Well, This Scared Me

Look, my two favorite things are pink feather boas and gospel music, but that does not make me qualified to run for office, you know?
Well, This Scared Me

I saw these headlines and almost fainted.

Former “Saturday Night Live” cast member Victoria Jackson wants her next act to be as a Williamson County Commissioner.

Jackson, who moved to Thompson’s Station last year, is petitioning as an independent to become a candidate for one of two District 2 commission seats, currently held by commissioners Betsy Hester and John Hancock.

Get the smelling salts, Aunt Daisy.

(1) We have a Williamson County in Texas, and (2) Victoria Jackson is Louie Gohmert Crazy. I was terrified.

We’d have to add two extra days in every week just to load up all the crazy. We’d have to call them Crazday and Loonday. That means I’d have to buy a new calendar and I’m kinda partial to my almost nakkid firemen calendar.

Well, come to find out, she’s running in Williamson County, Tennessee, which appears to be just south of Nashville.

“I think the key to saving America is normal everyday citizens getting involved because we the people are supposed to be in control, not the government,” Jackson said.

Honey, if we were to divide America into a normal everyday citizen side and a crazier than a drunk mule side, you better open a distillery or you ain’t gonna have dinner money.

And then she said —

“I think I will fit in quite easily with (the current county commission),” Jackson said. “I went to the dentist recently and there was a Bible in the lobby of the dentist office. … I love this town. My two favorite things are here – Jesus and show business.”

Look, my two favorite things are pink feather boas and gospel music, but that does not make me qualified to run for office, you know?

Jackson said she has been researching the Muslim Brotherhood, Agenda 21 and the Common Core education standards, all of which she speaks sharply against.

None of which has diddle squat to do with county commissioning.She did not know when to shuddup.


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“I have no political aspirations. I just want to help save my country. It should be about ideology, not about who has the most money.”

Honey, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that you’re making more money off Jesus than show business. Maybe you need to get a third favorite thing. I dunno. Do you like coloring books?

Jackson’s full married name, which she officially filed with the Williamson County Election Commission, is Victoria Lynn Jackson-Wessel. However, she told deputy administrator Chad Gray that she wanted her name to appear on the ballot as Victoria Jackson “because she said people thought it said weasel.”

I don’t know what to say. I really, really don’t. And if I did, I’d probably just die of mortification.

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