Leading up to Tuesday's primary election in Wisconsin, three candidates were vying for the chance to be the one who would oust Rep. Drunken Van Orden (R-Corner Tavern) in November. That contest was won by Rebecca Cooke.

In response, DVO issued a press release that was laden with spelling errors and factual errors:

Throughout the entire release, he either misspelled Cooke's name as Crooke or Cook. Even through several mentions, he never spelled it correctly.

The accusation that Cooke used Madison as her own piggybank makes no sense whatsoever. That kind of insult is usually used for people in political office, but Cooke has never held office before.

The real spit take passage was when DVO claimed that he would "bring prosperity, security, and integrity" to Washington, D.C. I wonder how an insurrectionist who loves to go on drunkrages on teenagers and runs away from Washington every time there is a tough decision to make would be able to do all that stuff he promises.

Perhaps the real question is whether he issued that press release because he is that much of an asshole, he was drunk or he is so scared shitless that he is starting to panic, or any combination of the three.