The Colbert Report: Oil Profiteering
By Nicole Belle Thursday May 08, 2008 2:00pm
Stephen Colbert looks at the miraculous profits realized by oil companies despite their claim of the high cost of providing the oil.
Download | play 
Download | play (h/t Bill W)
As you can see here, 72% goes to the price of crude oil. Another 16% is eaten up by refining, distribution and service stations, and the last 12% is taken away by taxes. That is a total of 100%. That is right, Nation. Oil is a zero-profit business. [..]
And yet somehow, in 2007, Exxon/Mobil earned $1,300 a second. $1,300. Yes, that’s a lot of money, but it is an unlucky number of 100s. Nation, that means even though 100% of gasoline prices are canceled out by costs, these companies are somehow able to wring mind-bending revenue out of their not-for-profit venture. I think it’s pretty impressive.
Login or Register to post comments.
Foist?
Colbert rocks.
Fuzzy math?
I'm amazed that Big Oil can afford to stay in business!!!
Maybe they should try producing alternative fuels. Or maybe they should just stop telling lies.
only in america!!!!!
BOYCOTT OIL!!!!
i am now biking and metrolinking to work.
the car is parked. i can walk to the grocery store.
i know metrolink is coal fired electricity, but i'm 15 miles from work!!
Boycott cable news and oil for a better America.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=air+car&search_type=
im doing my bit also, i have a genuine rickshaw that i use to get to the store for food , but my wifes a whiner ! she complains the handals hurt her hands when she pulls it fast!
They may be right. Gasoline may be selling at cost.
So welfare queen subsidies are up to $40 billion now?
That's Republican Capitalism at work! Free money, billed to the taxpayer, so long as you sell at cost!
We'll probably have to increase corporate welfare queen subsidy program as November nears. As oil prices rise, we'll have to bribe the oil industry with increasing quantities of cash, to encourage them not to sell gasoline at a profit, until the election is decided.
then after November, they can safely run gasoline prices past $5 / gallon.
tyree @ 7:
Geeezz tyree, breakdown already.
buy her some gloves.
tyree @ 7:
I had the same problem with my wife...tell her to push.
The rich get bigger yachts...the poor get less food
http://cannibalplanet.blogspot.com/2008/04/richer-get-richerthe-poor-get...
It's about frickin' time!!! I've been waiting for someone of Stephen's magnitude... yep magnitude... to speak out about these obscene profits the oil cartel are making while consumers are being held hostage. WTF!!!! Boycott and boycott those ba$tards some more!
StevePam @ 10:
well i thought about that but whos going to stear it! and mudshark id buy her some gloves but shed complain even if i stoped cracking the whip over her head!
So basically what the oil companies are saying is that:
Taxes + Production and Distribution Costs + Other Costs + All Profit = 100% of the total cost of the consumer?
Words fail me.
Shan @ 14:
That should read "to the consumer".
So that word failure aside ...
It's mathematically impossible to report high profits and high costs. The classic business equation is revenue-costs=profits. Even if more units are being sold, then more costs will be involved and and percentage of profit virtually unchanged.
tyree @ 13:
hahahaha! Tyree, your wife is so lucky to have a good man who treats her right!
By the way the math is thus: $1300 a second for year in profits does equal the 41 Billion they reported as profit last year. Profits that have doubled since Bosh & Co. took office.
Clinton. (Oil Per Barrel) 1998 11.61
So the poor poor put upon oil corporations just can't make a real cent off this endeavor... Makes ya wonder why they even try given it's such a crappy way to make a buck....(Yawn...) riiight, tell me another fairy tale....JD
How I feel today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0oALRL7uyY
And those Snorg Tees Ads don't help.
Why not more ads for Ann Coulter?
miss_kitty @ 17:
yes she certainly is ,i keep telling her that hell i even finally let her wear shorts while she pulls for more ventilation , and she still wasnt happy, we all have to sacrifice she just needs more time to come around !
LOL! Just like those "not for profit" mega churches. They don't make a penny either.
tyree @ 7:
Tyree! That's awful!
By her some gloves!
Ah dammit...a bit slow on the draw today I reckon.
liberalHUSSEINmoderation @ 24:
oh okay ill check the thrift stores and find some woth the cloth still on the palms ,dont want to go to wallmart ,dam chinese crap!
I'm sorry to burst your bubble. It doesn't cost them any more to get the oil out of the ground than it did 10+ years ago.
Hey, folks. Just thought I'd point something out...
What the oil companies are saying is actually literally true. What they're leaving //out// is that the "cost of production" includes their profit margin. Oil's cost of production per barrel is still extremely low. It is the cost of //purchasing// oil that's exhorbitantly high. So what you're seeing is the oil being played on the commodities market, distributed to the refineries via said market, and then it's all downhill from there.
So yes, //gasoline production// is a zero-profit game for the oil companies. But //oil production// is where the money is.
tyree @ 26:
LMAO!!!
Nah...man, get her some of those oversized boxing gloves! And send pictures for chrissakes!
Colbert needs to point out that most of the profits are being made in speculation (gambling) and futures.
And Exxon Mobil also has it's own oil reserves it pumps crude from with an estimated 13.6 billion barrels in reserve.
His basic point is as always we're getting screwed.
liberalHUSSEINmoderation @ 28:
jesus how long do you think it would be for me to lose a good thing after she found out i was doing that?
Oh I get it now.
This is why oil revenues are failing to cover 100% of the Iraq war/Occupation/rebuilding effort.
Can you imagine what the oil shills were thinking after this; "Perhaps we pushed this a bit -- maybe we should have show a few percent profit." Yeah, all the crooks have had it so good and they've gotten careless.
When are we going to put the military and all those embassies protecting the Oil routes on the Exxon bill?
L.A. Confidential @ 29:
I wish.
makes you wonder at wich gas station the revoluting thats comeing will start at!
Rassmussen begins focusing polling on Obama V. McCain. http://rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/election_20082/2008_...
Drop out now with dignity Hillary for the good of the party and the country.
tyree @ 30:
Hahahahaaaa! Probably not very long Tyree...unless you're real slick about it.
We have an oil man for president.
I wonder if we could've seen this coming?
This is what we need our candidate to throw support behind.
http://www.greenstrides.com/2008/04/01/algae-could-prove-to-be-the-best-...
http://www.popularmechanics.com/automotive/new_cars/4217016.html
I know Obama would win by a LANDSLIDE if he would apply the technology we already have available.
He would get Dems,indies,repubs...hell he might even get Hillary supporters; )
It's not like we need some new invention...this stuff has been around for a while,tested and proven...no more excuses!
Not that we need it,by the way, oil will drop soon...the surge is working pretty well.>snark<
tyree @ 35:
Does it matter? They're all more crookeder'n hell!
Gasoline is basically a waste by-product on a barrel of oil, what do you think polyester and plastic are made out of. Oil companies make more money on asphalt than gasoline the bastards could give it away for nothing and make money.
Why is it I can get more actual, accurate information from a coupla comedy shows than I can get from all the "serious" news programs ever made?
Let us not forget that the 12% tax goes to Big Oil's welfare subsidy anyway, therefore the McCain/Clinton gas tax holiday would result in Big Oil raising the price 12% to maintain their margin. And, of course, at the end of the holiday - shock and awe!!! - the tax is back on the now higher cost of fuel. Happy Holidays, y'all.
Gotta love election time gimmicks.
rickshaw...heheheh, funny. I wonder if I can build one from bicycle parts, my wife needs the exercise.
StevePam @ 39:
Oh SHIT! I'm gettin me one of them aircars!
wldj @ 41:
Diesel is a byproduct of gasoline....how the efword can it cost more at the pump?
StevePam @ 45:
Until last year it didn't.
liberalHUSSEINmoderation @ 44:
Better move to France,Australia or India because our infinately wise government refuses to allow them here.They are no good for capitolism because of lack of demand....makes perfect sense to me....NOT!
Uh, Tyree? where'd you get the rickshaw?
StevePam @ 47:
They ARE, after all...looking out for OUR BEST INTERESTS! Why do you hate Amurka?
StevePam @ 47:
There's a GLEE convention or whatever they call it...I think it's the green living and environmental somethin or other...but my dad saw a friggin solar-electric powered speed boat headin there....I'm gonna be checkin that shit out yo!
I might take some pics and share wit yous guys...if you all behave over the weekend.
Corporate anarchy.
What is Obama's short term solution?
liberalHUSSEINmoderation @ 50:
AHA!! I remember now! Green Living and Environmental Expo!
Hawt dayum I'm a smarty!
$1300 a second. But that's only $77,000 a minute. Wait until oil hits $200 a barrel.
BREAKING:
We are saved!
I just heard Bush WILL allow air cars in if someone from a terrorist state can figure out a way to drill for the fuel and sell it by the barrel!
The US is still one of the cheapest places in the world to buy gas. The real problem is that conservation is actively discouraged in our warped model of capitalism. If nobody bought gas-guzzlers, the manufacturers couldn't offer them for sale.
If you really want to buck the system, trade down to the minimum car that will work for you. We drive an old Honda Civic CX that cost under $4000 several years ago, does 40 mpg and is incredibly reliable. Another neighbor bought a Toyota Corolla, similar deal. You have to do maintenance, but it sure beats car payments. You don't need comprehensive insurance either, another big saving. We have started carpooling and errand sharing in our neighborhood. People are really reluctant at first, but warm to it pretty fast when they see the savings.
52 liberalHUSSEINmoderation
AHA!! I remember now! Green Living and Environmental Expo!
Hawt dayum I'm a smarty!
Heckuva job Husseiny...you're a real educator ; )
StevePam @ 6:
marko @ 5:
The Above Is a Start
First, if the rest of the nations is just complaining, maybe C&L can generate a proactive dynamic that will lead to the downfall of the Oil companies. By pointing out the very obvious destructive profit practices of the Oil companies, who is being supported by our president, we can start something that, at least, could lower the prices in a hurry.
We need to talk about nationalizing the Oil companies. The stakes are too high to leave in the hands of a for profit money hungry business. Yes, take the business away from the owners, and I hope we don't wait until a depression is stirring us in the face. The way things are going we are one step away from total annihilation of the middle and lower classes in this country, and I don't think the Oil executives give a hoot about it.
Every time the media reports this problem, it is always in some form of "accept it" dynamic by comparing our country to Europe's oil prices or continued speculation with saying "oil could reach nine dollars a gallon by the end of summer." The last statement is design to make us okay with the next level of price increases, as long as it does not reach the feared nine dollar level. I used to wonder what side is the media on. I guess my naivety is over. With the billions in profits the oil companies are making, it is easy to buy favoritism for a few million and not miss a dime.
I am tired of this. We need to put counter action on the table, or the greedy Oil companies will get away with another round of win fall profits. For starters, using quick ending statements to every comment will be helpful: "Stop the greed; take the oil away to save the day." I am sure, with all the smart minded participants on this site, we can come up with something catchy. Lets fight back.
Joseph
DemoChristian @ 4:
Excellent idea. The current tax subsidies that oil companies enjoy today are far, far greater than the tax subsidies going to ethanol producers, currently .51/gallon. And who does the ethanol subsidy go to? The ethanol producer you say? Wrong! it goes to the oil companies as an incentive to blend in ethanol, which they would never do otherwise as they regard it as a competitor.
And there is a lot of information being broadcast about biofuels that is blatantly false and misleading, mostly by those who have a vested interest in maintaining the cozy monopoly that oil companies have.
www.ethanol.org/pdf/contentmgmt/petro_and_ethanol_facts.pdf
www.ethanol.org/index.php?id=34&parentid=8
Won't you think of the Oil Magnates? They have boat payments!
YourMom @ 55:
That's kick ass!!!
I've got a 92 honda accord, that I WAS gonna trade in for a newer vehicle...the one I looked at was a Nissan Frontier...an '04...it got 16 city and 19 hwy...I kept my honda.
YourMom @ 55:
I'm not knocking you because my family has done the same since 1986 and some of our friends and relatives have done it since the late '70s but.....
Where has this gotten us? Oil prices have STILL skyrocketed.
Our auto industry is tanking and Japanese is not far behind...time to say goodbeye to petrol-politicians and their lobbyists COMPLETELY!
We could start another industrial revolution...an economic BOOM of historic proportions with this and advances in the medical field that these science haters in the whitehouse refuse to allow.
Joseph@57
You are my brother!
Obama has no short term gas price solution but he is one:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080508/us_nm/ethanol_homemade_dc;_ylt=AgpCo...
The idea of all these oil companies only being super greedy is just a bit childish because greed isn't the reason for the high prices. Nationalizing oil companies is going to soon lead to long lines and rationing for gas.
The problem which everyone loves to ignore is inflation. If any of you look at the price of oil in terms of gold, its been stable- but its when you measure it in dollars that it becomes very skewed and hence the profits become deceptive since the dollar's value is falling(so the company's aren't getting as much purchasing power really). The blame is more properly aimed squarely at our government for either providing perverse incentives to oil companies or for completely destroying the value of our currency.
I want to know what the asterisks by the numbers meant...
anyone have a hard copy of the ad? maybe the fine print is where they explain where the 40B in profits come from.
(Is "B" the proper form for "billion"? I fell asleep in class the day we covered this)
wldj @ 46:
The original excuse was the extra "cost" to ramp up to the federally mandated ULSD standard, now it's "overseas competition" from China and the emerging nations. I have an answer for their flimsy excuses---bullshit. It's speculation and profiteering at the public expense which has nothing to do with supply and demand.
And the oil companies sure don't want more diesel powered cars in America like they have in Europe. I have an 86 Mercedes Benz 300 SDL, a 22 year old diesel powered car that gets 28-30 MPG highway and with good maintenance will last 400,000 miles or more. The BMW 535d in Europe gets 38 MPG highway in Europe with the same performance as the 5 series gasser. Mercedes Benz is also coming out with a new diesel-hybrid S-Class in 2010 that will get 40 MPG highway, not bad for a 4200 lb car.
So if you can get 20-30% better economy and twice the service life with about the same performance, why wouldn't you buy a diesel car? Detroit and the oil companies pray you never will because it might cut into their obscene profits and cozy oligarchy.
yes
The oil companies and the politicians think we're idiots.
Listening to Hannity spew his nonsense on his radio show, I'm pretty much expecting FOX to hold a telethon for the oil companies.
Won't you pleeeease give. And if you don't...the terrorists will WIN.
momly @ 66:
Oh crap I forgot to empty my clipboard before cutting and pasting! Ignore the above! What I was referring to was:
Sorry!
ysbaddaden @ 16:
That's not necessarily true. Typically, as production increases, the marginal cost per unit produced drops. As long as you sell the additional units at the same price, profit increases both in gross numbers and in percentage.
And, your first comment should be true! I do utility regulation and we regularly hear from companies that their costs are sky high, they have no profit and need to raise rates. Then, right after they file reports with us which purport to demonstrate their dire financial situations, they report enrmous profits to investors. Gee, I wonder who they are lying to?
MargeAggedon @ 23:
Unless it's a girl named Penny.
StevePam @ 3:
No, it's just plain bullshit. For example:
"As you can see here, 72% goes to the price of crude oil."
There are 42 gallons in a barrel of crude oil. Using a generous
estimate of current costs of $100 a barrel, that is $2.38 a gallon.
You can do your own math from there...
Shoaib Qadri @ 63:
You sound like one of those people who would leave this problem alone enough to keep its destructive path. What the hell is blaming the Government going to do for this crisis? Nothing. The blame game is a do nothing Republican ploy to keep things the same. By nationalizing the oil companies, you avoid immediate adverse economic conditions. It could buy us time to create a long term solution. In any event, to take the huge profit machine away from this equation would equalize the burden, if there is one.
Joseph
bmw H. 528 @ 65:
VW has also come out with its clean-burning diesels for 2008. Wonder why diesel now costs MORE than gasoline? The Big 3 and the Japanese manufacturers don't want diesels on the market.
Shoaib Qadri @ 63:
Oil is liquid energy.
Energy produces work.
Work produces products.
The sale of products drives the economy.
Ultimately, energy becomes industry. So energy is in effect the source of wealth.
The BTUs in oil does depend on it's pricing. So the wealth creation potential, in a barrel of oil is constant, regardless of it's price. It will only create a certain quantity of product.
This is why oil and gold have a stable relationship in regards to their pricing.
So yes, the price of oil reflects the number of dollars chasing after a barrel of oil. As the number of dollars in electronic circulation is expanding faster than any other time in history, the price of oil is also rising at record rates.
And so Congress and the Fed are trying to stop the hemorrhaging, by flooding the markets with money faster. The increased rate of borrowing and spending keeps the wealthy afloat, but drives prices higher and represses wages. Why use the money for investment, when inflation wipes out profits? It's better just to get a bucket and put it in front of the opened subsidy hydrant.
The war in Iraq is a huge contributor to the increasing money supply. so long as the war rages, oil prices will keep rising.
Investing in jobs and people makes poor economic sense, so long as the Fed pours a river of money into the markets. Trading bad paper and letting the taxpayer cover costs makes a lot more sense, so long as the game is rigged as it is.
Billy @ 71:
It's now $126/barrel, up $10 just this week! That works out to $3/gallon BEFORE refining.
Sigh @ 69:
You've just made the argument that all energy needs to be nationalized. It's a fucking scam to let private companies control such a vital part of our economy.
Hemp is a better food source than soy.
Soy is better suited for fuel.
Algae is a better source of food and fuel than corn or soy.
Hemp stems are better suited as building materials than trees and yeild ONE HELL of a lot more per acre/year than trees.
All of this could be home grown...how many jobs do you reckon? Hmmm.............
What are we waiting for?
Dr. Acula @ 73:
Diesels have the potential to get better mileage than hybrids. But they are simpler, and require fewer parts. Costs are lower, so profits per car, both as a new sale and for after market repairs are lower.
Dr. Acula @ 75:
That's not how the math works. The oil is useful for more than the gas it contains. The price of oil is only part of the cost of gas. It's not a direct proportional cost. That's why for the first couple of years of Bush's War, oil went up but gas did not.
Sigh @ 69:
That would of course be after the cost of initial investments, but if costs per units sold were dropping wouldn't that make it a lie that costs are cutting into their profits?
Dr. Acula @ 75:
WOW now thats fuzzy.
76 slippy hussein toad
The corporations charge a different department in the same company for the cost of shipping, and report it as a cost, although it was to the profit for their shipping section.
Additionally, there are companies who own no infrastructure, no rigs, no trucks, no nothing. They buy oil on the market and speculate on the prices, and are little better than the scalpers at a Jonas Brothers concert.
Billy @ 71
You forgot that many of these companies own (or lease at dictator-friendly terms) most of the oil fields.
That way a lion share of that 72% is also profit.
StevePam @ 82:
Hey, I didn't claim to be an elite economist. :>)
Liberal AND Proud @ 68:
Unfortunately L&P the same idiots that listen to Sean "excommunication coming soon" Hannity....don't understand as long as this country is an Oil-based economy the 'terrorists' win everytime...and by 'terrorists' I mean the multinational Oil Oligarchy, the politicians that are beholden to said Oil oligarchies, and the fundamentalists that are paid off by the Oil monarchies.
No more excuses for buying terror juice.
http://www.illuminati-news.com/marijuana-conspiracy.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmqpGZv0YT4
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=algae+oil&search_type=
Oil=terror juice. Help fight terrorism domestic and abroad.
FactsOnly @ 84:
You forgot that many of these companies own (or lease at dictator-friendly terms) most of the oil fields.
That way a lion share of that 72% is also profit.
Right. If you're pumping the oil, you don't have to pay the $123 / barrel. In fact, you're selling it for that. Corporations like Shell and Exxon don't pay the per barrel price as they run the complete supply chain from oil field to gasoline pump.
StevePam @ 87:
Why do you want to fight broads though?
Make Love Not War!
Weaseldog @ 88:
Right. If you're pumping the oil, you don't have to pay the $123 / barrel. In fact, you're selling it for that. Corporations like Shell and Exxon don't pay the per barrel price as they run the complete supply chain from oil field to gasoline pump.
Au contraire! remember we're all being childish.
ysbaddaden @ 89:
'Cause they complain about pulling rickshaw carts damn them!
StevePam @ 91:
I would advise doing it in rumble-seats, not rickshaws.
Anyone know where I can get me a V8 Pursuit Special?
And a Queensland Heeler?
A black leather suit?
Oh, and a sawed-off shotgun?
Not that I'm worried about the future.
What's more troubling is how oil prices are affecting food prices?
and to think, less than a month ago i saw an article (in a credible military on-line publication) about the new generation of military hummers that run on water... any kind of water, dirty clean, muddy, whatever... in fact this technology is so advanced that you can literally pee into the tank and the engine will still work... so why are we still burning gas?? governments obviously have the technology AND resources to fix our problem... problem is, i think we all recognize that if we had the same power or influence as government we'd probably profit off of oil too... we all know, here in America, greed is God. until we change the human condition, our oil and gas troubles will only continue.
Doran @ 95:
There's Guy Negre's Air Car as well. It's scheduled to begin limited US production in 2010. But India's Tata Motors, India's equivalent to Ford, is set to produce them in India much sooner. Mexico is also looking at them. Plus, an Australian engineer, Angelo di Pietro, working for engineair.com, has invented a rotary air car engine that's quiet, super-efficient, and tiny--it can work on boats, cars, trucks, whatever.
joeedugan @ 93:
Nice reference!
joeedugan @ 93:
And a tank of petrol?
Doran @ 95:
Water as a fuel, doesn't burn anything but suckers.
This thread is ill-informed.
Yes, ExxonMobil makes huge profits. So do the other big oil companies. That's because the price of oil has more than doubled in four years, because supply has not responded to a huge increase in demand (due mostly to industrialization and urbanization in China and India, which will continue for years to come).
By now, we should have seen demand destruction or new supply, both of which drove down oil prices in the early 80s, and kept them low for 20 years.
So why has there been no new supply? No destruction of demand?
The supply issue is simple. There are no significant 'new' sources of conventional oil (the cheap stuff you drill a few thousand feet for and just pump out of the ground). Look at Canada, where most American oil and gas now comes from. In the Western Sedimentary Basin (the fossil fuel region east of the Rockies), conventional oil and gas has peaked. Yes, there have been some significant new discoveries in the Bakken Shale (in ND and Saskatchewan) and NE British Columbia, but these are deep gas fields - very expensive to drill and develop. Same with the Barnet Shale in Texas. Same with the new offshore regions in the Gulf of Mexico and offshore of South America. The oil sands are also hugely expensive and dirty.
The Saudis no longer have the ability to pump enough oil to restrain prices. If they could, they'd do it - they have a lot of unemployment, a lot of social unrest. Since the late 70s, every time the oil price went up to the point where it could cause a recession or inflation, the Saudis stepped in a raised production. Not this time, even at $120. Production from the Ghawar field, the biggest source of light crude oil on earth, is falling after 50 years of production.
Production in the North Sea peaked years ago.
Demand isn't going down, even with $120/barrel oil - in spite of all predictions to the contrary. It's not just China and India that consume more oil, it's the oil-producing countries themselves - Russia, Brazil, Venezuela, the Gulf states (incl. Saudi Arabia). They all need more of their own oil than they did 10 years ago.
As for Exxon, and the rest of the big oil multinationals, they just don't have the power to influence prices any more. Most of their foreign concessions were nationalized decades ago. The vast majority of oil reserves outside North America are controlled by national oil companies, owned by governments. Most of the benefit of the current price/supply squeeze flows to these governments, not the oil multinationals. The gov'ts in turn pump much of the cash into sovereign wealth funds, which are buying up new oil fields, commodities and assets - including American banks - around the world. The gas you put into your tank is being used by foreign governments - not oil companies - to buy control of your economy.
Exxon, Chevron, Shell and BP make huge profits, but are barely able to replace their own reserves. Many of these companies are living off declining capital. They buy back millions of their own shares every year because they can't find good exploration prospects, and because exploration costs have gone through the roof. They'd rather pay their cash flow back to shareholders in the form of share buybacks and dividends. If this continues, there is a very real possibility that the old oil conglomerates will end up being broken up or liquidated.
Read this:
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/JubaksJournal/IsExxonMobi...
Weaseldog @ 98:
The first four I think I can get, it's just your fifth one that may be a problem...
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Weaseldog @ 99:
Probably a good thing. We'd burn it all up and die of thirst before we'd stop driving.
Annoyed Canuck @ 100:
Yes, peak oil is a factor. But, Cheney & Bush have run the American economy into the ground,
and that's the most significant component of the current sky high and still escalating price of oil.
In BIG OIL'S defense...
They, like sports teams, are giving 110% effort in providing the oil.
Thus the extra 10% which is their profit.
72% is the reason for current US "foreign policy", in a nutshell.
The oil companies MUST own the source of the resource, itself, to get every bit of profit, right down the line. They can't fork over that much $-US-$ currency to foreigners, especially when it would be so much nicer if the oil business was 100% American, worldwide, forever: keeping ALL profits Stateside. (Enter Iraq, then Iran. I fear for Canada.)
17 miss_kitty Says: tyree @ 13:
StevePam @ 10:
tyree @ 7:
im doing my bit also, i have a genuine rickshaw that i use to get to the store for food , but my wifes a whiner ! she complains the handals hurt her hands when she pulls it fast!
I had the same problem with my wife…tell her to push.
well i thought about that but whos going to stear it! and mudshark id buy her some gloves but shed complain even if i stoped cracking the whip over her head!
hahahaha! Tyree, your wife is so lucky to have a good man who treats her right!
=========================
You even stay on the computer and out of her hair, which I'm sure does not go unnnoticed by her. :)
I just love knowing that oil companies operating in Norway pay 72% tax (about 70% effective tax, after deductibles) and that the politicians, when the oil prices started to rise a few years back, decided to put all windfall profits is a huge welfare fund for future generations, only allowing themselves to use a fraction of the added value to it each year.
Too bad a fair bit is invested in US stock markets though.
Weaseldog @ 80:
Diesels of 15 years ago were more simple than the equivalent gas burner of 15 years ago... today, not so much. They now have all the useless whiz-bang gizmos of a gas engine, plus a bunch of extra junk almost nobody knows how to work on.
Anonymous Reddittor @ 28:
If the price of purchasing and production is high, then the middle man's margin (i.e. the oil company's margin) should remain consistent with rates of inflation, instead of climbing to tens of billions of dollars in profit every quarter (i.e. 3 months). Petro-states like Saud and Russia are deliberately limiting supply, yes, and their wealth has gone up substantially. However, that should have no bearing on the profit margins of the middle man distributors. Yet still, their profits skyrocket. Sorry, but your argument doesn't seem to add up.
ahhhhhhhh..... people..... those figures actually could be correct. Where the oil companies are raking in the real profits is the cut they recieve of the crude oil sales.
chris [not the troll] @ 110:
True. But the new ones are much cleaner, more powerful, and far more efficient---a worthy trade off.
receive I mean! for you spelling nazis out there.
I laugh at any idiot who claims peak oil. The other other excuses are not enough refineries and the need to drill in ANWAR. Both lies.
Oil prices are up cause Chimpy and the republicans have destroyed the value of the dollar.
Vote stupid, get stupid. Now pay for it dumbasses.
Colbert is being dishonest here.
The $1300 per minute of profit is actually coming from their food shops. I mean, $1.90 for a bottle of soda? That's the real gouging!
Leslie [Hussein] @ 97:
We stress again: There is no real energy crisis. Instead, there is a totally and deliberately arranged crisis and breakdown of our own scientific community, and one that has been (sadly) deliberately set up since way back. Some of it is nefarious and by deliberate intent. That is particularly true of the sabotage of the overall electrical engineering theoretical model since before its very inception.
-Tom Bearden
In other words, by the same “precursor” engineering of the local vacuum with negative energy, it is possible to “unhappen” the H-O bonds, produce watergas and power our automobiles, trucks, trains, ships, etc., and thereby quickly get off our abject dependence on foreign oil. It is also possible to rapidly develop rather simple, curative processes for any and all our present human diseases without the use of harmful drugs or harsh measures. We just have to learn how to “unhappen” the diseases with a specifically tailored negative energy vacuum – which gives the desired negative probabilities necessary to unhappen a specific disease.
Again, as you can appreciate, some very powerful people and organizations worldwide flatly do not wish that to be developed at all, and they will do whatever is necessary to stop it or contain it.
-Tom Bearden
“Electric power is everywhere present in unlimited quantities and can drive the world’s machinery without the need of coal, oil, gas, or any other of the common fuels.” [Nikola Tesla].
“We have to evolve means for obtaining energy from stores which are forever inexhaustible, to perfect methods which do not imply consumption and waste of any material whatever. I now feel sure that the realization of that idea is not far off. …the possibilities of the development I refer to, namely, that of the operation of engines on any point of the earth by the energy of the medium…” [Nikola Tesla, during an address in 1897 commemorating his installation of generators at Niagara Falls.].
“Whatever our resources of primary energy may be in the future, we must, to be rational, obtain it without consumption of any material.” [Nikola Tesla, 1900].
skycypher @ 118:
Quoting Tesla:
“Ere many generations pass, our machinery will be driven by a power obtainable at any point in the universe. This idea is not novel… We find it in the delightful myth of Antheus, who derives power from the earth; we find it among the subtle speculations of one of your splendid mathematicians…Throughout space there is energy. Is this energy static or kinetic? If static our hopes are in vain; if kinetic – and this we know it is, for certain – then it is a mere question of time when men will succeed in attaching their machinery to the very wheelwork of nature.” [Nikola Tesla, in a speech in New York to the American Institute of Electrical Engineers, 1891. Quoted from back cover of his biography, Margaret Cheney, Tesla: Man Out of Time].
Quite impressive. But I never understood how Americans could be complaining about gas prices. In Germany, the gas price has more than 80% (!!!) taxes included. At the moment you would pay about 8 dollars per gallon.... I guess that's why you guys bomb the Arabian world, to get your oil cheap and fresh. Some people say Bush attacked Iraq (and would like to attack Iran) because Saddam wanted to sell his oil for euros (not dollars). And if that had happened, Americans would have to face heavily increasing prices, not just for gas but for almost anything...
I don't want to make this an "All-American-Bashing" post, but it's just disgusting to see everybody complaining about "sky-high" gas prices when you're still paying less than anybody else in the western world. It's the European people that pay the bill for your little "oh my god, they attacked us, let's kill some muslims for revenge" adventure. Well, we just pay with euros. The poor people of Iraq pay with their blood. And the guys that get the money one or the other way? Dick "The Shithead" Cheney, Condoleeza "Can't spell diplomacy" Rice, George "Walking and talking like Adolf" Bush...
(sorry for the poor English, I'm just not a native tongue)
Colbert is so dumb. Of course there is no profit on oil.....the oil companies make their money off condom sales from the service station restrooms.
Bush and Cheney and the Saudis are laughing all the way to the bank.
Login or Register to post comments.