next President of the United States, only to have his hopes dashed by Mittens. After realizing he was going to have to live with Ryan only having the second spot on the ticket, Colbert went on to talk about how jazzed everyone's going to be with their plans to lower Romney's tax rate to 0.82 percent, gutting all non-defense spending, turning Medicare into a voucher program and ending Social Security.

Colbert also took a shot at Romney for having his son break the news to Portman and Pawlenty that they weren't going to be his running mate. Which as he noted was better than how he treated Chris Christie, who (according to Colbert) got the news from Rafalca the Romney's dressage horse, or Bobby Jindal, who Stephen claimed got the news from watching this very show.