And finally, New Rule: Stop saying Republicans are waging a war on women. It's not women they hate, it's women having sex that doesn't end with a baby popping out. Sex in their mind is for procreation, not recreation. The same way the G-spot is seen as just another liberal hoax that needs more study. [...]

All right, I bring this up because, besides the heroic Wendy Davis, there were two stories in the news last week dealing with teenage sex. And just to be safe, the Vatican issued a denial. (audience groans) Yeah, you'll get over it.

One story was about Plan B. That's the morning after pill that the FDA says is safer than Motrin, and which any American can now buy over the counter, just like milk and ammo. And because it's a birth control pill, it will prevent abortions.

Now the other story was about the vaccine for HPV, which is the STD that leads to cervical cancer, and how that vaccine, since its introduction in 2006, has reduced teenage infections by 56%.

All good news, right? Wrong! No, over in Family Values World, things like Plan B and the HPV vaccine are bad, because they remove God's natural intended punishments for sluts who put out. It's true.

A) being saddled with a baby you don't want, or
B) stricken with a horrible disease.

You don't think that's how these people think? Then tell me why conservatives always couch their objections to the HPV vaccine in "parental rights", but never complain about other state-mandated vaccines their kids have to get. Read on...