So I head over to the Kerry tent - friendly turf. I am told by a campaign worker I do not need a #2 pencil. I don't believe him. I demand proof. I don't, can't fuck this up. He looks deep into my eyes and assures me this is the truth. I believe. I head back to the tank. Out comes the ballot - you have to connect a broken arrow to the candidate of your choice creative. I connect the arrow for Kerry/Edwards, then vote straight dem line. Ballot props? Oh fuck me - I have to read them all. I do and m:ake the best decision I can. Sheriffs? Well, one guy looks like a fascist. He's out. Later I find out I did the right thing. I vote all the judges - fuck em.
They're gone (By the way, for those of you wondering - I did not vote in California). I finish every thing and sign the ballot, then some secret card, but it says I must enclose ID? What, a copy? Or do I put in my actual voter card. It is clearly ambiguous. I read it over and over again as the rain slams onto the roof of the death mobile.
I head out in the rain again. Giant ballot shoved deep into my pants - a battery of lawyers surround me as I explain my predicament. I am lead by two to the front door. Another woman poll worker follows close behind yelling, "This is illegal. You shouldn't have to show proof." The pig circus is in full bloom. I am marched into the office. It's filled with cops, poll workers, international observers, and old folks in walkers and people behind the counter. I am greeted by the cop. "I just need information," I mutter defensively, like I have somehow penetrated behind enemy lines too early in the conflict. He points to the woman behind the desk. She happens to be a three and half foot black dwarf with arms about 12 inches long. I don't have the heart to take her picture, so you'll have to take my word for this. She says in a high voice, "You need a photo id." I ask if I have to photo copy my passport.
She says in a southern twang - "Naw honey, I'll do it fer ya." I am pleased. It seems first time voters who receive an absentee ballot must show proof of identity - You would never be able to tell this from the ballot. I emerge with an answer- all the lawyers surround me - this is clearly big news. I AM A VOTING CELEBRITY!