's got that going for him. At least "baba" is father in Cantonese. You know what? Your demands are unrealistic and those thoughts are giving the terrorists a feeling of comfort. Stop helping the enemy.
Boy, this baby is so big that Rove may just have some competition in the White House annual Crow-eating contest. His championship is in jeopardy, I'll warn him.
Don't worry, we will take very good care of him, so good in fact, that he won't ever have to read or write, or even talk properly at all during his tenure. We will voice him over. When the American people start to sense that something funny is going on, we will just hold a fake news conference at the Little Who Can Make the Water the Blackest contest, I'll get all the other White House babies to ask your kid some key questions like how to communicate that he pooped and needs changing.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the USA, I hereby name Little Baby Creamsicle as the country's newest Mini-War-Czar. This war on terror will be won, and we have the secret weapon.
.
.
.
Hey what's that smell? Uh oh, it looks like Mini-War-Czar wants to say something.
Fingers, please do NOT start probing - people are watching.
Fingers, PLEASE do NOT start probing - people are watching.
FINGERS, PLEASE do NOT start probing - people are watching.
FINGERS, PLEASE do NOT start probing - PEOPLE ARE WATCHING!
OK FINGERS, just a couple little probes - but wait until I find an excuse to turn around.
Hush little baby, 9-11.
Mama's gonna buy you a 9-11.
And if that 9-11 don't 9-11.
Mama's gonna 9-11, 9-11.
And 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9
9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9...
11.
This one's my favorite, but all are so funny! Thanks you guys, I needed a good laugh!
(
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The little bald guy needs his nappy changed... and so does the baby!
Who's the monster holding the pumpkin?
"Oh shit"
911, 9-11, nine eleven, 911, 9-11, nine eleven, 911, 9-11, nine eleven,
okay, take off the masks, you're frightening the baby.
October surprise! Do your duty, Rootie!
The Primates are are all grunting or crying!! or de-evolution at is finest....
Now this is an example of torture (the baby to Rudy)
The baby was overheard exclaiming :
"Just because this jackass dresses like a woman doesn't mean he is one and can breast-feed me".........
"This one looks just fine for carving. Oh? It's a baby? Just as well..."
And they don't believe in evolution?
I told my impressionable (and psychotic) first wife that if she needed proof of evolution, just look at people. They all have monkey features. Just think about it as you watch people and you'll soon see it. A few days later she was furious, everyone she saw started looking like a monkeys to her.
It is only a matter of perception...
"Rudy Giuliani enjoyed a quick meal at an early morning fundraising event today..."
The baby was just told that these are his parents ...........
Rudy: "Now I don't have to worry about what to have for dinner...."
Of course I know it's not a pot luck fund raiser. I just want to be sure I get to eat what I like for a change.
Rudy meets his next two wives.
Does he taste like a Pumpkin too?
"Aww...
Looks like another one hates me"
HELP ! the bald man has three nipples.
Commenters @ #12 and 14. Glad to see I'm not the only sick bastard here.
"Why thank you." Usually, I like my babies deep fried and stuffed with kittens and puppies, but baby tartar is alrigtht with me and the missus." A gleeming Benito Guiliani said after being presented with the child.
Dinner Time
Definitely feeling safe in old Rudy's hands....NOT!
Bring me baties! I must FEED!!!!
"Instead of providing health care for this baby, I would rather pay money to the next-of-kin of a dead Iraqi."
Young Johnathan is suprised to find that Count Dracula is much more frightening in person than on Sesame Street.
Rudy: "9 pounds 11 ounces"
Rudi: "Oh my! All I did was tell him the draft would be reinstated LONG before he's 18!"
How can you be a father of several children and still hold a baby in such an inept way?
"It's mine? I... I thought you were a man!"
whodatbaby'sdaddyis?
Aww how cute.....the baby is wearing his Gitmo prison costume!!
Look honey, she'll be my sixth wife by 2027! Would you like a piece of her now? With luck, she won't have your frighteningly high hair line and love of animals!
"Can't talk yet? A little waterboarding and you'll talk"
This looks delicious! It isn't one of mine, is it?
I thought this was going to be cooked first?
Look at how he's holding the baby, how can we expect he'll cradle the constitution.
I'll hold anyone's fucking baby if it makes you vote for me!
"I want a divorce!"
Pediatrician: "And HOW did your child get an american flag pin embedded in his ear?"
Coochie coochie coo, there'll be no college for you.
Why do all three of these people have their mouths hanging open?
Because none of their brains are fully developed.
Cackling with glee, the witch and the warlock carry the baby off to their stewpot.
Awwwwwwww, no thanks. I have three that hate me already!!
Where is a trash can when you need one?
If you can just get the little bastard out of my hands 'til the election, lady...
Baby: "Not another Republican in the white house! waaaaaH!"
Rudy: "9/11 9/11 9/11"
A fascist and an orangutan torture a human baby
Him "This is another enemy combatant, look he's already dressed for Gutanamo bay"
Her "Nooooooooooooooooo"
# 27 digusted in St Louis
You made my day!!! ROFL
"You know, I personally saved 1000 babies on 9/11."
If I got one of these every time I got a piece on the side, I'd have a couple of bus loads following me around.
Pssst, hey kid - act like you love me on camera and I'll squeak your parents into the S-CHIP program when I weasel and exploit my way into the Oval Office...sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
"Yep... I'm definitely pro-choice again."
Originally on the Daily Show website, but still funny, "No way, lady. You had three chances to guess my name. The baby is mine, fair and square!"
"ho ho ho ho ho!!!"
"waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!"
"ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
"mommmmmyyyyyyyy!!!!"
"mua ha ha ha ha!!!"
"hee hee hee!!!"
why, god, why????
O, mighty volcano god! we offer unto thee....
(doesn't it look like he's trying to dig around with his left index finger? If it weren't for the fact that it's digging at the wrong end, I might think he was searching for the soft spot in the head so he'll know where to put in the soda straw...)
Crying's for terrorists, little one...you don't want to be put on the watch list, do you???
Throw them a fish !
Look, its another volunteer for the War of Terror!
Rudy "Oh (insert multiple four letter swear words here)! Where did this one come from?" (think Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons)
Baby "ARGH! get me away from here - NOW! WAAAAAH!!!!"
Lady "Stop whinging the both of you...."
where is my tiara?
"This little guy is proof that I REALLY AM pro-life!"
Aw, how cute! Guiliani's hands are burning the baby.
Not only am I personally responsible for saving NYC, but here is living proof that my heroic deeds have enabled the human race to continue on.
Even a baby can see right through him...
"I must FEED! Bring me puppies and delicious babies."
Hey, this kid looks just like my good buddy Bernard...
Baby: Please make this man take his fingers out of my little butt.
"How long before this one can go to Iraq?"
Say SATAN... can you say SATAN.... say SATAN...
Rudy gets introduced to mini Rudy
bigbrother2084 @ 4:
And how!
Rudy must have told him that he is going to be next President ..The thought of that affects me the same way
this is my sacrificial offering to my neo con cabal!
Rudy:
"The color of resistance! It burns, IT BURNS!!!"
btw, I am voting for #27 as the No-Prize Winner for this caption contest. Awesome!
God, you guys are sick, but very funny.
Disgusted in St. Louis @ 27:
HAHAHAHA Winner.
Madam! Your kid just swallowed my american flag pin, thus negating my proof of being patriotic. There is only one choice in this matter, and that is to water board to suspect until he tells me where he put my pin or until it returns itself.
Phil @ 77:
the winner!
Prof. Geo. E. Challenger @ 21:
Absolutely hilarious!
"A baby reacts appropriately to Republican presidential candidate Rudy Gulliani's foreign policy strategy and plans to bomb Iran."
At 9 days, 11 hours old, Boris and Natasha's latest exploit is all for Rudy in '08! See???
Don't worry about that massive Neocon deficit you're inheriting from us, kiddo! We sure had a great time at your expense!
This thing can't vote. Fuck it
I would title this: "Always trust a child's instinct"
Hey, look everybody! This is the 911th baby born since I started counting!
OMG, my eyes are bleeding from viewing that picture!
And I see there are some other Stephanie Miller listeners on this thread LOL
Gouliani: Feeding Time
Mother: Nooooooo.....
"No, noooo it's not mine. Not mine at all. I have never philandered and...well, ALMOST never. And besides, what about 911?"
OOOUUGh. More children to sacrifice on te alter of the New World Order. (Arnold S.type accent)
UUUGGAAAGHHH Islamo fascist cannon faudder.
You will have not future in My Neofeudalist state.
two well known opportunists!
geez, she looks like the Joker from Batman,,,,,,,,
"Woman shows off her successful Jay Leno Chin Transplant."
Fruity Rudy, Pumpkin-Eater
Had a wife and couldn't keep her
So he ran for President and then
Spent his days invoking 9-11.
Gayliani: "No no, let me guess his weight..." (drumroll.........) "9 lbs. 11 oz ?"
Nathan: That baby screeched so loud it almost cracked my (fake) face.
Hush little baby, 9-11.
Mama's gonna buy you a 9-11.
And if that 9-11 don't 9-11.
Mama's gonna 9-11, 9-11.
And 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9
9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9...
11.
What is the result of marrying your cousin nicknamed "Pumpkin"?
3 seconds left on the clock...Giuliani steals the ball..he shoots. He scores!
oh yeah, with a nice teriyaki marinade, this is going to tender, fragrant, and just plain delicious!
We've concluded that there are no gold bars left in this child's costume. Dump it in the Fresh Kills Landfill.
Christ they're ugly!!! No wonder that baby is screaming...
Damien meets his dad. Doesn't go well, does it?
Baby: "Get your f**cking fingers out of my ass! Who do you think I am, Larry Craig?"
Well, at least someone has good taste in people.
YUM, Dinner!!!
"we're taking our child to see its Godfather Bernie Kerik in prison"-Judy
So it's true after all -- if you're really, really insincere, the great Sasquash will rise from the squash patch!
This mother and child remind us of the importance of family values in America. We must never forget that marriage is a sacred union between one man, his cousin and a couple of other chicks.
If only this kid were Rudy's, Daddy Rudy might be able to convince this child to vote for him if he promises to change the kid's diapers. We know that Rudy's older kids have seen Daddy Dearest for what he really is and will never vote for him. Familiarity bred contempt and sense in the children.
Orange jumpsuit, check. Now it's off to Gitmo with you.
Alternative:
Number two? This diaper feels like a freaking 911!
I just hope the baby is not a girl.
Rudy will be dating her when she's older.
Here is the camera angle they DIDN'T publish...
F$%k you, Gouliani
"To prove to you how willing I am to lead our nation at war, and the lengths to which I'm willing to go to for your protection, I'm going to demonstrate enhanced interrogation techniques on this child."
"Ever since 9/11, I've come to recognize just how precious these--- these--- babies? Is that what you call them? Ok. These babies are. They're almost human! Did I mention 9/11? Ok, good."
GUILIANI HOOOONNNNGRY!!!
...OK, now where's that Colbert Bump?...
Blah. Blah? Blah. WAHH!!! Wah? WHAAA! BLAH!! BLAH?!? BLAH!!! WAHHH!!! Wha? WHAAAA!!! No, BLAH!!!
I'd like you to meet the fourth and last soon to be Mrs. Giuliani..
This is NOT torture ... I'll show you torture!!
Don't cry ... I had to water board you ... I thought you had a bomb in your diaper.
Rudy: “9 pounds 11 ounces”
#27, that is pretty brilliant.
zane @ 79:
I third that.
I will say a prayer for the baby.
I'm gonna marry this one some day!!!!!
Old Billy @ 123:
I'll fourth. ;) That wins, hands down.
No, can't use it...the kid's already born.
The kid looks like Churchill, Rudy still looks like an asshole.
Rusty Shackleford @ 48:
You win. Shit, she does look like an orangutan!
This is what happens when Rudy goes pumpkin picking,he get distracted talking about all the great stuff he did in NEW YORK and runs off with a baby in a pumpkin costume.(NOT A CAPTION)
It rubs the lotion on it's skin!
"...lovely with a bit of fava beans ...(phh phh phh phhhH) "
Must eat brains!
From the kid: "Don't let this idiot mess me up like he messed up his kids!"
Rudy saves another child from the horrors of a liberal parent.
Ghouliani: Hey folks what do you think of my 9/11 line of baby products? He's wearing 9/11 diapers, wrapped in a 9/11 blanket, has a cute 9/11 doll in there, and has a candy cane fresh from my line of 9/11 candy products. I also sell 9/11 baby monitors produced by Motorola.
Mmmm, Babies make us hungry.
Having made his selection; Rudy holds the child, in plain view of the "CCTV". "Can we get these parents a diplomatic position in China? I need to "harvest" its brain...mine is gone and ready for transplant."
Look what I "found" in my publicly-financed office July 11, 2002...
"Welcome Mrs. Big Baby, thank you very much for offering your child as General Patreus' and George Bush's new military advisor. We will call him...Mini-War-Czar.
We are eternally proud of the commitment you have made in order to fight this war on terror. With the continued failure of intelligence brought on by the CIA (not us of course), your baby will be an advisor who is respected and should finally convince everyone that the War-Czar's opinion has not been influenced by the propaganda of either myself or the President.
What's that?
OK, sure, he can't read or write. But neither Bush nor I can read or write too, we have people to do that for us.
What? He can't talk?
Don't worry, that won't be a problem. Since when has talking properly been a requirement of our team anyway? His first word will for sure be more sophisticated than "Nucular". He's got that going for him. At least "baba" is father in Cantonese. You know what? Your demands are unrealistic and those thoughts are giving the terrorists a feeling of comfort. Stop helping the enemy.
Boy, this baby is so big that Rove may just have some competition in the White House annual Crow-eating contest. His championship is in jeopardy, I'll warn him.
Don't worry, we will take very good care of him, so good in fact, that he won't ever have to read or write, or even talk properly at all during his tenure. We will voice him over. When the American people start to sense that something funny is going on, we will just hold a fake news conference at the Little Who Can Make the Water the Blackest contest, I'll get all the other White House babies to ask your kid some key questions like how to communicate that he pooped and needs changing.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the USA, I hereby name Little Baby Creamsicle as the country's newest Mini-War-Czar. This war on terror will be won, and we have the secret weapon.
.
.
.
Hey what's that smell? Uh oh, it looks like Mini-War-Czar wants to say something.
This is why I favor abortion rights.
Fingers, please do NOT start probing - people are watching.
Fingers, PLEASE do NOT start probing - people are watching.
FINGERS, PLEASE do NOT start probing - people are watching.
FINGERS, PLEASE do NOT start probing - PEOPLE ARE WATCHING!
OK FINGERS, just a couple little probes - but wait until I find an excuse to turn around.
"9/11 islamofascists did it, trust me! *cough9/11cough*"
"I don't know about you, but I'm not paying for this kids health care! He will just have to find a job with decent coverage"
THEY LIVE
Sorry kid, no healthcare for you.
Jason @ 97:
This one's my favorite, but all are so funny! Thanks you guys, I needed a good laugh!
Must be one of those bleeding heart Liberals...just think dear, if the war goes on as long as we plan, he'll just be about old enough to go.
Rudy: Man that's one full diaper. Reminds me of me.
OOOPS- call me butterfingers!
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