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There's no other word than "dumbass" that adequately describes Arizona State University's decision not to award President Obama an honorary degree when he addresses the school's commencement today.

Sure, you can cook up lame excuses, such as that the school instead decided to name a scholarship program after him. That's nice. It's still an insult. A dumbass insult.

The Daily Show's Jason Jones visited Tempe to get some of the flavor of local sentiments. That same word kept coming to mind as we watched ASU students try to explain why Obama didn't deserve an honorary degree. My favorite:

"We're trying to be like the Cambridges, where they don't give out any, uh, honorary degrees. Make them so, uh, prestigious. To give them to, like, important people. Heads of state and stuff like that."

Runner-up:

"Wull, I've been at ASU for three or four years, and I don't have a degree yet. Why does he deserve one for being in office for 100 days?"

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Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart got the official word in the origins of the swine-flu outbreak from John Oliver, reporting from the Centers For Disease Control, and Jason Jones, reporting from the Centers For Stuff I Heard From Some Guy:

Stewart: What have you been hearing at your center?

Jones: All kinds of things. OK, A: This disease was engineered by the government as an excuse to declare martial law, so that B: They can liquidate private health-insurance coverage.

Stewart: Yeah, that sounds a little farfetched there, Jason.

Jones: Well, then why is the government hoarding all the Tamiflu for themselves, their families, and disgraced Wall Street tycoons?

Stewart: Where did you hear that?

Jones: [pause] ... Some guy.

Stewart: Do you have a second source?

Jones: What, you mean another guy?

Oliver: Jon, Jon, Jon! You know this is preposterous. This is a naturally occurring mutation that has so far traveled a pathogenic route --

Jones: Can it, Science Boy! While you babble, Americans are being infected by the millions!

Oliver: Not true --

Jones: The entire state of Arizona is dead!

The problem that Daily Show writers must face each day is that their routines often mimic the real behavior of the wingnuts on the right.

Most of the time, the conservative culture-war efforts are simply annoying. Some far-right activists will try some stunt, it’ll fail in the courts, and the rest of us can focus our attention on real problems.

But it’s much harder to tolerate conservative intolerance when national security is at stake.

This morning’s Christian Science Monitor reports that the Army is preparing to offer a staggering $150,000 retention bonus to service members who are proficient in Arabic, “in reflection of how critical it has become for the US military to retain native language and cultural know-how in its ranks.” Indeed, as the war in Iraq goes on, and the military subsequently finds fewer and fewer people anxious for extended stays in the desert, retaining trained troops is becoming a critical centerpiece of many commanders’ strategies. The supply of Arabic speakers just isn’t keeping up with the demand created by ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“The military’s conventional language training program, the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, Calif., could not churn out enough American soldiers proficient in Arabic, Kurdish, Dari, Pashtu, and Farsi, and the military quickly turned to private contractors to fill the gap,” reporter Gordon Lubold writes. “Numerous programs have sprouted up, including one at Fort Lewis, Wash., where soldiers are given a 10-month immersion program in language and culture.”

The Army is taking almost every step imaginable — from six-figure bonuses to civilian interpreters in the warzone to recruitment campaigns targeting Arab-American communities — to beef up its language capability.

Well, almost every step imaginable. While the military is searching desperately, and willing to pay enormous sums for those proficient in Arabic, the exact same military, at the exact same time, has driven 60 linguists who specialize in Arabic or Farsi out of the military because of their sexual orientation.

Republicans, including John McCain, think this makes sense. I have no idea why.

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