Danny Federici Melanoma Fund... RIP Mom
The Federici family and the E Street family have requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Danny Federici Melanoma Fund. The fund's website is now up and running, where it is described as "dedicated to the research and development of new and effective treatments for melanoma through funding for additional clinical trials based upon Danny's melanoma treatments and other methods headed by Dr. Paul Chapman [at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center]. Our other objective is to raise awareness for this aggressive disease."
I met Danny before he got back together with Springsteen's band in the 90's and he was a very kind and gentle man who really loved his music and his family.
Today is the anniversary of my mom's passing away. She suffered with Diabetes (a terrible disease) for many, many years which left her legally blind for a while and in April of 2003---she was diagnosed with a form of bone cancer that quickly spread throughout her body.
I was fortunate enough to talk with her on the phone for a few minutes the day before she died and I was able to tell her how much I loved her. She was barely lucid yet somehow knew I was on the phone. "I can hear you, Johnny. I'm not in pain," she said. " I'm proud of you." " I love you mom," was all I could say. "Johnny, I have to go," and then she drifted off.
She was like many Italian moms in New York, marrying a guy named Rocky and raising two kids in the early fifties. She valued family above all, was semi-religious and was one of the many working class moms that handled the checkbook and worked a second job whenever possible to help make ends meet.
She had an inner strength about her that I never really understood or appreciated until I started to have my own physical problems and made the rounds through our health care system. She had to take insulin twice a day just to stay alive and endured many experimental eye surgery's in Manhattan and Johns Hopkins in the early eighties just to try and stave off blindness---which in the end was the one thing that scared her the most. But she always fought through it and lived many years beyond the conventional medical predictions.
She died comfortably with my sister and father (they were married for over 50 years) at her side as I traveled to Florida to see her. I don't usually write these type of posts, but I just wanted to say, "I miss you, Mom."
03/12/1930--04/23/2004
Josephine Amato RIP
That's a lovely remembrance, John. I know she would be extremely proud of you. xo
that is put across excellently-- thanks for sharing--
John,
I know your Mom would be very proud at what you've accomplished. Thank you for sharing this ... may God always comfort you.
don
as a mama....I can say this ....that was so beautiful...she would indeed be so proud of you....behind every great man there is a mama....namaste..
That's some of your best writing John.
I lost my mom 2 years ago from a unique Lou Gherig's type disease. I know how it feels bro. The tears still come, but now I think about the good times more than anything.
And I am from NJ and live in LA now, so we are kinda neighbors.
My father died of complications from diabetes. It took his leg first, then everything else started to go. A horrible disease. I seem to remember the date he died effortlessly, but have to think about his birthday. It was sad at first, but as time went on, the anniversary of his death just became another occasion to think of him, and it didn't hurt so much. Blessings to you and your family John.
I miss my mom, too.
So nice how you to so lovingly remember your mom, John. I'm missing my Italian mom, too.
Lovely.
Isn't it strange the way that people are still so strongly part of us even after 'the physical phase' of their lives have ended?
She sounds like a person who really enjoyed raising her kids. You've done her proud; seeing what you've done with this website, her energy is still present in this world in a very good way.
Namaste.
John, my heart goes out to you, I lost my Mother some years ago but since she went in her sleep I never got to tell her the things I wanted to. Peace be with you.
I truly feel your pain.
My son was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes when he was 12 years old. He believed firmly that his doctors at the Children's Hospital would cure him "within a few years."
He believed in science, God and his doctors.
After a while he started to watch and understand the news, and understand that one of the possible routes for science to find a cure was a little thing called "stem cell research."
He also understood, in his simple, straightforward child-like way, that our glorious president and the powers that rule this nation were so superstitious and anti-science that they were never going to allow any government funding to help people like him.
He turned his back on God, studied Marxism, and became a dyed in the wool atheist, and a radical with no respect for anything remotely smelling like a Republican.
After the Democrats won the house and Senate he thought things might change, but as we all saw, NOTHING happened, and he lost all respect for them as well. Now I have an 18 1/2 year old Diabetic radical on my hands that firmly believes that the only way to get real change in this nation is through violent revolution.
I have to say, I am starting to believe he is right.
That was such a nice tribute. Condolences and kind thoughts to you and your family, John.
My Mom died 12 years ago of a terrible, lingering neurological disease. It was a death I wouldn't wish on anyone in this world. I think of her often. There are so many things I'd like to ask her that I didn't think to ask while she was alive.
Thanks for sharing. This makes me wanna hug my mama who's still alive. Love is everything.
Peace, bro.
Thanks, I never wrote about her before. She didn't like being in pictures so I have to get some scans done...
You're a good man, John. Your momma did a fine job. Good people usually do.
Thank you for sharing that, John. My mom has diabetes, too, and other illnesses, and I hope when her time comes it's peaceful and pain-free. She takes it all like a trooper.
Thanks John.
I lost my mom 19 years ago. She died slowly from breast cancer. I was just a teenager so I didn't really latch on to what was going on. I wish I told her I loved her.
Whenever I think of her, her big, bright smile pops into my head. That's enough to make me feel really proud that she was my mom.
I lost my dad in 2000 to pancreatic cancer. Another horrible death, but quicker. I told him I loved him and was there for his last breath. As sad as it was, it was truly a magical moment.
Believing in a higher power or not is not required to realize that someone is still with us after they die.
I was lucky that I was able to have a good relationship with them. We all have family difficulties and disagreements, but it was important to me to be "right" with them. I wanted to make sure no words were left unsaid....
I strongly desire a world where we can all can choose to live in abundance, free of diseases and involuntary death. Maybe this research will move us closer to this. Thanks for this caring post.
Wonderful words, John...like I've learned in the Program, it's a gift to be able to leave "no words unsaid..."
John- thanks for sharing. Lost my mom close to 20 years ago. Truly the wings beneath not only my but my other siblings wings. I too got the chance to tell her I love(d) her. What is it about moms? I know what it is...truly unconditional love.
John, that was a beautiful piece. I'm glad you were able to tell your mother you loved her at the end. Nothing makes it easy to let go of the people we love, but if we can do that one thing, it helps. Sort of.
My father is 81 now and will probably come out for a week in the summer. Now he is a character.
The advice columnist and political writer/reporter Dan Savage just lost his Mom, too. He wrote about her here.
My heart goes out to you.
Great tribute, John. It's funny, but I've heard it said that four years later is when someone's death really hits you in a way that has nothing to do with grief, and that the real grief hits four months after the death when everyone thinks you're all right, but you're not.
John, From another Italian (50%), I'm glad you posted this story. I had a similar experience with my mom, except I am an only child. The shit I went through with my mom and the health "care" system! She too was a survivor. It's amazing how much experience teaches a person. Peace, Frank
John--
Good to hear good things about others good parents.
My dad passed about four years ago, and his birthday is 25April. I have very few things of or photos of him (I lost a storage unit two years ago with most of my family photos.) Today, while searching for my birth certificate (to show at a physical exam tomorrow), I stumbled across the only pic I had of my entire family together that I can recall. I had thought it was long gone.
Thanks for reminding us of the importance of family.
bless you john.
i lost my mom way too early -only 46.
got to make total peace w/ her before she passed away; last time i saw her was mother's day.
I lost both parents. But the good memories still live on.
Hi John:
That was a very poignant and heartfelt remembrance. My Italian mom (from Calabria, practically neighbors) died of CHF in 2005. She was the most unselfish, giving person in the world--she was happiest when she was serving others, whether it was cooking a meal for us kids, serving drinks and cookies to the repairman fixing the stove, or helping a friend with household chores. She was the prototype Italian "matriarch"--my dad is very sad and feels utterly lost without her. I'm sure your mom was in the same mold, so I understand how you feel. I hope your pain diminishes with time, but it never goes completely away. . .peace --Phil
I don't many pictures of her. She didn't like to be in photos, but I do have her wedding pics from 1950. I'm going to try and have them scanned...And I used to joke with her, my sister and my grand mother that I made better meat balls. Oh boy, was that a hoot...
Sorry to hear that, John. I lost my dad about a year ago, and his birthday's coming up soon. Diabetes is a really terrible disease, and I really hope progress is made in treating it and curing it, because some forms just don't respond to the current options. Thanks for the remembrance. Peace.
Thanks for the link. I will contribute. Melanoma killed my brother at the age of 44. Nasty, horrible way to go. Our family saw this up close over the course of many years. The pattern was strikingly similar to John McCain's several recurrences and surgeries over a period of 10 plus years. Yet--no release of medical records, no discussion of his cancer--it's done, over. Well, that's not how melanoma works.
His deception and denial is preventing a real national conversation about this disease. Check your moles people.
Auw John, Your post made me cry. *gives you a big hug* Your mom will always love you no matter what, you're so lucky you got to tell her you loved her before she died. My g-ma died 3 years back and I feel sad because I was a bit snappish to her the day prior to her death :( She knows I love her though cause I told her as much maybe a week before she died. Just point blank, I love you g-ma, I hope you stay around forever.
*gives you another hug*
Beautiful tribute to an obviousely lovely woman and proud mother.
I lost my neighbor to melanoma last month, she was 38 and died within a month of her diagnosis, it was cruel.
As a diabetic, I don't believe diabetes is a "terrible" disease. It is not a walk in the park, but it is manageable. And not any sort of death sentence or life impairing condition.
Thanks for sharing your mom's story, John.
John, my mom died of colon cancer on April 5. My dad passed in 2000 from lung cancer. I miss both of them horribly, and especially with my mom, I have to remind myself every day that I can't pick up the phone for our daily mid-morning phone call (during which we would discuss politics -- she was an Obama supporter like me).
My dad, who was a U.S history teacher, died a couple weeks before the 2000 election (he was a staunch Dem too). The day of the election, I was dusting off some books in his library when a black-and-white photo fell out of one of the books.
I am not making this up: it was a photo of Thomas Dewey. I showed it to my mom, who had never seen it before. Now, my dad wasn't old enough to vote in 1948, and he wouldn't have voted for Dewey in any case. But there it was.
I stayed up and watched the election returns that night until CNN called it for Bush, I had a double scotch (or two), called friends on the West Coast (I'm in Chicago) to commiserate, and went to bed.
The next morning, I went downstairs to find two newspapers on the table. The Trib, having learned their lesson with "Dewey Defeats Truman," only said something like "Too Close to Call." But the Daily Herald, the local suburban daily, announced that Bush had won "a squeaker."
My mom had left the photo of Dewey on top of the latter paper. And we kept Ole Tom (who, pace Alice Roosevelt Longworth, DID look like the groom on the wedding cake) sitting out until the Supreme Court resolved the matter for us. I don't really believe in "signs from beyond," but I like to think that if my dad had been trying to reach out to us, this is the way he would have done it. "Keep your eyes on this one, kids, because it's one for the books."
Anyway, I'm also a big Springsteen fan and was sad to hear about Mr. Federici's passing.
Enjoy every sandwich, as Mr. Zevon said.
It has been just over six years since my Mother passed and over ten years since Dad’s passing. I believe that these anniversaries are appropriate times to share our feelings and fond memories with friends and family. The great work you do with C&L is a reflection of the fine job your folks did raising you. Thanks for the loving words about your Mother and thanks for the dedication and the good deeds that you do.
John, your Mother will always be with you - right there in your heart.
I lost both my parents to colon cancer, Mom in 1988, Dad in 1998. Yes, it can happen to you.
This morning, I drank a cup of coffee from a mug that my mom bought for me when I was first married back in the early 1970s. We went to JM Fields together to buy mugs and found four for $.50 each. The one I used is the only one I have left, and it's my favorite mug. I wondered aloud to my daughter if perhaps I should put it away, since it holds a special memory. We decided I should keep it out and use it. I think Mom would like that.
Thanks for sharing all of these valuable memories. Moms and dads are gifts to us all, and all of your posts honor parents everywhere.
Andrew @ 36:
It is a manageable disease, but it also can be terribly destructive. Peace to you my friend and good fortune. It picked her apart year after year. In the last ten years of her life the ambulance drivers in her town took her to the hospital more times than when she went to the market...her sugar level would just drop out of nowhere...
Thanks everyone for the kind words.
Bro, I feel for ya. Bless you and your family. I am not even religious. All the best.
Thank you for writing exactly this type of post. We need to know that we all share similar emotions of sadness and loss when we lose someone we love. Yesterday, (the 22nd.) was the anniversary of my father's untimely death in 2001. At the time, I was pregnant with my 2nd. child, and he never knew his only granddaughter. The pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it and remember the good things.
BTW, I have an Italian mother, from northern Italy, and she does not like most "traditional" Italian pasta, although if we bug her enough she makes a fantastic lasagne!
My thoughts are with you and your family Mr. Amato.
I don't know you, but as an english guy living here, and we are not known for our emotions !!! I loved your piece. Right now everybody in the USA needs to write like this. You are the most beautiful country in the world. PLEASE do not let go of it ,,,,,,,,,,,, Thanks John. Brave piece
Dear John,
Thank you for sharing these memories. I lost my mother to cancer after she went through dialysis upon losing a kidney (another kidney had atrophied when she was younger). I donated a kidney to her in 1980, but back then, the operation was only a 50-50 procedure, and her body rejected my kidney. Three years later, she passed away from the cancer that we believe was caused by the anti-rejection drugs she took to try and make my donation successful.
I miss her every day.
I get so much moral support and courage from your web site. You risk attacks from people every day for what you post, and I admire your courage and steadfastness.
Tonight I played ice hockey and, for a moment, sat next to a guy that I barely know. For some reason, politics came up, and we both agreed that the current administration has driven this country into the ground. For a few moments there on the bench, two Americans recognized how much we'd lost in the past seven years of the Bush administration. No one on either side of us disagreed with our statements, either.
I love America. I loved my mother. But I grieve for my loss of my mother, and I grieve for the loss (for now) of my country. Can America come back from the damage caused by the Bush administration? I don't know. But I hope it can. Whether Obama or Clinton wins the nomination, I will be voting for the Democrat, and hoping beyond hope that we can turn this country around and once again become the shining beacon that many people around the world equate with AMERICA.
God Bless America. God bless your mother. God bless my mother. God bless and keep us in these dark times.
Bless you, John. I lost my mom 21 years ago. She had had a pig valve replacement for her heart years before and was supposed to follow up on it and didn't, and then she suffered a massive stroke. We weren't especially close, but I still miss her all the time.
I'm a huge Springsteen fan, and this past week has been very hard with Danny gone. People who aren't such fans probably wouldn't understand the loss we feel, but through all these years Bruce and his group have been like family to me. I haven't felt this bad since Lennon died. I'll be donating to Danny's fund today.
Again, God bless you John.
Sorry to hear John.
I lost my dad to complications from a lifelong struggle with Juvenile Diabetes so I can definitely relate.
You must have made your mother very proud, John Amato. All good thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Peace to all.
My heartfelt sympathy goes to you and your family. My mother passed away almost five years ago on June 23 from physical complications brought on by diabetes.
God speed to our beautiful mothers...
RIP Pam.
This made me cry from its tenderness and universal appeal to others suffering loss. Echoing others, thank you. I also lost my mother and wished I could have been so eloquent.
Tom
Delurking to say how much I appreciate this heartfelt and loving tribute to your mother, john. It's always good to take a break from the political onslaught, to reflect and remember the ones we have dearly loved and lost. In the Jewish tradition we put a stone on the grave, in the blogging tradition it looks like this (0), for you mom.
my thoughts and my prayers are with you John.
I'm calling my mom as we speak...
Hi John,
Thanks for the beautiful tribute to your mom. She sounds like a terrific lady and, most of all, she did a wonderful job of raising you. I'm just guessing, but I'd bet she thought raising you and your sister, and loving her children and their father, were the very best gifts she gave the world. I'd have to agree... we need more people like you in the world. I applaud her courage and her gifts.
47 bushwacked... you're brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your insight and your conversation with another hockey player with all of us. truly compassionate and beautiful.
My sincerest heartfelt sympathy for your loss.
Bless You John. It gets better with time.
Every time I think of those in my family that have went on to the other side, I think of the little song/prayer by Terry Kath and Chicago...
As time goes on, I realize, just what you mean, to me.
and Now, now that you're near, Promise your love and our moments to share and dream, of our moments together.
Color my World with hope, of Loving You.
Amen.
-Pat
I'm in the painfully slow process of losing family -- brother last year, mother slowly sinking, father just diagnosed. In-laws have problems too. Cancer and strokes and autoimmune things run rampant in the family. It's time for secure health insurance for all, money for research, and support for the inevitable sorrows of life.
And anyone who isn't there yet, cherish what you have and let them know. Despite their screw ups, they do love you. If you carry a baby, you carry love.
What a moving and beautiful tribute. What a loving son.
Beautifully said, John. God bless your mom.
-k
Andrew @ 36:
As a diabetic, you don't believe diabetes is a "terrible" disease? My mother spent 23 years losing toes, feet, legs,eyesight, etc.(life) In her case it wasn't "a walk in the park", figuratively and literally.
May your days get sunnier, John, from now on.
My dad passed away a month and half ago. He was one of the last, great, raging liberals left. A true warrior, IMO.
If McCain wins the White House, then I'm happy he didn't live to see it, because that would have killed him, I'm convinced of it.
RIP, Pop.
Thanks for all the kind words...They mean a lot...
Scott @ 64:
RIP Pop...be well...
I'm sorry to hear that you have lost your mom, John. You wrote a lovely tribute to her. I hope your memories bring you peace. Tree
Your Mom lives each time you lift sooo many spirits.
I cannot imagine there are good men whose humanity was not touched by seeing the genorosity of their mothers.
sounds like she was a quiet feminist icon. Thanx for sharing
John Amato @ 42:
I agree, John. I don't mean to imply I'm naive about what may happen. I just view it as you described, "manageable" and work to take as good care of myself as I can.
Andrew
bill w @ 63:
I just enjoy my life and try to stay positive about my diabetes. Taking insulin is like any other daily ritual for me, similar to brushing my teeth. I don't let diabetes prevent me doing anything I want to do in my life.
Pat in Michigan @ 59:
remny @ 24:
I did see Dan Savage's article about his Mom's death. It was very moving & real.
That reminds me that we lost Terry Kath way too soon, as he shot himself to death in 1978. It also has got me wondering why I hear Chicago's "Beginnings" on the radio when I am going thru a major upheaval in life. I'm just really curious about that.
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