STEPHEN COLBERT: According to a source, Trump has been telling people that “He wanted a high profile legal team that can perform on television,” and “Trump loves having people who are on television working for him.” “Get me Matlock, Perry Mason, Law and Order, Dharma and Greg.” Team Trump includes Harvard law professor and man who just googled “Alan Dershowitz underwear,” Alan Dershowitz, who famously defended O.J. Simpson and Jeffrey Epstein. “Get me Dershowitz, I’m exactly as innocent as Epstein and O.J. Jared, just in case, gas up the bronco."

COLBERT: Mitch has been hush-hush about the rules of engagement, but it doesn’t seem like he’s confident Trump is innocent, because reportedly, Mcconnell is preparing a resolution that would leave room for President Trump’s lawyers to move immediately to dismiss the impeachment charges, in what’s being called “A break-glass option.”

“Break-glass.” A sure sign that everything’s a-okay. That’s why public buildings have — That’s why public buildings have axes on the wall with signs that say break glass in case everything’s hunky dory.