"But Jay, what most people don't understand about the fact that I was a POW for five and a half years is that I WAS A POW FOR FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!"

Oops! So that's where the rubber duckie disappeared to!

Oops I crapped my pants.

If I were to ask you not to mention your POW experience when responding to my next question, what would you do?

"If the pilot's good, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that thing in so low, oh it's a sight to see. You wouldn't expect it with a big ol' plane like a '52, but varrrooom! The jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!"

POW: Politician of Wealth

See Jay, if I stretch like this, I may be able to make my head bigger than yours.

I just made a Karl Rove in my skivvies.

I never used the fact that I was a POW for 5 1/2 as an excuse for anything! I wouldn't do that because I was a POW for 5 1/2 years.

Seen above--The Manchurian candidate hears a voice for the past calling him to act now.

Whoooooooooops, hang on a minute Jay..........POW flashback coming................Whoah........WHOAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Did I mention I was a POW?"

"....There I was, in a POW camp , surrounded by nothing but dirt walls...no chair, no table ...I WAS POW fer fuck sake Jay!!"

Oh wait, that's what he actually said. I can't make up anything more ridicules than that!

VietVet67 @ 19:

Did I put on my Depends?

Beat me to it.

Oh my God! The cameraman looks like Pol Pot! That reminds me, did I ever tell you........?

Where will YOU be when diarrhea strikes?

This is my 'wet start' face...you know, the face I make when I do a 'wet start'...heh heh, my friends, I'm not talking about Depends...heh heh heh I rhymed...what rhymes with POW? Wow! Where was I? Oh yes, my friends, this is my wet start face, reminds me of the time I pulled a wet start and blew up the Forrestal, killing 160+ men. Boy, those wet starts, my friends, they'll getcha.

"John are you sure you want your Rushmore pose to look like that?"

Oh, NO! VOTERS!

'Scuse me while I whip this out!

[Screams, pandemonium in the audience.]

I like to make faces because for five and a half years I wasn't allowed to make faces.

McCain: I didnt have a table....OOOOOOuuuuhhhhhh! I didn't have a....ooops Imodian.
Leno: Well ahhh... You do know you just shit on our new studio couch!

Bevare! Bevare of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys... Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS... Bevare... Take care... Bevare!

...wait...

PULL THE STRING! PULL THE STRING!!!

"Oh no, Jay! Do you hear sirens? I think I forgot to turn of the stove in one of my 8 homes!"

Thanks, Oops, I crapped my pants!

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen!

Leno: "Anybody see where I put that apple pie? Senator did you sit on that pie?"

McLame: " I SURE HOPE SO!!"

We'll be right back with more of Leslie Nielsen

Oops, I craped my pants. (if anyone's seen the SNL commercial you know what I'm saying)

You shouldn't have pulled my finger

AUH!
I think I just wetted.

OMG, I just POW'd my pants.

I think my Depends just leaked.

Leno: When are you going to let me be the funny one again?

I just pooped myself...but I was a POW.

Did I mention I was a POW?

"...so anyway, whenever I dropped napalm on those gook kids, I could see their mothers going like THIS..."

Then I saw it. The ring of POWer. It was in my grasp. My preciouuussssss.....

O Noz!
I shoudana eats the chilee

"Jay, just before I give the acceptance speech at the convention next week, the plan is they'll lower me in from the ceiling in a bamboo tiger cage with me reaching out like this..."

Look at the expression on Leno's face. Looks like he's thinking, WTF is happening to him?

Leno - "You really think you can be President!"

Oh, Oh, Oh and then my guard in the POW camp told me to turn around and...................

Oh! I JUST remembered how many homes I have!

Man you should have seen the look on my ex's face ... when, told her I was leaving for a rich young trophy wife.

Oooop's --- THAT was a CheezWiz Fart

"Holy Shit! You mean I'm running for president?!? Why didn't Joe tell me?!?!"

OOps! I just wet myself...AGAIN!!!

I remember doot doot
I remember doot doot
They had a swimming pool.

(credit FZ)

Snore @ 10:

"If the pilot's good, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that thing in so low, oh it's a sight to see. You wouldn't expect it with a big ol' plane like a '52, but varrrooom! The jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!"

Okay this is the best one in my book.

In a rare moment of lucidity, Mr. McCain realizes he is no longer a POW and is married to a 'c*nt'.

"That fart reminded me of when the VC crammed a SAM AA missile up my ass and i was forced to sell out the USA to save my own ass Jay"

Okay, I give up. What the hell was he really saying when he struck that frightening pose?

Well, Jay, my friends... can I just say that it's a pleasure to be here and that... what's that? A camera?
That reminds me of the cameras shown in 'Apocalypse Now', when Coppola was trying to direct the troops getting off of the helicopter to show more emotion for the news reels... which reminds me of my time as a POW...

[fades away]

The horror... the horror...

Look Jay.....This is how stupid most voters are hehehehe

Oh!! That one was a little runny!!

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

1e47Kansaskowboy @ 98:

Snore @ 10:

"If the pilot's good, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that thing in so low, oh it's a sight to see. You wouldn't expect it with a big ol' plane like a '52, but varrrooom! The jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!"

Okay this is the best one in my book.

Finally! Someone gets the reference!!!! :)

Anyone want to put that pic side-by-side with Bush's "door" moment?

... and then Condi took off her blouse, and I went - 'whoa, it's a daggone shame Cindi isn't in a wheelchair, my friends!!!

"Whaddaya mean the Green Bay Packers don't play in Pittsburg?"

McCain: "The gooks! The gooks are haunting me!!"

Leno: "We'll be right back."

“If the pilot’s good, I mean if he’s reeeally sharp, he can barrel that thing in so low, oh it’s a sight to see. You wouldn’t expect it with a big ol’ plane like a ‘52, but varrrooom! The jet exhaust… frying chickens in the barnyard!”

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I mean, he'll see everything, he'll... he'll see the Big Board!"

"the bag broke" McSame ejaculates, and Jay says, "I can smell it here"

"My friends, just before my bombs hit the old men, women and children in Hanoi, they used to always get this look".

Triple Lei @ 116:

Anyone want to put that pic side-by-side with Bush's "door" moment?

That's exactly what I was thinkin'

My God...he's brown!

McSongbird.

No, no Senator McCain, calm down. It is a Home Economics text, not an Economics 101 text.

This is the face McCain makes when the phone rings at 3 A.M.....actually, it's the face he makes when the phone rings pretty much anytime after his 8:30 bedtime.

" oh no ! Its the ghosts of dubya coming at me !

"My nipples are aching of OLD AGE!"

"And I slapped Cindy on her buttocks!"

"Who wants to be a P.O.W? Raise yer hand!"

inka @ 127:

Where am I?? Where's Johnny Carson???

I laughed out loud when I read this and continue to laugh every time I read it.

Damn, Jay, I think I just took a nasty shit! It just squirted out before I had time...But maybe it was just a wet, slimey fart.

But don't let an ol unscheduled bowel movement put a stop to this interview about why I would be a great president. See, we can continue because I'm wearin' Depends, Jay. Know what Depends are? Depends catch stuff, sometimes lots of stuff, and keeps it from dripping down yer leg...

Anyway, did I ever tell you about the time I was a POW? I didn't have a kitchen table then...or a toilet...or Depends...

"So you're telling me that my wife owns seven homes - and here I was trying to join the mile high club with that lobbyist chick when I could have been rocking the condo?"

OOp'S, It's my viagra kicking in again.