When the House Republicans aren't busy pursuing bullshit impeachments and tax breaks for their wealthiest campaign donors, they are addressing important issues facing our nation. Things like what kind of milk would Santa Claus drink if he really existed.

The Republicans have been pushing for a bill that would allow different types of milk, like 2%, whole and chocolate milk to school lunch menus. In this effort, they are getting a little loopy. A few days ago, Representative Virginia Foxx told a whimsical story about why Santa Claus should be drinking whole milk to give him strength to make his rounds on Christmas Eve. She was dutifully mocked for it by almost everyone. However, no one had mentioned - that I saw - how that whole milk and cookies will make his belly even bigger so that he couldn't even make it down a chimney, or how his growing lactose intolerance is really causing problems with both the smell and how he must really avoid lit fire places.

But as crazy as old Virgina may have been, she has nothing on Wisconsin's own Glenn Grothman, who went as far as saying it was God's will that we drink whole milk:

Grothman goes on how whole milk is supposedly tastier and better for a body. But given Grothman's girth, is he really the best choice to push fatty milk.

But if someone really wanted to put them in a state of serious cognitive dissonance, just inform them that in some parts of the world, most notably in Canada, whole milk is called homogenized milk or homo milk for short. Then, since we are talking about Republicans here, you can lead them down the path of logic that if they whole milk is really woke milk by a different name.

They won't know which way to mooooo-ve.