This may be bad news for some people, but those people are MONSTERS. Tell me you're not relieved. Who does not prefer a lovely bar of milk chocolate to that insultingly bitter version? Via CBS News:

Long viewed as healthier than other sweet treats, some kinds of dark chocolate contain potentially dangerous amounts of heavy metals, according to research released on Thursday by Consumer Reports.

Scientists at the nonprofit advocacy organization recently measured the amount of heavy metals in 28 popular brands of dark chocolate bars and found cadmium and lead in all of them. For 23 of the bars, consuming just an ounce a day would put an adult over a level for at least one of the metals that could be harmful, CR said. Five of the bars were above those levels for both cadmium and lead.

Long-term exposure to even small amounts of heavy metals can lead to a slew of health issues, including developmental problems and brain development in young children, experts say.

"But there are risks for people of any age," Tunde Akinleye, the CR food safety researcher who led the testing, said in a statement. Frequent exposure to lead in adults can lead to nervous system problems, hypertension, immune system suppression, kidney damage and reproductive issues, he noted.

If you simply must, here are the safer brands, Consumer Reports says:

Mast Organic Dark Chocolate 80% Cocoa. CR found an ounce contained 14% less lead and 40% less cadmium than California's allowable limits.

Taza Chocolate Organic Deliciously Dark Chocolate 70% Cacao held 33% less lead and 74% less cadmium.

Ghirardelli Intense Dark Chocolate 86% Cacao contained 36% less lead and 39% less cadmium.

Ghirardelli Intense Dark Chocolate Twilight Delight. Lead contained was 61% below the allowable level and cadmium 96% beneath its allowable limit.

Valrhona Abinao Dark Chocolate 85% Cacao. Lead 63% and cadmium 73% below.