Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, put a wall to the right of Joe Barton. You can slam head first into that wall but you are not getting through, because beyond that wall lies the Kraken.

Joe Barton is the Texas congressvarmint who apologized to BP for our sand getting into their oil. He is also the guy who stopped research into into autism because he feared it would show that pollution was the cause. No, seriously. He is that freakin’ evil.

They call him Smokin’ Joe because he loves pollution. He makes the Tea Party look like a bunch of liberals at a Karl Marx birthday celebration.

Okay, remember the group of wee winkie guys who protested the four women meeting for sensible gun control? Well, the agent agent provocateur of that group, Kory Watkins, has announced that he is going to run against Joe Barton in the GOP primary because Barton is not conservative enough.

Summon the Kraken.

If you feel the need to carry a gun bigger than your arm to the grocery store, that’s a psychological problem, not a self-defense one. Plus, I hate people who prance around the grocery store pushing their cart with one arm because nine times out of ten, the cart wheels aren’t on straight and they crash their wiggling cart into me.

Think of the logistics of this. Where the hell is that rifle pointing when he kneels down to put the milk in the bottom half of the cart? It’s either pointed at the person in front or behind him, and frankly, I’d prefer to be neither place. Ever. Even when he’s not armed. This guy has creepy eyes.

And then I have another problem with this guy. He’s claiming to be a freedom-fighting Uhmerkun, and plenipotentiary of the Second Amendment but when he puts on his fanciest clothes and poses, look what he’s carrying. A Russian-made weapon.

What? He couldn’t find a spare Iranian nuclear weapon to carry around?

The mere fact that a guy with this much of an inferiority complex is walking the street concerns me. And by concerned, I mean “makes me snicker.”

I’ll keep y’all updated on this race because I ain’t missin’ one minute of it. There’s gonna be weird stuff happening.