Late Show host Stephen Colbert laid into Roy Moore's ridiculous defense after being accused of molesting a 14 year-old girl when he was in his 30s, and the shameless Alabama Republicans who are coming to Moore's defense during his opening monologue this Thursday:
COLBERT: Hey back stateside in the republican primary in Alabama, you guys remember Roy Moore? He's the G.O.P. Senate candidate in Alabama who pulled out a gun while speaking at a campaign rally, suggested 9/11 might have been punishment for us turning away from god, and called homosexuality "an act so heinous that it defies one's ability to describe it."
He's right, I went to Kevin and Tommy's wedding this weekend and the cupcake tower was indescribable. I cannot articulate how amazing the fondue station was. Congratulations, you two.
Well, guess what? This guy who's constantly posturing about how devout he is and how sinful everyone else is? Well, spoiler alert! In a bombshell report in the Washington Post today, a woman says Roy Moore initiated a sexual encounter with her when she was 14 and he was 32. For those keeping track, that's an age difference of... it doesn't matter, she was 14!"
That is an act so heinous that it defies my ability to describe it. But I’ll try. Illegal!
Besides the 14-year-old girl, the Post talked to three other women who say Moore pursued them when they were between the ages of 16 and 18 and he was in his early 30s.
My god, these accusations are so damning, voters are either going to force him off the ballot or make him president.
Moore's campaign has responded to the bombshell article, saying "this garbage is the very definition of fake news," and adding that "If the allegations were true, they would have surfaced during his previous campaigns."
"Your honor, how could I be guilty of this murder if I wasn't caught until now? Think about it. Now if it please the court, I’d like to get close enough to stab you.”
And now, G.O.P. lawmakers are asking Roy Moore to step aside if the allegations are true. But not everyone denounced Moore. For instance, Alabama state auditor and victorious turnip, Jim Ziegler—they left him in the sun—he defended his friend, not by saying he's innocent, but rather by saying that if he did it, it was totally cool.↓ Story continues below ↓
He said, "Take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus." Yeah, because Joseph didn't touch her! Their whole deal is that there was no funny business! She was the Virgin Mary, not the – okay!?
Hey, brother! She wasn't the "askin' for it" Mary! Which is why she didn't have to become the "talking to the Washington Post 30 years later" Mary.