The bloodbath continues in America's heartland and now word is coming in that the People's Liberation Army, the highly trained killers on the payroll of the Communist Chinese government, have crossed into the United States by tunneling through the center of the Earth and have taken over at least two ranches in the Springview, Nebraska area. I am receiving word that the owners of the ranches have evacuated without being harmed.
Founder of the San Diego Minutemen Jeff Schwilk tipped me off to this story and passes along the following information on the location. Schwilk, you may remember, was the incredibly reliable source who tipped us off the this story about our Mexlamofascist overlords starting the reconquista of the Southwestern United States. Anyway, here is what he is telling us:
I can personally vouch that this info came in late last night from a reliable police source inside the Springview PD. There is currently a standoff between the unknown size ChiCom forces and the Nebraska National Guard and local law enforcement. The Chinese have apparently been planning this tunnel for decades and now their vile plan has come to fruition. Upon entering the Heartland, the PLA began immediately setting up restaurants to convert upstanding Real Americans to their heathenistic commie ideology. Reports indicate that dozens of corn-fed Heartlanders are now gorging themselves on General Gao's chicken and delicious spring rolls! The source tells us he considers this an "act of war" and that the military is needed in the Heartland immediately!
Sensing the weakness of our Chicago thug president, America's enemies have decided that now is the time to finally bring our country to her knees! But with the help of True Patriots, we can repel these foreign invaders! All Patriot Bloggers must report with their firearms to Nebraska immediately to defend the Heartland! Or else they can, you know, just do their patriotic duty by providing us with frequent updates while drinking Mountain Dew from the safety of their own homes. Both courses of action are equally brave! TO ARMS, MY KEYBOARDING BRETHREN!!!!
UPDATE: After making a call to the Springview PD, I have since learned that the Chinese have not invaded and that the incident in question was merely the grand opening of a new Panda Express at the local shopping mall. All the same, this does nothing to refute the accuracy of my original report.