This is tea party reporter, Susie Sampson in DC asking real Americans about jobs and labor.

She says, "All Obama cares about is jobs, mean while we're trying to get elected. Now I ask you, who's more democratic?"

Tea party reporter Susie Sampson takes us through how we should pick candidates. "Why'd you pick Mitt Romney?" she asks.

"Because I like the color blue."

I voted for John Kerry for less.

The headlines screamed: Barack Obama Discovers Cure for Cancer.

While throngs in capitals across the globe spontaneously massed to cheer the president’s astounding stamp on the history of humankind, the GOP stampeded to Twitter to spit their disgust at ObamaCure:

WTHuckabee: If you examine the anti-colonial views of the Mau Mau shamans in Kenya, you will discover that they too sought out cures for cancer. #witchdoctor

DonaldChump: I know his mother left him with this animus toward cancer, which is admirable and all. But what she didn’t leave him with was an actual birth certificate. #WatchMyShow!

SpeakerOfTheLobbyists: The American people sent us here to repeal this job-killing ObamaCure. Did I mention we’re broke? And the American people want us to cut Planned Parenthood more than cancer. #SoBeIt

Palinoscopy: ObamaCure is an outrageous blood libel, a Death Panel on the inalienable rights of our Real American PharmaCorps. to sell common sense conservative drugs. #MuslimBrotherhoodHatesCancerToo

RandAppall: The Constitution does not permit the president to Declare War on cancer without the debate & consent of Congress. #OrAquaBuddha

TheRyanBludgeonIt: We do not have a cancer problem. We have a spending on cancer problem. Cut taxes on small businesses like Koch & the free market will generate millions of new cancer cures. #AndMillionsOfNewCancerCustomers #FromPollution

aBeckalypseNow: Of course Barack Obama doesn’t want people to die from cancer. That will enable the higher birth rates in the Muslim world to sweep across this Earth like a Sendai tsunami. #BuyGold.

LieOfNewt: I loved my country so much that I had to take a new wife when my other wife got cancer. This ObamaCure is yet another secular socialist assault on my dating life.

GWB43: Hey! Reagan’s astrologer once told me that I’m a Cancer! That rascal 44 found a cure for me? #BringEmOn

If you were a Satanist who already sold your soul to the devil, and you wanted to work your way into the United States Congress to do his bidding, wouldn't it be a devilishly clever idea to throw people off the trail by saying you "used" to be a witch? Because of course people would "assume" (and you know what they say about "assume") you'd found Jesus and were washed in the blood of the Lamb -- but what if you were, you know, literally washed in the blood of the lamb.... on a Satanic altar?

This would surely explain a lot. After all, she had no luck in her previous runs for office -- yet she suddenly knocks out a popular, long-time incumbent. They say it was the success of the Tea Party -- but what if she sold her soul to Satan? After all, once you've invited the devil into your soul, does he ever really leave?

I'm not one to spread political gossip, of course, but someone did tell me he went through her campaign finance reports and there was apparently a big fat check to Hogwarts. Tuition? I'm just sayin'.

Does she float? Because if she floats, that means she's made of wood... and you know what that means!

These mama grizzlies are the real deal, and they don't appreciate Sarah Palin stealing their identity to push women back to the 18th century.

Evidently, Sarah failed to see the humor in their response.

Don't tell anyone! That WAS our own John Amato crashing Chelsea's wedding with his long-time squeeze Liz Cheney!

Open thread below...

Travis and Jonathan on this year's Oscars. Open thread below...

Amato and Cheney in a secret love nest?!? Mister Amato rebuffed attempts to question the 'experienced State Department Deputy' at his front door with a curt, "She's busy."

[I sent this to Amato as 'office humor' and he thought you'd enjoy the laugh, too. And yeah, we've heard all the 'not with my father-in-law's tallywhacker' jokes, thanks.]

Open thread below...

Oh shoot! We totally forgot! Hilarity via the wonderful Guys from Area 51.

Open thread below...

From our friends at The Full Ginsburg.

Open Thread below...