An oldie but a goodie from Down with Tyranny. How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I couldn't find any Fox News/lightbulb jokes online. Maybe they don't screw in lightbulbs. Feel free to make some jokes up, or give us other Sunday night thoughts in the open thread below....
And thanks much for your patience this weekend as we at C&L worked out some server problems. You folks are the best.
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Q. How many republican economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The free market will cause the light bulb to change itself.
Oh, am I first?
Q. How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They declare darkness a standard.
Please get a copy of kanan makiya's interview on wbur.org last week. it is painful to listen to and i'm glad the viewers "dissed" him. he calls himself an intellectual, but he is so out of touch, even today, it's pathetic.
none, republicans are incapable of change.
How many evangelical christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, if god wants there to be light ..................
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: However many you can pack in there.
There is no light at Fox.
None.
Fox Folks are more into torches and pitchforks. There's is a medieval mentality.
As for the Microsoft engineers version you got it wrong.
Darkness is not a bug; it's a feature!
One to argue that a compact fluorescent light bulb isn't necessary since Climate Change is a myth.
Today Tim Rutten of the Los Angeles Times got a little hot under the collar about Ann Coulter’s latest outrageous remarks saying, “Jews should be perfected.” Among other things he points out:”…
"supersessionism," the theological notion that Christianity "completes" or "perfects" Judaism is, along with the deicide libel, anti-Semitism's major theological underpinning. Indeed, in Central and Western Europe between the world wars, there was a substantial body of purportedly "respectable" intellectual opinion that held "supersessionism" made possible a "reasonable" theological anti-Semitism that was entirely licit, as opposed to the Nazis' and fascists' illicit, "racially based" anti-Semitism. It is fair to say that the rails leading to Auschwitz were greased by precisely the opinion Coulter expressed on American television this week.”
My question is: where was his outrage when she said, "When contemplating college liberals, you really regret once again that John Walker is not getting the death penalty. We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed, too. Otherwise, they will turn out to be outright traitors."
Or this? "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war."
Or, “There are no good Democrats.”
I am at least happy enough she has finally offended members of the media. However this will finally and forever shut down the myth of a "Liberal Media."
Not a light bulb joke, but enlightening nevertheless...
Top 10 Pseudosciences with More Scientific Credibility than Intelligent Design or Creationism:
10. Perpetual Motion - the applied notion of continuous energy has more merit than anything that could come from Creationism.
9. Faith healing - studying the psychological effects of desperate people who fall for this scam is worth more than anything Creationism presents.
8. Homeopathic Medicine - They are at least truthful when they say that there are no side-effects.
7. Seances and Divination of the Dead - Cold reading has more psychological merit than Creationism has scientific merit.
6. Phlogiston Theory - a notion based on actual observation of rusting metal and burning wood.
5. Astrology - Overtly ambiguous readings which are derived from factual Astronomical observations.
4. Alchemy - Intellectually retarded applications aside, the study of basic chemical reactions are still worthy of merit.
3. Parapsychology - At least there are tests to produce direct supporting evidence that ESP and other psychic phenomena exists in people. Those tests haven't produced anything, but at least they have the tests. Creationists don't have that much.
2. Paranormal studies - even a fake photo and odd sounds on tape recordings are more than what Creationism has to support it.
1. Storks delivering babies - a photo of a stork and a photo of a baby is more supporting evidence than anything Creationism has to offer.
Don't they need one more to fax the light- bulb- changing talking points to Fox Noise.
How come it takes 3 Republicans to screw up a lightbulb?
'Cause they're so darn stupid!
anyone else noticing a lot of exxon commercials lately?
> Q. How many republican economists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. The free market will cause the light bulb to change itself. Oh, am I first?
The first to witness the free market act in any way the Republican'ts think it will?
The Fox joke premiers in a few hours: 24-hour Cavutovision!
Q. What happened when the drummer locked his keys in the car?
A. It took a half hour to get the bass player out.
One to smear the person who pointed out that the light bulb needed changing.
One to get the wrong light bulb for the fixture.
One to deny there is anything wrong with the improperly retrieved bulb.
One to fire the guy who pointed out the bulb retrieved was the improper one.
One to suggest building a wall around the fixture to keep any illegal aliens from changing it.
One to blame Clinton for the first light bulb burning out.
One to blame Clinton for the retrieval of the incorrect replacement.
One to outsourse the making of the ladder to India.
One to blame Labor Unions for the scarcity of ladders in America.
One to wait until the Democrats are in office to straighten out the whole mess.
How many? Hmmm I'm thinking. Do you count all the media there for the photo op?
How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two.
One to hold the ladder and one to change my mother.
I meant my penis. lightbulb LIGHTBULB!!
I'm not really into name calling but somehow "crybaby" springs to mind
I didn't agree with geraldo saying what he said (or the way he expressed his feelings) but come on......... If Malkin can't take that..............
how many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3
one to screw it in, one to screw it into, and one to block the mens room door to keep the cops out.
Oh here's a link
http://insidecable.blogsome.com/2007/10/14/malkin-quits-the-factor/
xoites, you forgot:
One to accuse George Soros for paying the light bulb to burn out
One to demand that MoveOn apologize for the light bulb
How many Repugs does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, that's something for democrats and mexicans to do. Repugs only screw children and men in bathrooms.
if they are halliburton repugs, and the bulb is in a building in iraq, they would just burn the building the bulb was in down and build a new one.
How many Republicans to change the light bulb?
none... they are much more at home in the darkness...
Dirtpatch @ 25:
Yes and very expensively with subcontracted labor after which it would colapse.
Q: How many Faux News employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Why do you hate America?
8
a committee of 7 to decide a congressional page should change it, and one to pull mark foley off of said page long enough to change it.
Two- one man and one woman. That's it. No exceptions.
None. Republicans don't do menial labor.
How many Fox News shouting heads does it take to change a lightbulb?
If I tell you the real number, I'll be fired, so I'll simply respond that the appropriate number of shouting heads have been deployed to accomplish the mission. These will include:
One to deny that the bulb needs changing.
One to explain that the bulb is indeed fine, but 9/11 changed everything.
One to charge that the only thing wrong with the bulb is the liberal media.
One to argue we should stay the course.
One to blame Congress.
One to blame the commies at MoveOn.
A secret number of operatives from the OVP, who are there for reasons that cannot be divulged without aiding the terrorists.
And last, one to blame Clinton, to which all the rest heartily respond "hear, hear!"
How long will it take to change the lightbulb?
Six days, six weeks, I doubt six months.
While we are on the topic of screwing, let good ole George Carlin tell you just how screwed you are:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF1iy6dOAi8&mode=related&search=
32 Super Karate Monkey Death Car
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
legislation was introduced in the senate today authorizing the president to use military force against any and all countries harboring light-bulb manufacturers.
If it's any consolation, the Dems show some spine on the Armenian Genocide resolution.
None. They can always force someone else to do it for them.
Repubs changing lightbulbs:
One to call the burnt out lightbulb a lazy welfare soak because it stopped working.
One to bitch that all his taxes are going to pay for the new lightbulb.
One to rat the lightbulbs out to Malkin.
Malkin so that she can stalk the new bulb to make sure it is not too rich to be lightbulb.
Hundreds to threaten to give the bulb a power surge.
How many Republicans does it take?
None. Because the whole fucking world revolves around THEM.
Question: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None. They outsource it.
Q: How many Virginians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to put the new bulb in, and seven to talk about how great the old one was.
How many Fox "news" reporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're paid to keep you in the dark.
The people at Faux propaganda don't screw in light bulbs because they don't want to see the light.
1. A conservative blogger to go to the house and divine whether or not the family that uses the light bulb deserved to have it in the first place.
2. A Fox News anchor to point out that Hitler once changed a light bulb, and therefore no one else ever should, unless they're a Republican.
3. A president who knows nothing about electricity to ignore the issue and proclaim that he doesn't own a light bulb, has never seen a light bulb, and doesn't even know what a "ligit buble," or whatever you call it, is.
4. A chief of staff to notify that president that the light bulb went out, so that that president can sit on his ass for seven seconds and do nothing about it.
5. An independent no-bid contractor, to send hundreds of thousands of mercenaries with machine guns in to change the light bulb at ten times the cost of what the electric company would charge.
6. A Christian eveangelist, to stand by the light bulb and wait for it to fix itself, as God once said "let there be light," and there's no rule about taking Bible verses completely out of context.
7. An anti-gay parent, who will find the broken light bulb, step on it, smashing it into a million pieces, throw it in the garbage and then insist on sitting in darkness for the rest of their miserable life.
8. A conservative economist, to point out that everyone else on the block has working light bulbs in their houses, therefore the broken light bulb is working perfectly and doesn't need fixing.
9. A conservative scientist, to insist that light science is just a theory, and equal time in fixing the light bulb should be given to the idea that people can see just as easily see in darkness.
10. A presidential candidate to remind everyone that he was there when the light bulb went out, therefore he is an expert on deciding what the new light bulb should be.
xoites defnds Constitution @ 17:
Excellent, xoites!
Question: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: One. But it also requires one Democrat to drop trow and bend over.
How many democrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10
1 to write a strongly worded letter to the owner of the bulb saying it is out.
1 to stand with republicans in saying the lightbulb doesn't need changing.
1 to propose a resolution to condemn Iran.
1 to go on Fox news saying that we need to be more bipartisan.
1 to say that screwing in lightbulbs is off the table.
1 to argue that lightbulbs are a waste of energy so we should unscrew more.
1 to chair the committe that will look into the lightbulb issue.
1 to move that we set the light bulb issue aside because there is not enough time to take care of it before darkness comes.
1 to say that we still haven't done anything about the lightbulb.
1 to say we don't have the votes to do anything about it.
They'll start by saying government is incapable of changing a light bulb then they'll try to change it, borrow billions of dollars from China, then fuck it up so it'll never work, and then pat themselves on the back for being right that, indeed, government isn't capable of changing a light bulb.
One to call up their buddy at Enron to get them to turn back on the power.
It takes 4 to 9 republicans to replace a light bulb depending on what's in it for them.
OR
We can't tell you how many republicans it takes to replace a light bulb because if we did we'd be helping the terrorists.
OR
The issue here is not the lightbulb, but the wiring. The democrats wired this room and it's their fault.
OR
It's un-American and communistic to replace that light bulb. Real patriots would install a new light fixture and new wiring. I know a company that can do it for a mere $200,000.
How many dead Iraqi citizens does it take to turn a light bulb . . . on?
It takes 4 - 10 republicans to change a light bulb depending on what's in it for them.
OR
We can't tell you how many republicans are needed to change a light bulb. If we did we'd be helping the terrorists.
tom @ 50:
Best response so far.
it's not politics but - how many amish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ans: it doesn"t matter how many; they are all going to hell
and of course i am going to hell for telling this joke and you are going to hell if you think this is in any way funny. so there.
seriously folks, i'm from kentucky and in the last few decades there have been lots more amish and menonites in the area and everybody loves and respects them--but hey they don't use the net so they won't hear the joke and if they do they are non-violent so i won't get my butt stomped.
:)
Open thread OT
For the past several months, I've been experimenting with a cutting edge cardiofeedback system that I've dubbed "Gizmo." The more I work with it, the more I realize that this a paradigm shifting technology, and I wanted update folks on my progress. Come have a look.
A: You simply can't tell. Although they all do it, they never admit to screwing anywhere at all.
just one, cheney and a 500 watt bulb to screw up bush's ass.
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys,...
all on different limbs,... at different levels,...
some climbing up.
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
should you be in a wide stance when changing the lightbulb?
FOX would take a week to make their faithful
wax about how it is the lightbulb's fault it was out.
That they are without light would be without coverage.
One, using supply-side economics.
Simply let the electric company supplying the electricity to said lightbulb have a tax break, thus allowing them to put more money into producing electricity. Eventually the lightbulb will have more electricity by way of the trickle-down effect and it will shine once more.
Oh wait, is the lightbulb burnt out?
What "some are saying" about the lightbulb:
Sean Hannity: Hillary's cackle shattered the bulb!
Michelle Malkin: I went over to the bulb's house -- it's a palace! If the bulb needs changing, let it hire someone to do it and leave us out of it.
David Broder: Now, now, some of us prefer to be in the dark.
Ann Coulter: The bulb just needs to be perfected. Oh, and we should kill Democrats.
Bill O'Reilly: That bulb is lazy and un-American and prefers to be out, so I say cut its power!
John Gibson: It's obviously a black person's bulb, because white people can see in the dark.
Larry Craig: I'm taking a wide stance on the bulb issue. Hey, wanna go to the bathroom?
Rush Limpbaugh: The Darkocrats want to leave the bulb out so they can sneak in more illegal immigrants and have more abortions!
Bill Kristol: Forget about changing that lightbulb, we need to smash the one next to it!
COMPANY POLICY
Start with a cage containing five repugniKKKans.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long, a repugniKKKan will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other repugniKKKans with cold water.
After a while, another repugniKKKan makes an attempt with the same result all the other repugniKKKans are sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon, when another repugniKKKan tries to climb the stairs, the other repugniKKKans will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one repugniKKKan from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new repugniKKKan sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.
To his surprise and horror, all of the other repugniKKKans attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five repugniKKKans and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.
The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!
Likewise, replace a third original repugniKKKan with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.
Every time the newest repugniKKKan takes to the stairs, he is attacked.
Most of the repugniKKKans that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest repugniKKKan.
After replacing all the original repugniKKKans, none of the remaining repugniKKKans have ever been sprayed with cold water.
Nevertheless, no repugniKKKan ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.
Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.
And that, my friends, is how party policy begins.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Now you crazy lefty liberals want to give away our national security secrets on light bulbs, Liberals hate our troops and want the terrorists to win. I guess you also want to tell Al Quaida, why the chicken crossed the road!
1 for the money
2 for the show
3 to get Cheney
and go cat go!
Oops, that won't fix the problem anyway, when there's no electricity.
The lightbulb will come back on, just stay the course.
None. We don't need no stinkin' lightbulb, 'cause light will just trickle down from the wealthiest 1%.
Lightbulbs?
Healthcare for kids?
Hey. We got a war with terrists to fight here people.
Cover that libruls.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Halliburton
> ... Hey. We got a war with terrists to fight here people. Cover that libruls.
I thought we were supposedly in Iraq so we wouldn't have to fiight them here. Does that cover it enough for you?
It takes 160,000 Republicans to screw in a light bulb. But they all have to be in Iraq so we won't have to change the light bulb over here.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: [redacted]
Q: How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 9/11
Q: How many republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Halliburton has the light bulb contract.
Q: How many republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The United States DOES NOT use light bulbs... that said, there is the "ticking time bomb" scenario - and one cannot rule out any enhanced re-luminating techniques that may help save American lives
Q. How many republican economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. "Screwing in a lightbulb" is GOP code for "Come blow me in the broom closet."
> A: [redacted]
:-)
> A. “Screwing in a lightbulb” is GOP code for “Come blow me in the broom closet.”
How do you think the lightbulb got "blown" out in the first place? :-)
> … Hey. We got a war with terrists to fight here people. Cover that libruls.
I thought we were supposedly in Iraq so we wouldn’t have to fiight them here. Does that cover it enough for you?
--------------------
It was sarcasm.
Sorry. I see where that mode is off the charts this time of day.
Republicans are too busy screwing the country to be worried about light bulbs.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: First you have to find one that wants to see the light.
There's no need. 9/11 changes everything.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb...
This is the wrong question. A better question might be, "When do Republicans start the media campaign to get the lightbulb replaced and how do they run the media campaign?"
"Well we can't do it the summer, everybody is on vacation."
"The other problem is the lightbulb does not need changing."
"SHUTUP! That is a secret. Now, the next thing we do we need to do is scare the living shit out of the American public so they get behind changing the lightbulb."
Well, you know the rest.
> It was sarcasm.
I apologize for misreading the intent.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Rudy Giuliani said you need 9 republicans to hold the ladder and 11 republicans to screw in the light bulb
Mitt Romney is not sure, he would have to check with his attorneys first.
We are still waiting for Fred Thompson to answer.
McCain said 10, then he changed it to 1, then he went back to 10, now he is pretty sure the right answer is 5, but ask him again tomorrow.
Condi Rice is not sure because no one could have imagined that a light bulb would go out.
George Bush said screwing in a light bulb is hard work and he is the Screwer
Q. How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Republicans don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in big piles of money and stem cells.
Oh...big ol' congrats to Larry Craig on his induction into the Idaho Hall of Fame. I know I couldn't be any prouder to be an Idahoan right now.
My local pub has a sign outside that says..."Only one stall...less problems"
I hear he's decided on his Halloween costume. He's going naked except for a strategically placed potato. He's going as a "Dick-Tater".
How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We'll have to do it ourselves because all the chickenhawks are too busy. They're in their momma's basement eating Cheetos and playing Grand Theft Auto.
I've heard this first version of this joke originated with former Clinton staffers in 2004 during the Kerry campaign.
One of my favorites:
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Republicans only screw the poor.
Q: How many neocons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Listen, the light bulb would be screwed in, except that Bill Clinton failed to notice that the light bulb was going out in the first place, and we just need six more months for the corner to be turned.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, to sign the $200,000 check for Blackwater's 'light bulb changing' division.
Q: How many Fox News anchors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Clinton. Clinton! CLINTON!
(Please to be reading in fake Russian accent)
Q: How many Russian cosmonauts it take to change light bulb?
A: Just one, but... why change? Is not broke bad. Can fix!
Screw it in? Well, what the heck is that SCUD over there for then, huh?
The list was funny but it was missing the one who points out that after Bush changed the light bulb it has not need changing since.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. No one wants to screw a republican.
They don't change anything at Fox news. They're all dimbulbs.
How many soldiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, seeing as it's the conquest of our lives and the answer to saving all existence, I'd say......only about 130,000.
"Why change it at all? The surge is working."
J. McCain
How many mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- None. "I'll just sit here in the dark.....don't bother yourself."
How many real men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- None - real men aren't afraid of the dark.
How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- MY light bulb isn't burnt out, so you're on your own!
How many Stevie Wonders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- How would he know, and why should he care?
...
how many jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
(say in jewish mother accent)
"None, I'm fine, never mind me, I'll be OK here alone in the dark, really
just leave me here, the mother that raised you and changed your diapers.
I'm fine, never mind,...."
...
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.
Republicans are too busy hanging out in bathrooms looking for gay sex while their wives and children are at home waiting for him to come home.
How does Rudy Giuliani change a lightbulb?
By reminding it about 9/11 and then having sex with his cousin.
I agree with Wellstoner. That version of the joke started specificly as a Jewish mother joke (there are many. But I'm not thinking of any others at the moment.)
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You're gonna need a new house.
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. No light is needed at any George Bush Presidential Library.
> Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They use L.E.D.'s instead.
One to torture the light bulb until it confesses that the reason it failed to light is that al qaida is behind its failure
One to come up with a secret court to present the confession which is total fiction
One to release the light bulb to the trash because it's found to be no longer a threat
One lobbyist to bribe the buyer of light bulb that it must be purchased from the company the lobbyist represents
One buyer to purchase the light bulb for 1000 dollars for each component of the light bulb
One specialist to rent a secret room that the NSA is spying to make sure no terrorist will destroy the mission to build the new light bulb
One specialist to glue the different components of the light bulb for 1000 dollars an hour because the specialist has donated the Bush PAC 10 dollars
One specialist to test the light bulb to find out that it doesn't work
One Republican Congress to report that the Bush administration, though incompetent was not at fault because government doesn't work
One Democratic Congress to investigate why the Bush administration did not buy and replaced the old bulb
One Democratic Congress to report that despite the corruption of the Bush administration, impeachment is off the table.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don’t recall!
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I cannot answer that question because there is an ongoing investigation into how many republicans it takes to screw in a light bulb.
lafin gas and I have a pretty good thread going on based on this thread over on the LNMC if you're interested ...
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them...
...taking turns enacting their various (antics) strategies which include; slamming those who say it needs to be screwed in, promoting an alternative "shoving method", distracting people by bringing attention to the light switch, blaming democrats for originating the failed "shoving method" idea, blaming democrats for the need to change the lightbulb in the first place and then finally to whine about how poorly the democrats screwed in the lightbulb after they failed to step up and do the job themselves because they were too afraid of losing face to admit they didn't know how to do anything other than screw UP a lightbulb...
How many republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
“I can tell you without a doubt this nation does not use light bulbs.”
What is that in the light socket?
“I can’t discuss specific illumination techniques.”
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'm not sure exactly how many exactly but it would take a few Halliburton executives to secure a percentage profit guaranteed no bid government contract. Then they can purchase a fleet of luxury humvees to transport the light bulb. Get reimbursed fully for the cost plus the guaranteed profit. Then subcontract it to somebody else to actually do the work.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Er....um...that did it. We're suspending the election.
I can think of at least two:
One to look at a videotape of the old light bulb, and say, "I'm an electrician, and I can tell that the light bulb is not out. The light bulb is still on, and glowing."
And another to convene a special emergency session of Congress to intervene on behalf of the still-in-socket light bulb, in order to get a courts order to prevent anyone from unscrewing the light bulb, and...
(there's more to this list, if you feel so inspired, please continue)
Net Neutrality is essential to restoring our Constitution. I hope we are prepared to fight like hell for it if we need to.
[Deleted. Private Freedom-Sitemonitor]
How many Fox New producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
None. They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in their own vomit.
Ba dum bump.
This one needs to be told in the voice of Dennis Hopper, whacked out Apocalypse Now Hopper:
"Do you know how many Viet Nam vets it takes to screw in a light bulb?"
.....no? you don't kNOw? YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU CAN'T KNOW! YOU CAN'T KNOW 'CAUSE YOU WEREN'T THEEEERE MAAAN!!!
Bad taste, true dat, especially with so many guys coming back shooting W's overbudget production of Apocalypse Later with head injuries and PTSD, the sad souvenirs of a hell of choice.
The republicans would cut funding light bulbs,and it would take every last dime they could get from the lobbyists before they party lined it so.
FOX News--just in,
Does Sen Larry Craig deserve to be inducted into the Idaho hall of Fame ?
FOX asks, you decide?
Question; What do you call foreplay at the Rudy Guliani house?
Answer; Wake up Sis !
Holloween thought for Bush,
Remember those old Zombie movies, where the dead return to life only to have a ever so strong craving to eat human brains ?
Studies show, those Brain-eating Zombies would starve to death in the Bush Adm.
They would die of hunger at a republican convention for that matter.
The republicans just put the old bulb back in and tell us it will start working in 6 months...they continue this action for 5 1/2 years.
Dangar @ 113:
Watch Pelosi in this vid, which is also a subtle and not distracting ad for her opponent in the race: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y17LsD8MZ8A
Watch it especially after reading this trash in the article cited.
If I lived in Pelosi's district, I boot her out on her ass.
There goes another red state.
Just talking about a burned out light bulb will cause all the other light bulbs to burn out!
From the Republican playbook:
Before the light bulb malfunction occurs, a bill will be passed in Congress to address proper actions to take immediately following.
Step one: Provide a tax incentive to persons making over $200,000 per year to ensure that they will have an adequate supply of light bulbs to cover this emergency. This tax incentive is not necessary for those of us in the lower income brackets because we can't afford the electricity anyway.
Step two: Determine where the most likely occurence of a light bulb malfunction will occur and send in Blackwater.
Step three: Advise U.S. citizens via Fox that Canada and Mexico are part of the axis of evil and must be watched carefully when the lights are out.
Step four: Send the U.S. Navy to the northwest passage to prevent Canada from keeping their rightful territorial claim.
Step five: Declare war on somebody to show that we mean business and can handle ourselves when the lights go out.
Step six: Offend any other neighboring countries. They don't have to be exactly neighbors.
Step seven: Declare that Canada is harboring terrorists. Then invade. John Candy is no longer able to help - remember this.
Step eight: Get someone other than a Republican to change the light bulb and then blame them for the light going out in the first place.
Step nine: Two or three more Republicans do some really weird, perverted thing in public and then blame the left wing conspiracy while shouting that the media is a tool of the left.
Step ten: Start your re-election campaign.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."
After that he'll give a Rose Garden speech saying the burnt out lightbulb was just a comma in the nation's history.
Larry Craig will be the only Republican (unceremoniously) NOT participating in the changing, as he'll be "otherwise engaged" in Minneapolis.
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Since Nacy Pelosi took light bulb changing by Republicans off the table, I guess we'll never find out, we we?
126 was supposed to read:
Since Nancy Pelosi took light bulb changing by Republicans off the table, I guess we'll never find out, will we?
(I Hit the Submit button key accidentally)
Democrats would first blame Bush for letting the bulb burn out. Then declare the light socket 'unfixable'.
Then sit back and let the government do it
Republicans don't use light bulbs. They irradiate their homes with irrational hatred for mankind.
Orangutan. @ 112:
So are a few assassinations, but you didn't hear that from me! ;)
Gore Derangement Syndrome
By PAUL KRUGMAN
What is it about Al Gore that drives right-wingers insane? The worst thing about him, from the conservative point of view, is that he keeps being right.
Daily Reading pt 1...
Your Dollar Just Became More Worthless - 100 Billion Treasury Bailout - http://www.forbes.com/business/2007/10/13/banks-siv-treasury-biz-wallst-...
Leading U.S. banks have been meeting with U.S. Treasury officials about a $100-billion fund to stave off a fire sale of shaky mortgage-backed securities, collateralized debt obligations and other distressed assets. Such a fire sale could force big banks and hedge funds to write off or write down similar assets, setting off a second wave of the credit crunch that could flood into the broader economy. AND make your dollar worth next to NOTHING.
The 'free market' corporatists....getting ever so close to their neo-feudalistic society
Pentagon, FBI misusing secret info requests: ACLU - http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071015/pl_afp/usintelligencejusticeinterne...
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards was endorsed Sunday by Friends of the Earth Action, a national environmental group that highlighted his proposal to end global warming and his opposition to new nuclear plants in the United States.
- http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071014/ap_po/edwards_environment;_ylt=Atg5Y...
He's starting to look a lot better....Edwards/Obama would be a great ticket
40 GOP Scandals in 2007, and That's Just for Starters - http://newssophisticate.blogspot.com/2007/10/video-over-40-gop-scandals-in-2007.html
Mrs. Son of Oral Roberts Denies That She Uses Her "Position" at Oral Robert University to Have Sex with Boy Toys - http://www.fox23.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=e9ec7e0e-fd09-49da...
Report: As Al Qaeda regains strength in the badlands of the Pakistani-Afghan border, an increasing number of militants from mainland Europe are traveling to Pakistan to train and to plot attacks on the West, European and U.S. anti-terrorism officials say.
- http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-jihad14oct14,0,29448...
Meanwhile, the bush crime family & republicans ignore that...and concentrate on their failed 'free market' occupation of Iraq...
Tomgram: David Morse, Energy Wars and Lost Boys in Sudan - http://www.tomdispatch.com/post/174848
White House Embraces Right-Wing Blog That Called For ‘Destroying’ Graeme Frost - http://thinkprogress.org/2007/10/12/white-house-redstate/
Right wingnut noise machine still attacking 12 yr old boy...my aren't they just valiant, brave, heroic, and mighty champions of (insert words here)
Daily Reading pt 2...
Randi Rhodes: Naomi Klein is one of the more brilliant minds we have roaming around the Earth with us, and we are lucky to have her. She is an investigative reporter who is not only roaming around the world with her eyes wide open and her brain operating at full speed, but she is also a brilliant analyst of the things she sees and puts the whole thing together, and makes it accessible.
- http://words-of-power.blogspot.com/2007/10/randi-rhodes-interviews-naomi...
The Shock Doctrine....the GOP/Republican scheme to scare you...until death
David Podvin: "Except for oil. The price of crude oil reached a new high on Friday, so the estimated Iraqi petroleum reserves are now worth eighteen trillion dollars. It should not be hard to believe that people will lie when so much money is at stake, especially when you consider that most people are willing to lie for free.
But when the mammon is vast the lies become correspondingly enormous, with presidents and generals and senators and journalists all brazenly insisting that truth is fiction and vice versa."
- http://makethemaccountable.com/index.php/2007/10/14/david-podvin-eternal...
Krugman: Gore Derangement Syndrome - http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/15/opinion/15krugman.html?_r=1&ref=opinio...
"Which brings us to the biggest reason the right hates Mr. Gore: in his case the smear campaign has failed. He’s taken everything they could throw at him, and emerged more respected, and more credible, than ever. And it drives them crazy."
Gore, the Nobel, and the Green Tipping Point - http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1670871,00.html?imw=Y
Kristol Is Pushing For ‘The Next World War’ - http://thinkprogress.org/2007/10/14/iran-williams-kristol/
THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT: Younger voters giving GOP the cold shoulder: Frustration with war, strong views on social issues initiate new trend - http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5212398.html
How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. They stare at the burned out bulb for eight years until someone else comes in to change it.
(I would say until a Democrat comes along to fix it, but a lot of their bulbs are burnt out as well)
It was all a mistake. The light bulb was burning brightly but the Republicans changed it with one that was burned out.
How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They screw in puddles of vomit.
tom @ 50:
Get real, Iraqi's don't have electricity. What do they need with light bulbs? Besides the good Iraqi's, the dead ones, can't screw anyway.
First the guy in charge of republican bulb changing will appoint a new "Bulb-czar". He will apropriate a defense contract through the VP's office to have "IBC (International Bulb Consultants, a division of Halliburton)" change the bulb for 36.2 billion dollars. The contractors will of course be protected in "the dark zone" by a squadron of Blackwater troops wearing night vision goggles that cost $500,000 per pair and will be thrown away after use so that the Carlyle group can sell them replacements for their next mission. FOX news will ask why the "defeat-0-crat bulb" gave up on its mission. Why don't these liberal bulbs support the troops? Why do they hate the freedom?
medlakeguy @ 14:
How about those "right to life" commercials? A lot of those are turning up as well.
oldgirl63 @ 138:
Remember: The Networks and cable companies do not run advocacy commercials.
curtilingus @ 139:
I figured out a way to rise above television commercials and the damage they can cause; i stopped watching tv.
Change the light bulb? What are you, some kind of cut and run traitor? We're going to stay the course.
how many repugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?hmmmmmmmm? that's a very good question.?......well lets see....2 to go get the ladder,2 more to hold the ladder,1 to go up the ladder,and 2 more to help lift the ladder and turn it....+ 1 more to go up the ladder and help the first one down.
I still put in about 2 to 4 TV hours a week. No cable. CSI and family guy are enough, but lately I've been skipping those. Doesn't matter though. The commercials seem to be finding us on the internet.
When I was reading C&L comments on the racial incident with a noose down south, there was an Amazon ad on the screen selling a gold plated noose pendant.
mudshark @ 142:
Now take their clothes off and you have Republican twister!
tom @ 50:
best of thread award...........well said.
um...probably heard this one...
how many Kennedys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
answer: 2. One to hold the lightbulb and the other to drink until the room spins.
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