For decades, scientists and nativity theoreticians have speculated as to what a Tom Waits Christmas might look and sound like. Was such a thing even possible? Would Waits’ irresistibly pulverizing junky balladeer forcehood and Christmas’ immovably cheery object-ness mutually annihilate each other? Would putting the two together be the Ultimate Existential Bad Touch? Destroying the world in a blinding flash of Yuletide carol/anticarol?

Well speculate no more. Definitively answering one of the last great remaining holiday-based scientific mysteries, the inimitable Mr. Waits’ offers up this Christmas Twofer: "Silent Night" and "Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis".