BREAKING NEWS! You heard it here first! It's been reported that in recent weeks, President Joe Biden has started using a CPAP machine at night to help with sleep apnea. Wow, that never happens -- except for the approximately 30 million people in the US who have sleep apnea and the 8 million that use CPAP machines.

Texas Rep. Ronny Jackson, the former White House doctor who said former President Donald Trump could live to be 200 years old, is freaking out about Biden using the CPAP machine. Sure, the doctor assigned the nickname 'The Candyman' for allegedly handing out prescription drugs all willy-nilly wants to know, "WHAT ELSE ARE THEY HIDING?"

Calm your tits, Drunky McDrunkFace:

Twitter users weighed in:

Dr. Giggity was called out by the Department of Defense's inspector general for making "sexual and denigrating" comments about a female subordinate. Texas voted for trash, and that garbage human being doesn't get to feign some ethical code he lives by because President Biden snores.

My ex used a CPAC machine; the only weird thing about that was nothing -- only my questionable choice of men.