The bloodbath continues in America's heartland and now word is coming in that the People's Liberation Army, the highly trained killers on the payroll of the Communist Chinese government, have crossed into the United States by tunneling through the center of the Earth and have taken over at least two ranches in the Springview, Nebraska area. I am receiving word that the owners of the ranches have evacuated without being harmed.

Founder of the San Diego Minutemen Jeff Schwilk tipped me off to this story and passes along the following information on the location. Schwilk, you may remember, was the incredibly reliable source who tipped us off the this story about our Mexlamofascist overlords starting the reconquista of the Southwestern United States. Anyway, here is what he is telling us:

I can personally vouch that this info came in late last night from a reliable police source inside the Springview PD. There is currently a standoff between the unknown size ChiCom forces and the Nebraska National Guard and local law enforcement. The Chinese have apparently been planning this tunnel for decades and now their vile plan has come to fruition. Upon entering the Heartland, the PLA began immediately setting up restaurants to convert upstanding Real Americans to their heathenistic commie ideology. Reports indicate that dozens of corn-fed Heartlanders are now gorging themselves on General Gao's chicken and delicious spring rolls! The source tells us he considers this an "act of war" and that the military is needed in the Heartland immediately!

WE MUST ALERT THE MANY PATRIOTIC BLOGGERS WHO HAVE BEEN DOING A BANG-UP JOB COVERING THE TOTALLY ACCURATE RECONQUISTA STORY THAT WE ARE NOW BEING INVADED ON TWO FRONTS!!!

Sensing the weakness of our Chicago thug president, America's enemies have decided that now is the time to finally bring our country to her knees! But with the help of True Patriots, we can repel these foreign invaders! All Patriot Bloggers must report with their firearms to Nebraska immediately to defend the Heartland! Or else they can, you know, just do their patriotic duty by providing us with frequent updates while drinking Mountain Dew from the safety of their own homes. Both courses of action are equally brave! TO ARMS, MY KEYBOARDING BRETHREN!!!!

UPDATE: After making a call to the Springview PD, I have since learned that the Chinese have not invaded and that the incident in question was merely the grand opening of a new Panda Express at the local shopping mall. All the same, this does nothing to refute the accuracy of my original report.

Kansas Republican Kevin Yoder is running for Congress, attempting to win a seat long held by Democrat Dennis Moore. In Yoder's new campaign advertisement you see him walking around on a farm with his wife and children and chatting at a diner with locals in what appears to be your garden variety ad. The problem is, according to The Pitch - Yoder and his wife have no children.

What a good-looking family. In his new campaign video for Congress, Kevin Yoder appears to have a photogenic, all-American brood: three adorable girls and a boy, who seem to embody the heartland values Yoder espouses in his new campaign video. Except those aren't Yoder's children.

If you just watched the video and didn't know any better, you'd think these were Yoder's kids. They're not. They're likely his nieces and nephew (or models hired for cuteness).

While misleading and creepy, that alone wouldn't be much of a story. But, thanks to a very observant blogger, we find out that Yoder not only hired other people's children to give the impression he was a "family man," he also hired right wing, anti-tax lobbyists and a Delta Dental executive to pose as regular, working folk:

But what Pitch didn't notice, but we at DOTR did, is that while the ad has plenty of other people's children, Yoder also gathered some of his favorite lobbyists to play "real people" for him to "meet" in a "diner."

Why there's Ken Daniel, the conservative anti-tax advocate, in the brown coat next to Yoder at 0:33. And that's Dan Murray at 0:59. You remember him - he's the Kansas director for the right-wing National Federation of Independent Businesses and a frequent Statehouse visitor.

Even former legislator and current Delta Dental insurance executive Dean Newton makes several appearances, bringing his whole family to "meet" Kevin at 1:03 before giving an unconvincing "I'm a Yoder voter" at 1:21. Read on...

Yoder's Democratic opponent is Stephene Moore (Dennis Moore's wife) and here is her website. If you're so inclined, click through and show her some love.

David Brooks' next book: Congelicals on the Farm

via Jesus General

David Brooks
The New York Times

Dear Mr. Brooks,

As a resident of the Heartland, I'm tired of being denigrated by faithless blue-staters. My festering anger for these elitists finally erupted full force last Thursday when I saw the Frenchman, Alan Colmes, attack culture of life activist Neal Horsley for engaging in a traditional Heartland pastime...read on

Skippy has a little more about Brooks: shorter krugman: david brooks is a big fat weenie liar

From the Globe and Mail, a tale of earthy heartland values:

"Last week, the small county in northern Nevada voted 71 per cent for the re-election of President George W. Bush, whose campaign leaned heavily on fundamentalist Christian values such as opposition to same-sex marriage and abortion.

On the same ballot, voters also crushed an effort to ban the county's legalized brothels by a margin of nearly 2-1...

'We voted 72 per cent for Bush and 63 per cent to keep the brothels.'"

hy·poc·ri·sy: The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

Thomas Frank is, admittedly, the token liberal op-ed writer at The Wall Street Journal. And it's hard to say whether Murdoch's minions let this one slip through on purpose to lend credibility to the newspaper, or by accident:

To point out that this network [FOX News] is different, that it is intensely politicized, that it inhabits an alternate reality defined by an imaginary conflict between noble heartland patriots and devious liberals—to be aware of these things is not the act of a scheming dictatorial personality. It is the obvious conclusion drawn by anybody with eyes and ears.

The comment section had me splitting a gut laughing, especially this one:

Dr. Charles Krauthammer is a conservative respected on both the right and the left.

Far be it for me to speak for the right. But is there anyone on the Left who has "respect" for Charles Krauthammer? (Tweety doesn't count.)

Somewhere over the heartland of this country, there are porcine aviators fluttering in the sky. The state that has more state executions than the rest now thinks it might be a bad idea? Maybe Texas really is moving towards disavowing George Bush.

Off The Kuff:

Wow. The Dallas Morning News looks at some high profile death penalty cases in Texas and realizes that the system is irrevocably broken.

And that uncomfortable truth has led this editorial board to re-examine its century-old stance on the death penalty. This board has lost confidence that the state of Texas can guarantee that every inmate it executes is truly guilty of murder. We do not believe that any legal system devised by inherently flawed human beings can determine with moral certainty the guilt of every defendant convicted of murder.
That is why we believe the state of Texas should abandon the death penalty - because we cannot reconcile the fact that it is both imperfect and irreversible.[..]

Powerful stuff, especially considering the source. As you know, I am not philosophically opposed to the death penalty. I have always believed that for some crimes, and for some criminals, it's the only appropriate response. But it's also been clear for a long time that the system has many cracks in it, and that too many people have fallen through them. From prosecutorial misconduct to bad eyewitness identifications to incompetent defense attorneys to an impenetrable appeals process that is completely indifferent to questions of innocence, we have lost any right to say that the death penalty is applied in a fair and impartial manner, assuming we were ever able to say that.

Mike's Blog Round Up

shut up you fat whiner! An amazing post by Salam Pax, who seems to have become a full time, extremely frustrated news producer in Baghdad (hat tip to War and Piece)

State of the Day: Look, everybody, the president is doing his job!...and so is Condi.

Sadly, No! The Homeland Security official who signed off on funding cuts for New York and extra cash for the heartland is a small-town gal whose back-door appointment to the job was mired in controversy.

The WitList: We're only (partly) human after all

BBC NEWS-Climate chaos: Bush's climate of fear: Today, a US government whistleblower tells Panorama how scientific reports about global warming have been systematically changed and suppressed. Some of America's leading climate scientists claim to Panorama that they have been censored and gagged by the administration.

NPR: DoJ...Department of Jesus?

James Wolcott:

"Anyway, the 'Hollywood doesn't reflect mainstream America' argument is one of the oldest and phoniest in the playbook, with Michael Medved making the same case that Catholic organizers did in the 30's to push for a decency code---The heartland issue is such a crock, especially when it's taken up by pseudo-populist pundits who cling to both coasts and wouldn't move to the middle of the country unless the name of that middle was Chicago....read on"

(via FireDogLake)

It's August and that means it's time for out fearless leader to have some down time. Do you think five weeks is enough to clear his head and put that spark back in his step? As Scott McClellan puts it, "Spending time outside of Washington always gives the president a fresh perspective of what's on the minds of the American people. It's a time, really, for him to shed the coat and tie and meet with folks out in the heartland and hear what's on their minds."

Greg takes a look at the different approaches Bush and Clinton took towards vacation time. Try to guess who comes out on top and is actually a little more French than we first thought.

Steve also files his R&R report.

soundbitten

Remember that "regular guy" poll from last year that found that "voters would rather flip burgers and drink beer at a backyard barbecue with President Bush than Sen. John Kerry"?

The poll made perfect sense, of course -- who wouldn't like to get drunk with a teetoler whose wife made him quit drinking decades ago? That'd be a lot of fun.

Until today, however, I never noticed any opportunities for regular guys to make their Bush barbecue dreams a reality. The Associated Press reports:

He arrived before noon, local time, at a neighbor's ranch for a barbecue where he was expected to raise at least $2 million for the Republican National Committee, said RNC spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt.
Some 230 people attended the fund-raiser at Stan and Kathy Hickey's Broken Spoke Ranch, a 478-acre spread next to Bush's ranch. All have contributed at least $25,000 to the RNC, and many are "rangers," an honorary campaign title bestowed on those who raised $200,000 or more for Bush, or "pioneers," those who have raised $100,000 or more.

Good to see that pesky elitist Cindy Sheehan isn't completely spoiling Dubya's vacation plans to "shed the coat and tie and meet with folks out in the heartland and hear what's on their minds."
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Some 230 people attended the fund-raiser at Stan and Kathy Hickey's Broken Spoke Ranch, a 478-acre spread next to Bush's ranch. All have contributed at least $25,000 to the RNC, and many are "rangers," an honorary campaign title bestowed on those who raised $200,000 or more for Bush, or "pioneers," those who have raised $100,000 or more.

Good to see that pesky elitist Cindy Sheehan isn't completely spoiling Dubya's vacation plans to "shed the coat and tie and meet with folks out in the heartland and hear what's on their minds."