It's nice to see that the folks at Newsmax have moved on from essential issues like investigating the Bidens' dog to concentrating on Dr. Jill Biden's Halloween cat whiskers, which they, of course, compared to a Hitler mustache. This critique of the Bidens' Halloween event resulted in one saying, "So, you know, forget the White House. The Schlapps are where it's at." Yeah, riiiight, the Schlapps. Just don't let Matt Schlapp near any of your manly bits, guys.

"Here he is being himself," Chris Plante said of the President. Who else would he be?

"And Dr. Jill Biden, for Halloween, she was a doctor," the asshole determined. "And for Halloween, Joe Biden was President of the United States."

That's a real knee-slapper right there!

"Dr. Jill was dressed up like a cat like she's a 17-year-old high school girl or something," Plante said. "And she said they put the makeup like the cat mouth on her. A lot of people thought it looked like a Hitler mustache."

Zero people thought that Dr. Jill looked like Hitler in a skirt.

"And the kids, I think the kids probably weren't from the neighborhood," he added for no reason whatsoever.

"If I'd be working in the communications team, I would have just said, closed press, we're going to send out a photo and call it a day," a Newsmax lady said. "He looks ridiculous. He looks creepy. He looks like a hot mess. And I don't want my children near him."

Of course, then they discussed whether Joe Biden was "sniffing the kids" because that's what totally serious news people debate.

And then they talked about going to Matt and Mercedes Shlapps's home for Halloween as if that wouldn't be creepy. I'd rather slide down a 50-foot razor into a pile of salt while wearing cat whiskers than sit next to Matt Schlapp. He's a very hands-y guy.

I think I need a drink now. ttyl!

H/T: Wonkette