The Daily Show's Jon Stewart takes his viewers through our self-inflicted wound called the sequester which he believes he's finally found the perfect metaphor for -- auto-erotic asphyxiation:

STEWART: Because Congress did rig it up and if they had pulled off the compromise, I guess it would have felt amazing to them, but as usual, they did it wrong and yet somehow, we're the ones blacking out while they're all still jerking off.

Stewart wasn't much kinder to the media for obsessing over President Obama's Star Wars/Star Trek gaffe and completely ignoring that House Speaker John Boehner called taxation "theft."