Pres.-elect Donald Fcking Trump on Wednesday continued to make good on his commitment to turn Republicans into the soft-on-crime party, with his decision to appoint a mob lawyer to a top organized-crime-enforcement position.

Just a day earlier, before the new Congress even convened, Trump voiced no objection to Republicans weakening their own ethics rules, other than to question the timing. Republicans had specifically rewritten the rules, a Trump spokeswoman said, in order to prevent “due process rights being violated and compromised,” a long-standing priority of the ACLU and other communists.
A couple days prior, on New Year’s Eve, Trump partied with convicted felon Joseph “Joey No Socks” Cinque at Mar-a-Lago, in an attempt to humanize the sockless. Trump is known to have a soft spot for the criminal element, as he himself has paid millions of dollars over his career for breaking various laws.

Then on Wednesday Trump said he will nominate Walter “Jay” Clayton—a/k/a Walter “Wally Silk Socks” Clayton, Jay “The Not Enforcer” Clayton, and Mr. Walter “Mergers, Acquisitions, Capital Markets Offerings, and Initial Public Offerings” Clayton, Esq.—to head the Securities and Exchange Commission. Clayton is considered an expert on the SEC, having accepted millions of dollars in payments to help his many clients evade it.

As head of the agency overseeing U.S. stock markets, Clayton will have diverse responsibilities, including pass-giving, blind eye-turning, other way-looking, and regulatory don’t-let-it-happen-againery. Clayton’s expertise includes a widely cited 2011 paper he co-authored, arguing that the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act is “flawed,” unlike, for instance, the nation’s perfect drug laws.

The resulting inference that Clayton is anti-regulation was widely drawn by various media outlets including the top of this article. However, since The Fcking News has now actually TOTALLY (partially) read the fcking thing, a more nuanced interpretation emerges. In fact, Clayton argues against asymmetry in international enforcement, suggesting that this could be fixed by other nations ramping up enforcement.

And while this sounds like an argument on behalf of American companies vs. European companies, the beginning of Clayton’s paper—before all the important shit we skipped—specifies exactly which kinds of companies bear the burden for this regulatory asymmetry: “…mostly U.S. companies and large, mature European companies…” In other words, big companies are disadvantaged by the anti-corruption rules…in their attempts to snuff out smaller companies.

That approach is consistent with the historical modus operandi of his crime family. Clayton is a made partner in the organized crime family Sullivan and Cromwell, which represents, just to give an example, large, mature European companies. In fact, Sullivan and Cromwell’s criminal associations date back to before Clayton was born. Consigliere to America’s 19th century robber-barons, the firm helped pioneer the concept of “holding companies,” in order to circumvent anti-trust laws and monopolize markets by snuffing out smaller companies.

Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) yesterday said, “”It’s hard to see how an attorney who’s spent his career helping Wall Street beat the rap will keep President-elect Trump’s promise to stop big banks and hedge funds from ‘getting away with murder,’” Well, now we know: The way Wall Street gets away with murder is by rewriting murder laws to improve “due process” and “asymmetrical” enforcement.

#TheMoreYouKnow!