Comments by tweakerbelle
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
Without him, I don't see a Firesign Theatre, and without a Firesign Theatre, the USA is cooked, because Bill Hicks and George Carlin now passed, I don't see much in the way of deep self critique coming out of the USA.
EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG. Bergman proved it and only a few of you listened. Now he is gone and you don't even care.
Woe to you if you do not love, trust, and understand Firesign Theatre, especially the first 4 records, which constitute a canonical series. Find Them. Buy Them. Memorise Them. A friend of mine said (And I agree) "Tweaky darlin', they are the closest thing the USA ever came to Shakespeare...", and I have to agree with him.
Get these records. Know Them. Know Them Well:
1. Waiting for the Electrician or someone like him.
2. How Can You Be In Two Places At Once, When you're not anywhere at all?
3. Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.
4. I think we're all bozos on this bus.
Art. Pure Art.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
L is a work of art, and Freeze Frame is some kind of awesome.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
Its nice to be anti-war and all that but when extremist fly air planes into the twin towers (and attempt to incite other extremist to attack this country) that will always provoke a military response from this country.
These things don't happen in a vacuum, dumbass. You think it was all just "hunky dory tra la la" trees and flowers and chirpy birds and these guys from the al qaeda said "Hmmmm. I have an idea - let's fly JETS INTO BUILDINGS! That sounds like FUN!" And then they asked themselves, "Buh buh but WHERE will we fly jets into buildings?" And one of them said "I know! Let's cut little strips of paper and put the name of a country on each strip. And then we'll pull one out of a hat! Sound good?" And they all said "Yay - that's fair!" And they pulled the USA out of the hat, next thing you know - jets fly into the WTC / Pentagon / Pennsylvania field.
So, if it WASN'T by fair random chance, then pray tell WHY would they do that? Maybe it had something to do with the American EMPIRE that straddles the planet and consistently beats the crap out of people / countries / organisations who don't get in line, especially in the middle east where all the oil that gets pissed away into the suburban nightmare that is the American Dream? And that under Clinton, the USA was wildly expanding its Empire, including bases in Saudi Arabia, which is EXACTLY what pissed off al Qaeda the most in the first place?
And you're such a liberal dipstick that you don't see you're carrying water for the very forces that advocate empire, and are raping the planet for the sake of a dividend and a quarterly profit?
Bite my little tweakerbutt, dangerfield.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
Why do I call Obama the Kenyan Socialist? Because IF he was either/and Kenyan or Socialist (which he isn't, obviously) he would be a much better president. But he's NOT Kenyan, so he really doesn't understand endocolonialism, and he's not a Socialist, so he has not real program to make the world a better place. He's a tool of the banking system and basically a very conservative person. Read my other posts and keep up, will ya?
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
How about a war on Everybody?
"How can anyone who vocally decried Bush’s mere eavesdropping and detention powers without judicial review possibly justify Obama’s executions without judicial review? How can the former (far more mild powers) have been such an assault on Everything We Stand For while the latter is a tolerable and acceptable assertion of war powers? "
http://www.salon.com/2012/03/06/attorney_gene...
I mean, seriously people - Obama CAN KILL SOMEONE TOMORROW. Legally. No trial, no recourse, and they can even be American Citizens.
Nice. So, now you get to choose between the Game Show Host or the Kenyan Socialist.
Not much of a choice when they'll both cheerfully sign off on your death warrant.
Oh, that's right - they don't need a warrant...
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
made the memorable Englishman in New York:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQr6FYFEjI8
The video's very cool. The lyrics are hysterically funny.
Demented New York athletes staggering round the block
Deformed Chicanos pour in Chicago's rolling stock
Digital bathrooms drilling for furs
Surgical stockings marked 'His' and 'Hers'
Guggenheim attitudes back to back with Jewish Baroque
No way street, no way street, no way street
Happy to see you, have a nice day
Defecting Russian dancers dance into Hockney prints
Exclusive to Bloomingdales, gift-wrapped in red
From the land of blue rinse
They boggle at menus in Olde English verse
'Ode to a burger' by Keats at his worst
The hissing of omelettes, the breaking of legs
Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eggs
The pink fillet mignon looks black on the negs
Strange apparatus you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Street alligators, big Anglophile
Will navigate us through a change of style
I came, I saw, what manner of beast is this
New York, you talk a little bit left of centre
A scream, a shout, New York is throwing its weight about
Walk tall, walk straight, spit the world right in the eye
The stranger the wood, the straighter the arrow
Dismembered hopeful My-Lai veterans queuing for sleaze
'Sorry no dogs, no fags, no shriners and no amputees'
Sexual athlete applies for audition
Willing to make it in any position
Just one of the extras with blood on their faces
In 'Snow White and The Seven Basket Cases'
I'm happy and dopey and dirty in places
No way street, no way street, no way street
Lock up your daughters, Avon crawling
Devoted collectors of paraphernalia out walking the rock
Battle and bitch for the ultimate kitch of a crucifix clock
Two miniature Romans, running on rails
Appear every hour and bang in the nails
Oh, I've got to have it, Christ, I gotta be the first on our block
Disturbing facts about Nazi splinter groups seen on the news
They're picketing synagogues and claiming that
Hitler was King of the Jews
Caught in the tunnel an ambulance howls
A men's room attendant is flapping his jowls
Shh, Howard Johnson is moving his bowels
Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Street alligators, big Anglophile
Will navigate us through a change of style
Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Walk tall, walk straight, spit the world right in the eye
The stranger the wood, the straighter the arrow
No way street, no way street, no way street, no way street
No way street, no way street, no way street, no way street
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
My fave?
I PITY INANIMATE OBJECTS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_-YiM2vZuo
I pity inanimate objects
Because they can't move
From specks of dust to paperweights
Or a pound note sealed in resin
Plastic Santas in perpetual underwater snowstorms
Sculptures that appear to be moving
But aren't
I feel sorry for them all
What are they thinking
When they arrive at a place
Do they sigh with disappointment
And when they leave
Do they have regrets?
Is a sofa as happy in one corner
As it is in another
And how does the room feel about it?
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity them all
Physics isn't fair
Is a tree as a rocking horse
An ambition fulfilled
And is the sawdust jealous?
I worry about these things
Peppercorns don't move
Until they contaminate the ice-cream
Three weeks later
Is the gold in Fort Knox happy gold?
I care about these things
Some things are better left alone
Grains of sand prefer their own company
But magnets are two faced
No choice for sugar
But what choice could there be
But to drown in coffee or to drown in tea?
The frustrations of being inanimate
Maybe its better that way
The fewer the moving parts
The less there is to go wrong
I wonder about these things
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity them all
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
I used to call Limbaugh His Immensity, as a kind of tip o the hat to the Beatles Blue Meanie "No, your Blueness" kind of thing. And I'm already using Jabba on Gingrich as in Jabba the Grinch. So now I need to figure out a new name for Limbaugh...
The Piehole?
The Gut Bag?
OxyFatSack?
The Pooh Peddler?
Bubba the Junk?
The King of Queef?
The Corinthian Leather Boy?
The Turdstool?
Suggestions? I'm at a loss here.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
I just remembered I don't have to go in until 3 today! So, I think I'll just soak my head head in a vat of coffee so I can go back to my Cornholio schtick and TURN INTO TWEAKERBELLE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!
She spins and spins and spins and bleats! (BLEATS!) (like a shweeeeet baby lambie kins!)
"OH WOE TO YOU LIBERAL DORKS! I SEE FARTHER INTO THE FUTURE THAN ALL OF YOUSE LOUSY PUNKS! For Tweakerbelle titters (TITTERS!) at your foolishness, and demands your ATTENTION PLEASE! YOUR ATTENTION! ATTENTION! TENSION! TEN! TEN! NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TOO AND WON!"
And she slides back into her throne before the magic info machine and cries in a loud voice "Lemma Lemma Dilemma for ALL!!!! FOR I NOW PREDICT MORE OF THE evil Evil EVIL REPUBLICAN PRIMARY! Dali llama CHUGGERS! Sing song TWITTER BRAINS! I BRING YOU THE GOD OF HELL FIRE!
In Ohio - THE FROTHY ONE WINS! His greasy stench will sing loud and wide for his happy joy will be YOUR DEATH!
In Oklahoma - THE FROTHY ONE WINS! The Joads roll in their graves!
In Tennessee - THE FROTHY ONE WINS! Jebus, Gary and Broseph! IS HE UNSTOPPABLE???
In Vermont - YES HE IS! All wired for sound, The Game Show Host wins this one on cruise control.
And in Virginia? The Game Show Host takes it big time. For all the Northern VA thugs who work for the MIC come out in droves to stop the Frothy One. However, the Southern VA meth weasels come out in droves and propel Jabba the Grinch to a second place finish.
The great and mighty Tweakerbelle collapses in her coffee, her powers spent, she slumps in her throne, the one she found in the street with all the dried boogers on the bottom but otherwise in excellent shape, and asks Bog (or someone like him) to please Please PLEASE stop the madness....
Now I think I'll get some lunch... Open the fridge - what have we got... Hmmmmm. Some pizza... Some laughing cow cheese - no... that's my mescaline... damn. There's nothing to eat. I think I'll watch some TV on the Computer...
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
The Sweet Tweaky Goddess of all Tweakerdom dances (yes DANCES!) across the living room, with her head in a towel (to keep her wet hair out of her face) and before she scampers off to her soul deadening wage slavery, again starts talking about herself in the third person and swoons (SWOONS!) and collapses in her chair before the magic info box. Her head tilts and her eyes roll back and she is transported into
TWEAKERBELLE: THE FALLIBLE GODDESS OF TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND BONG HITS.
Her eyes normalise and focus, one slightly crosses and with the voice of BOG (or someone like him) she barks:
"FOUL AND VILE LIBERALS! QUAKE! QUAKE I TELLS YA! For the great and powerful TWEAKERBELLE SPEAKS! And she is ANGRY. For she brings predictions of the NEAREST FUTURE! And they are of the evil Evil EVIL REPUBLICAN PARTY and its USELESS super Tuesday Primary!!!! For they must learn to LET IT GO! And just as they are letting go, so too, the great and completely hammered TWEAKERBELLE is about to let it go! "
And she spins and dances to the bathroom! And she continues in her chant, shrieking,
"For just as TWEAKERBELLE is going to let it go, you too must let it go! We must ALL let it go! MMmmMmmRRrRRRGGggggGGGGaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Yes! Look at that STEAMING HEAP! LOOK AT IT! The great and powerful TWEAKERBELLE calls it: THE REPUBLICAN PLATFORM OF 2012!!!!"
And she wipes and flushes and dances back to her thorne before the MAGIC INFO MACHINE! And she bangs (BANGS!) her head against the keyboard three times, and out comes:
gsfdvjvgsdfrdjkhg
ywvrepwveyrivrtyei
djrhtgtrgvjinutreibn
And as she peers into the gibberish, she recognises PROPHECY!
Gently she looks up and sings (to the tune of some old TV Show from the 70s she saw in re-runs as a kid):
O Liberal dupes of the industrial conspiracy to kill the planet, WOE to YOU! WOE I tells you! For here I see the Republican results of Super Tuesday, and it is a sad sight:
In Alaska I see a VICTORY! Yes! Crazy Uncle Crankypants gets a complete sweep regardless of how many votes he gets because: indeed: his minions (damn I wish I had minions) are many, young, and strong and the delegates will be apportioned unto them! YES! Crazy Uncle Crankypants will walk away with all Alaskan delegates!
In Georgia, it is cloudy - do I see an eruption of Froth? OR is it Jabba the Grinch, all stinky and oozing like a sweating piece of rotting pork? Or is that the odor of the Frothy One?The image is cloudy! But it appears that Jabba the Grinch will win in Georgia, but not far ahead of the Frothy One who will take many delegates!
In Idaho - Oh Noes! Another disaster! The Game Show Host wins the popular vote, but none of the delegates! They all go to Crazy Uncle Crankypants, because the Holiday Inn in Boise ran a 2 for 1 drink special in the Boom Boom Room, and all of the Game Show Hosts supporters went THERE to get drunk and ogle the famous stripper, Trixie McFarland, as she takes her pleasures from the snake, instead of keeping vigilant. Again, Crazy Uncle Crankypants steals all the delegates with his young, strong and handsome men in their alluring brown shirt uniforms....
In Massachussetts, The Game Show Host wins, but with a surprising showing from the Frothy One.
And finally, In North Dakota.... THE FROTHY ONE WINS!
This is a horror! TREMBLE LIBERALS! YOUR TIME IS NIGH!"
And with this, the great and powerful TWEAKERBELLE trembles and shakes and hocks up a loogie into the trashpail and curses "I'll never drink wine and vodka in the same evening again..." and from there she realises she is late for work and so she . . .
(tape runs out)
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
Fluke is a zero, a nobody (like me). His Immensity is a multi-jillion dollar media machine. His power position influences his sense of self worth and codifies his behaviour. Therefore, he does not give personal apologies. His minions provide them in behalf of the media product that is His Immensity. Jabba the Grinch knows this and pulls the same crap all the time. Expecting any different from either of these turd juggling idiots is an exercise in futility. They need to go away.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
Newt is only in this to up his speaker fees.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
Always a woman to him? What a condescending patronising idiotic .... grrrrrrrr. I don't know which is worse, Helen Reddy's smarmy circus barker bullshit or Billy Joel's sexist nausea inducing idiotic troglodytic condescending patronising CRAP. Fuck both of you assholes.
Let'ts put it in the other shoe and see how it fits, eh?
He can kill with a smile
He can wound with his eyes
He can ruin your faith with his casual lies
And he only reveals what he wants you to see
He hides like a child,
But he's always a man to me
He can lead you to love
He can take you or leave you
He can ask for the truth
But he'll never believe you
And he'll take what you give him, as long as it's free
Yeah, he steals like a thief
But he's always a man to me
Oh--he takes care of himself
He can wait if he wants
He's ahead of his time
Oh--and he never gives out
And he never gives in
He just changes his mind
And he'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then he'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But he'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause he's always a man to me
--Mhmm--
Oh--he takes care of himself
He can wait if he wants
He's ahead of his time
Oh--and he never gives out
And he never gives in
He just changes his mind
He is frequently kind
And he's suddenly cruel
He can do as he pleases
He's nobody's fool
And he can't be convicted
He's earned his degree
And the most he will do
Is throw shadows at you
But he's always a man to me
---------------------------------------------------
So now now does that make you feel? Imagine your entire sex being judged in this way. I, as a female, find Billy Joel's retarded paen to cynical pedestalism revolting, and your appreciation of him equally irritating.
It's very simple - You're Equal, But Different. It's OBVIOUS. So Obvious. If Mr TB can understand it, you can.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
and always hated it. Nice message, but damn that is one smarmy piece of crap.
This is more my style, because, A: it's smarter and B: It's All So Obvious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ3A4SZ1WWE
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
needs to take the gyroscope OUT of his monkey hole.
It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
