Rudy Giuliani appeared this morning on Fox & Friends, where he breathlessly expounded on the imaginary Ukraine conspiracies.

“All of a sudden Biden has announced the most important guy in Ukraine, he is going to give out the money, then he hires Biden’s son,” Giuliani said.

“Do you know what happened in between? He made a deal with Biden, you be on board against (former Ukraine president) Poroshenko taking my company, when they move to take the company. That’s when Biden came in and had the prosecutor fired, and within four months, the crooked oligarch sitting with $5 billion comes back to the Ukraine, he is not prosecuted. He's sitting there fat and happy with his company.”

(I probably don't have to tell you this didn't happen, but there's more.)

“Then we have got another bribe. You don’t think the president of the Ukraine shared in that $5 billion that the crook kept?” Steve Doocy said

“The bribe to the president of the Ukraine, the amount of money I can’t be absolutely sure of. Let’s say well in excess of $10 million,” Rudy said. (Because as long as you're making things up, why not pull a number out of your ass?)

Doocy kept trying to interrupt.

“That shouldn’t be revealed? From a lawyer who finds out about this?" Rudy said.

"Am I going to cover it up the way the Democrats and media cover it up? Absolutely not. I prosecuted too many corruption cases to sit by and watch my country sold out by a vice president who did it two other times, at least, in China.”

(Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. We're very sorry the drinking has apparently rotted your brain, but you don't get to do this -- at least, not on a credible media outlet.)

“You don’t think if these things were said about Donald Trump and Donald Trump Jr. they wouldn’t be under investigation immediately? Instead of putting them under investigation, they are coming after me. They want to kill me.”