The Strain Season 1 Episode 9, “The Disappeared”

Major events:

Diane was not drinking her customary glass of chardonnay in the opening scene. I know she is driving with children passengers, but how she doesn’t have a strong case of the apocalyptic fuck-its I can’t comprehend. Eph and Nora certainly do! Because they get it on, right on Kelly’s bed. Nora makes all kinds of pained, I hate myself for loving you I’m so overcome faces, and Eph makes all sorts of impassioned noises and we’re all quite carried away with that moment, aren’t we.

Speaking of dumb Kelly! She can’t be found. She is nowhere. Eph and the strangely verbal son care very much about this but does anyone else? I’m assuming the title of the episode has to do with Kelly’s absence, but I have to say I’m not feeling it all that keenly. Diane seems to miss her, although I think that has more to do with lack of chardonnay. Eph makes declarations like “I love my wife” directly after humping someone else, which is confusing. Hmm.

What else happens?

-Eph catches Matt trying to barf a face worm at his son and beheads him with a garden shovel. Eph and Nora burn Matt’s body while eulogizing Jim. Right then, bye Matt.

-Nora gets to say, “I can’t teach you how to be a human being. Eat your bologna,” to Fet after Fet tries to justify shooting Jim. Fet and Setrakian form a two-man alliance of unsentimental bastards with superior knowledge of New York buildings (knew that degree would come in handy, Fet!) and vampire killing (can we please at last hear about why you have a worm infested heart in a jar, Setrakian?)

-Setrakian goes back to Poland in 1944, where the Nazis force him and his compatriots to dig their own mass grave, the Master breaks his hands but doesn’t kill him, and he escapes the camp JUST AS HE’S ABOUT TO BE SHOT. Eichorst, forsaken, wanders through the snowy forest until he stumbles into a Sting video where the Master finally gives him one, single, squirming, worm and turns him into the “plastic faced freak” we now know.

-Dutch (we last knew her as Hacker Babe) fesses up to shutting down the Internet. At her apartment, her “more than a friend/roommate” who ditched her in the mini-mart has robbed her blind. Can she fix the Internet? Oh can she, can she? Basically, yes. Great, hop to it.

-In jail, Felix is crusting his orange suit with vomit. On the way to Riker’s, he turns. Without hesitating, Gus shoots him in the head. Here’s an example of how to properly dispatch of the infected: someone they love should shoot them in the head. We understand now, Nora. We actually all learned this during the first season of the Walking Dead when Andrea’s sister turned.

-Nora’s mom is left at the Knickerbocker to make soup for everyone. She’s not happy about it.