Abuse Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry?

As I type these words, Roy Moore hasn’t come clean. He’s still in his bubble of supporters with his blinders on. “I can’t see you,” he mutters to himself as his wife frantically runs around pushing back on all those stories threatening to burst in. After all, if he falls, she does as well. She’s a “stand by your man” kind of gal who will even go so far as to threaten his victims with legal action. Will he come out with it or hang tough remains to be seen. At the moment, he’s happy to drag his family and supporters along with him in some sort of last ditch effort to abuse their trust. Abusers be abusing, I suppose.

Should he break, I imagine him in his little Howdy Doody cowboy hat and vest standing behind a podium doing his best rendition of ye olde Jimmy Swaggart’s “I have sinned!” type of apology. He’ll start out slow and pause for effect as he touches his eyes to wipe the faux tears with his pepper tainted fingers. Perhaps his lord will forgive him. I sure as shit know his followers will. They can forgive a man of pedophilia but don’t talk to them about Hillary’s emails for Christ’s sake.

Is it really a surprise to anyone that week after week, women and even some men are coming forward with these horrible stories of sexual harassment and rape? If you are surprised, then you have been living in that same denial bubble with Moore with your hands covering your ears yelling “La la la,” or you are in a coma. There’s not a woman alive who has not had to deal with sexual harassment or abuse in some form. And when we’re not around, it’s not uncommon for the weakest male to become the victim. If you think Americans are uncomfortable talking about sexual aggression towards women, then you know they would rather have their ears sewn shut than listen to male victims.

These apologies don’t mean a whole hell of a lot to the survivors. None of these men have bothered to apologize to their victims until they are caught. When is the last time you saw a perpetrator come forward before his victims do? Never. If they were actually remorseful and full of guilt, maybe they would call or write to their victims and apologize.


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Let me explain something to you Louis C.K. style apologizing perverts, the press isn’t your victim. When you issue an apology through the press, you are apologizing to your fans, your followers and not your victims. You're apologizing to your career and to all those that helped you along the way. Your regret is that you got caught and not that you jerked off in front of a reporter or coworker. You haven’t learned a damn thing. You’re still trying to manipulate, only you’re now having to do it to everyone and not just your victims. And for what it’s worth Louis C.K., talking about your “dick” in your apology is just another way for you to sexually abuse people and give your victims the finger. I’m sure you got off writing in detail of how you would show women your “dick” and then masturbate in front of them. Now that you're busted, you might as well relive your past crimes, right?

Whether it comes from family members, friends, coworkers or strangers, the feelings are the same. Victims are left ashamed and terrified to the point of silence in many, many cases. We remain silent to get along, to keep our families, to earn a living and sometimes to stay alive.

The tables have turned on these predators and it’s about time. It’s just now occurring to them that they don’t hold all the cards any more. We women are not afraid to speak out, and we’re going to teach our children to do it as well. Speaking out is taking control. Speaking out has taken the power from these predators. The shame and guilt they have instilled in their victims is now theirs to bear.

Roy Moore and his ilk don’t have the right to say when or how their victims should come forward. Any person who is thinking of sexually harassing or assaulting someone should be aware that it may not come out today, tomorrow or even next week. But it will come out some day, and it is up to the victim to decide when, not you. Perhaps you are the high school coach or the manager at a fast food restaurant. You may be enjoying your college swimming career and thinking of the Olympics. Maybe you are contemplating that new HBO special or a starring role in a movie. Maybe you would like to be a senator or even president of the United States.

Whatever your goals are in life, if you have sexually harassed or assaulted someone, just remember, it’s our decision when we speak. When we do, believe us.

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