The Republican Presidential candidates want new debate rules.

I can understand why. The current rules involve “questions”. And people expect “answers”. How is that supposed to work? That can’t work and surely doesn’t show Republicans in their best light.

Ben Carson wants no debating, just speeches. I might could go for that since Carson recently said, “Medicare is costing 45 hundred billion dollars.” Pocket calculators the world over exploded.

So, maybe new rules are in order.

Some suggestions:

1. No questions that involve math. Math is hard and rarely necessary to be President.

2. No questions about anything the candidates have ever said or done in the past. All slates are wiped clean at the start of each debate.

3. Questions will be asked by fourth graders.

4. Questions about decorating the oval office will be allowed and, in fact, are encouraged.

5. Each candidate will be allowed three phone-a-friend options. If a candidate doesn’t have three friends, they are allowed to call the Library of Congress.

6. There will be musical interludes to allow candidates to collect their thoughts.

7. All questions will be in the form of an answer. Candidates will then reply with a question of their choice.

8. Questioners will no longer be allowed to snicker when they say the explanation point after Jeb!

9. “What the hell are you talking about?” shall be considered a final answer.

10. All candidates will be given points on their hair styles.