Kevin McCarthy’s Missing Balls Win A 2023 Crookie Award

By Conover Kennard — December 25, 2023

Kevin McCarthy, the former House Speaker, who has recently announced that he won’t be up for reelection much to the delight of Democrats and Republicans – but for very different reasons– seemed to work overtime to earn himself a 2023 Bad Guy Crookie Award. How much humiliation can a guy take? And yet, he kept begging for more.

McCarthy went from tearing into Donald Trump over his “responsibility” for the Jan. 6 insurrection at the Capitol and urged Republicans to accept that Joe Biden is the next leader of the nation.

“He should have immediately denounced the mob when he saw what was unfolding,” he said. “These facts require immediate action by President Trump.”

Then Kevin made a trip to Mar-a-Lago to practically perform fellatio on the former President, who, by the way, never accepted “responsibility” for whipping his crowd of fire-breathing lunatics into a full-blown frenzy, complete with arms and chants of murdering his vice-president. And don’t tell me the group wasn’t armed. There were weapons, and Lumpy knew about that.

Kevin wanted to be the speaker.

McCarthy has always wanted to be Speaker of the House, but he is no Nancy Pelosi. Love her or hate her, she knew how to count the votes, and she was aware of who needed her attention to get shit done. McCarthy probably should have had a sit-down to get Nancy’s help. She would have done it for her country. And Trump couldn’t do a thing about it since she still has his balls in her little purse.

Well, that was fast.

After 15 votes, Kevin was finally elected Speaker of the House. His dreams came true! That was almost two years to the day that he slammed Trump for the attempted coup d’état.

Unfortunately for Kevin, it didn’t take as many rounds of votes to oust him in October of 2023.

It’s the Democrats’ fault.

Republicans raised the motion to oust McCarthy, and the party voted to vacate the seat, but McCarthy blamed the Democrats. McCarthy blamed Democrats for the dysfunction his Chaos Crew created. McCarthy learned his lesson about as well as Trump did. It was McCarthy, not Democrats, who played footsie with Rep. Sporkfoot to get the Speakership. But sure, it’s our fault.

After unleashing the chaos crew on us, McCarthy exits the stage.

McCarthy could have stuck to his guns and held Trump’s feet to the fire to do what is right for this country, but he didn’t have the balls. Liz Cheney and Mitt Romney didn’t waver, and they went on to author books that are doing well.

Marge tried to author a book to get in on that gravy train, but her core base isn’t exactly packed with bibliophiles. Her book bombed. Paul Ryan, Kevin McCarthy, and Eric Cantor’s book ‘Young Guns: A New Generation of Conservative Leaders will be the brunt of jokes for years to come. The cover alone will never be not funny.

Back to the topic, which is McCarthy being a ball-less toadeater with the personality of a human wet fart thinking he could slither out of politics without so much of a fuck you. Fuck you, Kevin. You couldn’t even take the Chaos Crew down with you for the good of the country, you morally bankrupt fuck. Just one question, Kev. How did Trump’s boot taste? And take this Bad Guy Crookie with you, loser.