I could pretend to know anything about soccer other than goals need scoring, but hell, I really don't. And still, even a shallowly-educated sportsball person like myself was totally riveted by this championship game played and won with — I think the technical sports term is "total badassery" — by the U.S. Women's Soccer team. The U.S. beat the Netherlands' team 2-0 in a 95-minute match that had people jumping out of their damn skins.

Megan Rapinoe, an American hero in her own right, scored the first goal on a penalty kick, and after a brief celebration, struck her iconic "Are You Entertained?" pose before her team absolutely devoured her.

Rose Lavelle scored the second goal 8 minutes later in the match, and the rest is history.

Who thinks they'll be invited to the White House?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey, hey, now, we all know how scared he'd be to have these women in any close proximity to him, amirite?

But we do look forward to having them tour the House of Representatives at AOC's invitation.

And for now, it sure is good to have something happy to cheer about that's associated with America. Thanks, Women's Team USA.