Well, Color Me Surprised!
December 1, 2015

Violence and misogyny go together like a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup! Via The Post and Courier:

Police and court records show that Dear has had a troubled history in the Lowcountry, including with his ex-wives.

The rape accusation is the earliest known criminal record in South Carolina.

A woman who worked at Citadel Mall reported to North Charleston police that Dear had asked her out numerous times and she always refused, saying that she was married, according to a police report.

Dear allegedly continued to call her at work and home about two to three times per day telling her that he wanted to see her.

On Nov. 29, 1992, Dear showed up at the woman’s house while she attempted to take out the trash, according to the police report.

“The suspect then allegedly put a knife to the victim’s neck and forced her back inside her residence,” the report states. “The suspect then allegedly forced the victim down into the couch, struck her in the mouth with his fist, and then sexually assaulted her.”

The woman reported to police that the sexual assault continued on the floor near a coffee table before Dear dragged her to a bedroom and continued the assault on a bed.

After Dear left her house, the woman called a friend and was taken to a hospital.

Dear’s second wife, Barbara Mescher, referred to the rape allegation in a divorce affidavit but did not mention the outcome of the case.

Men receive many subtle messages telling them that if they want a woman, they are entitled to her. If you've ever read them, men's rights boards are full of angry, self-described "nice guys" who think if they adhere to certain behaviors, women are simply not entitled to turn them down. They need sex, how dare these women refuse them?

Those messages about women's bodies extend to pregnancy. Years ago, when interviewing the director of a local domestic violence shelter, she told me violent men are actually more likely to beat a woman during pregnancy, and are more likely to concentrate on attacking her abdomen. Yet the same men are also very likely to beat a woman who aborts "his" child -- frequently, women who sought abortion because of domestic volence.

We have a lot of confused, fucked-up and dangerous ideas in this society about sex, gender roles, and expectations.

It's the holiday season, and I guarantee you we will see at least one estranged husband and father get a gun and mow down his family members. It happens every single year. It's part mental illness (because when someone's self-image is formed only in relation to their mate, and losing the mate sends them into a violent spiral, that's not normal) and part misogyny, this idea of ownership and entitlement.

And when you think you own women and are entitled to beat or possess them, well, it's not a far stretch from that perspective to gunning down people at Planned Parenthood. To save the babies, of course. Nothing to do with women who reject you and leave you, nothing at all.

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