Xristian Xrazie sex scold and noted boycott queen Linda Harvey pushed her snout out of her mud hut and it smelled like Spring. Little shoots of green were peaking out of the soil, the birds were chirping, and Linda sensed that soon, rutting season would begin. Linds sighed deeply, and glanced at her WaterPik.

And that’s when she decided the nexus of the ‘mos and the ‘hos are to blame for Gawd’s wrath upon us. Or something. You see, the ‘mos can’t have bebes and the ‘hos are ‘bortin’ bebes, so they must be in league! The Ultimate in Conspiracies, amiright?

Actually, I’m not sure what her point really is, but that’s never stopped her from speechifying about the horror of people getting their freak-on, while she sits in her hut, fuming, and swearing to her ancestors that no one will ever accuse her of licentiousness. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, as she opens her folders of sexual anarchists and reaches for the WaterPik, kicks the diesel engine on and takes aim.

You know, Linda, a little less of the Old Testament and a little more of that dirty hippy Jeebus and the Beatitudes would do you a world of good. Or knowing that your New Testament has (probably) never been cracked open (um, so to speak?), how about you read the Song of Songs? You know, the really dirty love poem in the front of the book?

Linda, the ineffability of the Almighty is beyond your grasp (and certainly beyond your reach, and apologies to the poet Browning), but shouldn’t you consider that all of us, with all our faults and many charms are part of His Ineffable Plan? How can you say that humanity is created in His Image if you refuse a large chunk of humanity?

crossposted from Mock Paper Scissors under "News That Will Drive You To Drink"