The headlines screamed: Barack Obama Discovers Cure for Cancer.

While throngs in capitals across the globe spontaneously massed to cheer the president’s astounding stamp on the history of humankind, the GOP stampeded to Twitter to spit their disgust at ObamaCure:

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WTHuckabee: If you examine the anti-colonial views of the Mau Mau shamans in Kenya, you will discover that they too sought out cures for cancer. #witchdoctor

DonaldChump: I know his mother left him with this animus toward cancer, which is admirable and all. But what she didn’t leave him with was an actual birth certificate. #WatchMyShow!

SpeakerOfTheLobbyists: The American people sent us here to repeal this job-killing ObamaCure. Did I mention we’re broke? And the American people want us to cut Planned Parenthood more than cancer. #SoBeIt

Palinoscopy: ObamaCure is an outrageous blood libel, a Death Panel on the inalienable rights of our Real American PharmaCorps. to sell common sense conservative drugs. #MuslimBrotherhoodHatesCancerToo

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Credit: Obama vs. Palin, 2012 Electoral College

RandAppall: The Constitution does not permit the president to Declare War on cancer without the debate & consent of Congress. #OrAquaBuddha

TheRyanBludgeonIt: We do not have a cancer problem. We have a spending on cancer problem. Cut taxes on small businesses like Koch & the free market will generate millions of new cancer cures. #AndMillionsOfNewCancerCustomers #FromPollution

aBeckalypseNow: Of course Barack Obama doesn’t want people to die from cancer. That will enable the higher birth rates in the Muslim world to sweep across this Earth like a Sendai tsunami. #BuyGold.

LieOfNewt: I loved my country so much that I had to take a new wife when my other wife got cancer. This ObamaCure is yet another secular socialist assault on my dating life.

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GWB43: Hey! Reagan’s astrologer once told me that I’m a Cancer! That rascal 44 found a cure for me? #BringEmOn

Of course, this form of collective bargaining is a mere formality. Without basic medical care, women get UTIs, yeast infections, and all sorts of fun stuff that will prevent them from having sex. Or so I'm told.

So gents, while those of you who oppose funding for women's healthcare aren't literally cutting off your noses to spite your faces, there are anatomical equivalents that you are welcome to plop into that metaphor. Waytogo, geniuses.

Naturally, none of this is meant to exclude members of the LGBT community from this proposed arrangement. And there are lots of ways to help. And, for anyone who may somehow think this an objectifying premise in service of satirical advocacy, our apologies. But at least we aren't the first.

It's very sad and all...I suppose...to see two young lovers torn asunder. So, leaving aside the weepy and over-told tale of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston one is left to wonder: What's it like in that strange household? Is Sarah Palin able to use her questionable political skillset to better effect in her personal life?

One certainly hopes. And one hopes that they are--all of them--happy, healthy, and not to be heard from on the national stage for a long time to come. And while it's hard to be 100 percent sure, I'm pretty sure this is about how it's going down just outside Wasilla.

Hello, amigos. Long time reader, first time poster.

My name's Andy Cobb, I'm pleased as punch and honored that John asked me to post here on occasion. Many thanks to the C&L team for giving me a chance to play a bit in this cool thing they've created and work so hard to maintain. That's not me all naked in that video up there, that's Brian Gallivan. More about him in a second, but first, me me meeeeee:

I'm an LA-based comic and actor, and I've been writing and directing videos for a while with a satirical/political bent. John, Bluegal, and the other folks here have been kind enough to post many of them here for your viewing pleasure. I'll bring you satirical and comedic bits from time to time. I often work with Second City on video projects, that's a theater company I worked with in Chicago and work with now in their burgeoning LA video dealie-do, called The Second City Network.

This bit has been made with them by the aforementioned talented tall glass of water named Brian Gallivan.

Brian has developed a great character called "Sassy Gay Friend" that has become one of those "viral franchiseable characters" that the entertainment industry covets so dearly. It's been put on the teevee, seen millions of times on the web, and widely discussed by his many rabid young fans.

C&L's ever-vigilant Bluegal posted the first installment of this series, in which SGF attempts to counsel Ophelia from Hamlet. Since then he's covered Othello and Romeo and Juliet, to fine effect.

I sat down to talk a bit with (the relatively non-sassy) Brian for a talk about his bit...

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As the folks at "Morning Joe" were sharing guffaws over Glenn Beck's keerazee schtick the other day, some of them were speculating that Stephen Colbert might have to give up his parody-of-a-right-wing-talker act, since Beck had reached a level of self-parody that Colbert couldn't hope to match.

Au contraire.

Obviously, Beck is quickly becoming the most flavorful grist for Colbert's satirical mill. Witness the "1031 Project" unveiled last night -- inspired by Beck's "912 Project" lunacy.

The key line came after Colbert played the audio of Beck trashing the 9/11 victims' families back in 2005:

You know, it took me about a year to start hating the 9/11 victims' families. ... I don't hate all of them, I hate about, probably about ten of them. But when I see 9/11 victim family, you know, on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh, shut up.' I'm so sick of them. Because they're always complaining. And we did our best for them.

Colbert's rejoinder:

Good point. The 912 Project is not for families directly affected by 9/11. Just people building their careers on it.

It's been on my list to send a shout-out to our Canadian readers (love you guys) but here the delightful Paula Poundstone does it for me, and way funnier than I could, too.

Open thread below.

Courtesy of Sam Seder...George W. Bush keeps telling us that it's for historians to judge the success of his presidency, so thanks to Break Room Live, we travel into the future to find out what the historians think.

Dave Letterman helps us say good bye to George W. Bush with his Top Ten Favorite GWB Moments. (h/t Seth)

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I know that comedy should push the envelope occasionally and make you uncomfortable, but sorry, I'm having a hard time finding teh funny in this SNL skit from last night.

Cast member Jason Sudeikis plays a federal agent eager to rid Gitmo of instruments of torture in its "Going Out of Business" sale.

What does it say about this country that we can joke about torturing others with car batteries, jumper cables and waterboarding? Woo hoo, it's hilarious to offer german shepherds used to threaten and terrorize detainees on a "buy two, get the third for free" deal. Here's a knee slapper: let's violate the Geneva Conventions, but don't look back for accountability to those responsible, and hey, maybe we'll joke about it on the longest-running comedy program on American network television!

Nope, still not finding teh funny.

Sunday Funnies with Jimmy Carr