Since both David Brooks --

David Brooks is off today,

-- and Charlie Pierce --

Charlie is taking a well-deserved break this week.

-- decided to head off for vacations (the conspiracy deepens) at the exactly same time Ivanka Trump and Putin's new gal pal decided to make the Zagreb nightclub scene together you're stuck with me for awhile.

And while you are probably sensible enough to stick to actual, y'know, news and stay the hell away from Conservative sludgebucket media, you should be aware that, for the next week or two, ALL CAPS emails from your own Crazy Uncle Liberty will be bulked up with this stuff:from all the usual places:

Fox News: House Republicans detail perjury allegations against Clinton

NewsMax: House Republicans Say Hillary Lied, Make Case for Perjury Charge

Washington Examiner: House Republicans push DOJ on Clinton perjury probe

Washington Times: House GOP lays out case for Hillary Clinton perjury over emails

Charisma News: House Republicans Accuse Hillary Clinton of Perjury

Breitbart News: House Committee Chairmen Lay Out Case For Perjury Against Hillary

Washington Free Beacon: Leading Republicans Lay Out Case for Perjury Against Clinton

The Blaze: Did Clinton Perjure Herself Before Congress? House Judiciary, Oversight Chairmen Think So

Townhall: Did Hillary Commit Perjury By Lying to The FBI? Or to Congress?

This is happening because a grease-stain named Jason Chaffetz is running slightly behind in the “2016 Baseless Witch-hunt Hurdle and Long-Jump competition” and thinks he is making a genius strategic Shaunae Miller finish line dive in order to nail down the gold medal, when in reality is actually doing this kinda thing here yet again:

Suicide dive. pic.twitter.com/jux05klJgC — enuhito(English) (@enuhito_eng) August 15, 2016

This is also happening because at this point the only prayer the Pig People have of getting Don the Con into the White House, is to exploit some large number of imaginary Conservatives who have been in a persistent vegetative state since Barack Obama won, but who can be zapped out of their electoral comas by a massive dose of 1990s impeachment nostalgia, administered by the Conservative Media Conspiracy to bind together the word "Hillary" to the word "Perjury" forever and ever, amen.

It is, indeed, 1989 all over again:

And anyone who has been following politics for longer than the last five minutes knows that this shite will never end until the Republican Party is on the ash heap of history and its rage-drunk meathead base is driven back into the political sewer.

Crossposted from Driftglass