Remember when the Kelleys were all over the news?

And you thought that when David Petraeus quit his job, all the players in that drama would just fade away. Not so fast, the Jill Kelley saga continues to go down a very freaky path.

Just when it appeared the Jill Kelley-David Petraeus mess was behind us, along comes society magazine Town & Country with a profile of Kelley and her twin sister, Natalie Khawam.

And surprise: It's not flattering, focusing on the twins' alleged desire for riches and doing whatever is necessary to be among people of power.

Writer Vicky Ward doesn't talk to Kelley or Khawam, instead getting information from a "distant cousin" – weeks after Kelley was cleared of wrongdoing in a scandal involving Petraeus, the former CIA director whose paramour sent Kelley threatening emails.

"They made up their minds they were going to use men to get money, and they discussed this quite openly in front of the family," cousin Tony Khawam said in the article, "A Four-Star Scandal," in the March issue.

Among the men in their sights, according to Tony Khawam: Hal and Hank Steinbrenner, sons of the late George Steinbrenner, Yankees owner and Tampa philanthropist.

"They'd take trips on the Steinbrenners' plane and brag about how they would split Hal up from his then-wife, Christina — and then the plane would be theirs," he told Ward.

Hal Steinbrenner and his wife at the time did break up, but not because of the Tampa twins.

As a Yankee fan I have to say that George Steinbrenner (if he were alive today) would detest how his sons are running the Yankees since they took over the reins, but apparently they weren't dumb enough to be duped by these con-girl twins. Part of me almost wishes that it happened, but not while the sons were still with their original families.

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You have to hand it to those Fox Newsies for partisan gumption. They didn’t let any lack of actual evidence of Obama administration wrongdoing in the Gen. David Petraeus sex scandal stop them from theorizing and suggesting that there was. For extra GOP points, Steve Doocy dragged in Eric Holder, one of Fox’s favorite Obama-administration scapegoats, and said that his theoretical involvement in the theoretical cover up “could be” why Eric Holder is staying on as Attorney General for President Obama’s second term.

As Karoli pointed out earlier, there’s a lot of Republican partisanship afoot in the Petraeus scandal:

David Petraeus is in disgrace because he had a midlife crisis or something and got hot and heavy with a woman prone to jealous, impulsive acts (sending harassing emails to her suspected rival, Jill Kelley). Meanwhile, some FBI agent with the hots for Jill Kelley and a "worldview" that included weird and unprovable conspiracy theories about political coverups to protect President Obama got impatient and contacted his teaBircher Congressional buddies.

The Curvy Couch Crew ignored those facts this morning in order to raise questions about the Obama administration. Gretchen Carlson said, “Something’s not being told about that whole side of the story.” Meaning why the FBI was investigating. And yet she left out the part about how that FBI agent with the hots for Kelley and an antagonism toward President Obama went to Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor with his suspicions and how Cantor called the FBI director on October 31 to push the story relay his concerns in the final week of a hotly-contested presidential election.

“How do we know there wasn’t a national security breach? They’re still going through (Petraeus’ paramour’s) files?” Laura Ingraham squawked accusingly. Of course, there’s nothing to suggest at this point that there was one. But she moved on to smear Holder:

Eric Holder, we’re supposed to believe, didn’t talk to one of his closest friends. One of his closest friends is Barack Obama. He’s been at the center of voter ID cases, immigration cases against Arizona, Fast and Furious, the refusal to prosecute the New Black Panther Party. I mean, Eric Holder is a fulcrum of a lot of what’s going on over the last four years. He’s very close to the president. And I do not believe, after all the years I’ve been here, that Eric Holder would have kept information from the president about a CIA director being a part of a federal investigation. And if he did, I think that’s incompetence or malfeasance.

If you believe the FBI – and I tend to believe them more than the heated hypotheses of Fox News partisans – there was nothing to tell the president. From ABC News:

The FBI withheld its findings about Gen. David Petreaus' affair from the White House and congressional leaders because the agency considered them the result of a criminal investigation that never reached the threshold of an intelligence probe, law enforcement sources said today.

The sources said agents followed department guidelines that generally bar sharing information about developing criminal investigations. The FBI is also aware of its history under former director J. Edgar Hoover of playing politics and digging into the lives of public figures. As one official said, the rules are designed to protect people (both private and elected officials) when negative information about them arises in the course of a criminal investigation that is not a crime.

…Investigators uncovered no compromising of classified information or criminal activity, sources familiar with the probe said, adding that all that was found was a lot of "human drama."

In other words, this looks a lot like a tempest in a Tea Party pot. On October 31, the day that Rep. Cantor called the FBI, President Obama had his hands full with Super Storm Sandy and the end of his presidential campaign. I don’t know about you but I wouldn't bother my boss with “human drama” details, either, if he were in the middle of a cataclysmic natural disaster and at the tail end of a national re-election campaign.

But Doocy, it seems, could not pass up an opportunity – no matter how wildly speculative – to take a smearing swipe at Holder and Obama. “Laura, that could be one of the reasons why Barack Obama’s asking him to stay on for another second term.”

Not one of the other three Fox Newsies on the set objected to such baseless conjecture.

No novelist, not even Tom Clancy, could come up with a story like this. A four-star general and Director of the CIA taken down by an FBI agent with an agenda and an obsession of his own.

Yet, that is the story, my friends, as silly as it can be. After updating our timeline and thinking maybe Karl Rove was playing some games with the Benghazi story and Fox News, it's really much simpler, pathetic and silly.

New York Times:

Ms. Kelley, a volunteer with wounded veterans and military families, brought her complaint to a rank-and-file agent she knew from a previous encounter with the F.B.I. office, the official also said. That agent, who had previously pursued a friendship with Ms. Kelley and had earlier sent her shirtless photographs of himself, was “just a conduit” for the complaint, he said. He had no training in cybercrime, was not part of the cyber squad handling the case and was never assigned to the investigation.

But the agent, who was not identified, continued to “nose around” about the case, and eventually his superiors “told him to stay the hell away from it, and he was not invited to briefings,” the official said. The Wall Street Journal first reported on Monday night that the agent had been barred from the case.

Later, the agent became convinced — incorrectly, the official said — that the case had stalled. Because of his “worldview,” as the official put it, he suspected a politically motivated cover-up to protect President Obama. The agent alerted Eric Cantor, the House majority leader, who called the F.B.I. director, Robert S. Mueller III, on Oct. 31 to tell him of the agent’s concerns.

The official said the agent’s self-described “whistle-blowing” was “a little embarrassing” but had no effect on the investigation.

Got that? David Petraeus is in disgrace because he had a midlife crisis or something and got hot and heavy with a woman prone to jealous, impulsive acts. Meanwhile, some FBI agent with the hots for Jill Kelley and a "worldview" that included weird and unprovable conspiracy theories about political coverups to protect President Obama got impatient and contacted his teaBircher Congressional buddies. What excuse will Joe Scarborough have for the takedown of his "rising star" now?

Glenn Beck must be so proud, as must Eric Cantor. And now it is time for reckoning to occur. I would very much like to know the name of this proud conspiracy theorist who managed to cock up an ongoing FBI investigation and feed Fox News a few days of incredibly stupid conspiracy theories to gnash over.

He should post his shirtless photos and creepy text messages to Jill Kelley online too, because seriously, he should be roundly ridiculed for his involvement in business that was not his own. For that matter, what is Jill Kelley doing turning to this poor besotted lout for assistance with her "harassing emails"?

Do any of these people have any sense or do they just all float around doing stupid all day?

Update: Oh my, now it's getting really interesting. Seems the FBI is now looking at Jill Kelley's email, because there is the possibility of 20-30,000 -- yes, that's thousands -- of inappropriate emails with General John R. Allen, US/NATO Commander in Afghanistan.

Yep, they're "keeping us safe."

Stay tuned for the next episode of "As National Security Turns."