Ted Haggard Premature Ejection From "Restoration Therapy"
New Life Church said Tuesday that former pastor Ted Haggard has prematurely ended a "spiritual restoration" process begun when he was fired for sexual misconduct.
Haggard was fired from New Life Church and resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals in November 2006 after a former male prostitute alleged they had a cash-for-sex relationship. The man also said he saw Haggard use methamphetamine.
Haggard confessed to undisclosed "sexual immorality" and said he bought meth but didn't use it.
New Life said in a written statement that "the process of restoring Ted Haggard is incomplete and (New Life) maintains its original stance that he should not return to vocational ministry."
They don't say so explicitly, but it sounds like Ted couldn't quite give up "Teh Gay" and gave up being "restored," whatever that means.
Now THERE is a stain for ya.
Ted Haggard sucks. On topic.
Off topic: The power structure will not let Obama be the Dem candidate.
Sad really.
Speaking of relgious crackpots, with the moderator's permission, I thought some of you would enjoy this! Remember and Opus Dei doushe by the name of Rick Santorum?
http://pabulumadnauseam.blogspot.com/2008/02/santorum-just-shut-f-up-alr...
VietVet8666 @ 2:
That is what i said, I know in California the non aligned voters were disenfranchised by the thousand when their votes were tossed out yesterday...and I maintain that the non-aligned types were mostly Obama-leaning. Just an opinion and a sneaky suspicion.
Do they remember Ted the great organizer or Ted the preacher or Ted the family man. No.
But suck one little dick....
so the success quote of "restoration" is now what... a negative 2?
i do feel bad for his family - they didn't ask for this.
Haggard and Craig.. sitting in a tree..
Maybe he grew tired of having them yell "Your not gay" 24/7.
Beyond redemption? This must be according to the new revised word of Christ.
Dammit! I was soooooooooooooo sure it would take this time. Well, maybe next time, Ted.
samdog at 5
You've good instincts.
Wonder how his wife and children are doing.
I have an addiction to salty snacks. I have been engaged in "spiritual restoration" work to overcome my passion for Ruffles. You've got to take one day at a time.
He bought meth but didn’t use it?? What the fuck was he going to do with it then? Deal in it?
Does James Dodson know? Maybe he can offer to shower with him.
UH OH....SOMEONE FELL OFF THE WAGON...OR IS IT ON THE WAGON?
I CAN NEVER REMEMBER
That was 15 months ago. How long does it take these "spiritual restoraters" to beat the "devil" out of someone?
Why hasn't this guy been charged with buying meth yet?
Gawd, I loathe these people, with a passion.
Haggards desire to fleece the flock has momentarily surpassed his desire for cock.
There's no restoration whether it be spiritual or whatever to something that was never there to begin with...
So he's into guys apparently somebody please hand him a rainbow flag....
I want to see Dawkins interview this guy about morality again.
Hey, didn't we take bets as to how long Haggard would make it in "rehab"?
So who wins? I forgot what I bet.
One day at a time, my ass!
Ted: Just STOP IT!
Don't try to confuse the issue with half-truths and gorilla dust.
Ruthless People @ 20:
Apparently his appendage is more honest than the rest of him....
As a female I believe it's not a loss...
Maybe to the gay community...
The day after Tennessee and Arkansas both supported Mike Huckabee in the Republican primary the good Lord sent tornadoes and a path of destruction through both states.
I wonder what Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell would have to say about that?
"I have some sad news for the gays, as they're referred to. Unfortunately, they have lost one of their own this evening -- Ted Haggard, the evangelical preacher, who as you know, was caught doing meth and f**king dudes. The Denver Post is reporting that he is now 'completely heterosexual.' ... People say how did they ... turn this clearly gay man into a heterosexual? It's very simple. You know when you were a kid and your father caught you smoking. Then he decided to make you smoke a carton. Ted's been a busy boy." --Jon Stewart
Ruthless People @ 26:
They would say that god was aiming for the vile, evil, anti family-values democrats but his aim was off that day
Yet you all know, "Ted Haggard is Completely Heterosexual!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZmHC75FDqQ
C'mon, sing along with me!!
Good for Ted. Hope he did escape their clutches.
Spiritual restoration is a nice euphemism, innit?
Here's an idea for Ted. Stay gay but give up perverting the name of the God you pretend to pray to, while lining your pockets.
Problem solved.
Probably used that meth he bought but never did. Was hanging onto it for a tough time, and a couple of months without a dick in his mouth must have pushed him over the edge.
Wow I just bought some marijuana that I was planning not to use too!
No, no, you've got it all wrong. He's "completely heterosexual" Now, he's just a meth addict.
Tim in Japan @ 31:
Don't push that freak our way!
Sometimes it's nice just knowing the drug is there without using it.
You'd have to be an addict to understand.
Oops!
curtilingus @ 33:
Can I have it?
Ruthless People @ 35:
He's a free agent that neither team wants.
curtilingus@33
Could I not use it with you?
Ruthless People @26
I saw a student at Union Baptist College say it was god's hand that kept any student there from being hurt. I guess god must have hated the 52 people killed and since global warming doesn't exist I guess god doesn't like glaicers and polar bears>
ted can deceive or try to deceive everyone else about his desires,
but he can't hide them from himself. there are many religious biggots
that publicly condemn certain behaviors, but only to disguise those
same desires in them self. please note the increased outing
of repugs and their sexual perversions.
Peter G @ 6:
LOL!!
but he is coming out to endorse McCain
it sounds like Ted couldn’t quite give up “Teh Gay”
LMAO!!!
oh well, time to stay out, Ted.
Anyone who takes Ted Haggard seriously deserves the money they will lose.
Oh, and I AM THE THIRD REVELATION!!! I DRINK YOUR MILSHAKE, TED, YOU BOOOOOYYYY!!!
JasonS @ 46:
The only milkshake that's warm
Reminds me of that one Southpark with Butters.
In other words, be aware he might have an inkling to jump off a bridge.
Oh, and I AM THE THIRD REVELATION!!! I DRINK YOUR MILSHAKE, TED, YOU BOOOOOYYYY!!!</blockquot
The only milkshake that’s warm
and salty....
I wonder what his family thinks about him dropping out of the academy?
He probably told them he was going to start taking night classes.
Fanon @ 49:
His milkshake brings all the boyz to teh yard?
Hahahahaha HAHAHAHAHA hahahahaha hehehehehehe AHAHAHAHAHA!
I can't help but think "snake oil salesman" when i see this clip. What is sad is that these huge flocks of people who attend these mega-church services buy into this crap.
AshWilliams@51
Or the bathroom stall, whichever...
So, did Ol' Tushy-Pusher Haggard graduate or was he expelled?
You choose the wrong religion, Ted, 'old boy. You should have been a Catholic, then they would have transferred you and made you a bishop, no press,nothing.
Ya gotz ta fleece da flock sos ya can get youz some meth an cock! It's in da BIBLE!!!
wow... .this is a sad dude... he has always been a deluded twit.
How gay do you have to be to flunk out of gay reversal rehab?
Fanon @ 49:
SALTY?
Bangkok Bob
Are you trying to say yours is not? Hmmmm, interesting. Must be your diet....
Bought meth but didn't use it. Only the people in his church would be so god damned dumb as to believe such crap....
greg white @ 56:
Ouch.
Seriously, though...
Ted, just give up the Jeebus-pushing and be honest for a change. Accept it, you're gay. Don't worry, odds are good that there ain't no god anyhow. Just get yourself a boyfriend (whores are bad news, Ted,) and find a decent job. Maybe you could get into gardening/landscaping or something.
Ali @ 30:
Take him to Room 101. And alert the Junior Anti-Sex League.
Ruthless People @ 26:
Vote Giulliani?
Well, no heaven for Teddy Boy.
BTW has anyone checked his DNA?
Judging from his behavior he could be part Bonobo.
I wonder how MRS. HAGGARD feels about this. I think it's the ONLY reason she didn't bolt from the marriage when his "sins" became public.
Poor Ted. Jebus loves you man, just not in that way.
fwacbar @ 61:
Why do you think they were there in the first place?
Ted doesn't need to get butter, he needs some Marjoe-ing.
casper46 @ 17:
The short is answer is "NEVER".
I had a friend who showed gay tendencies very early in life, and I grew up watching his dad beat the shyt out of him every time we played "house" and he wanted to be the "wife". Talk about your role-reversal (as the woman I had to go to work to support the family, LOL)
His father honestly thought if he administered enough ass-whippings, my friend would "go straight".
He went "straight" into a bad marriage, "straight" out of that bad marriage, and "straight" into the arms of a man who unconditionally loved him until death did they part.
As a Christian, I often wonder why gay coupled can honor a marriage vow they aren't even allowed to affirm in a church ceremony, while those of us hets who can legally marry, can't honor the vow past the wedding reception, let alone the honeymoon.
Fanon @ 54:
Lol
"That was 15 months ago. How long does it take these “spiritual restoraters” to beat the “devil” out of someone?
The short is answer is “NEVER”."
The long answer is "NEVER", too.
Old Billy @ 64:
That they should have voted for Obama?
But in all fairness, that part of the country has been devastated by natural disasters ever since they helped to return Chimpy to a second term in the Oval Office.
Hurray for Hypocrisy. At least Mark Foley owned up and is actually living an openly gay lifestyle these days. Not that that excuses his previous bullshit by any means.
Can't get enuff o' dat meth 'n man-ass, can ya Ted?
Yupps, religion is just another big business, and Haggard is just another disgrased CEO.
Pray Away Gay University or PAGU is one of the hardest schools to graduate from.
It requires multiple lobotomys as well as having your genitals removed.
Even those that graduate are rarely seen at the alumni meetings.
Some become Priest...others congressmen, while other specialize in tapping.
MagnificentAppendage @ 74:
He is? Good for him. But karma is a bitch and he's in for a visit.
this is not a funny story...."restorative therapy" is a joke and immoral
i feel bad for haggard because he lived a lie for most of his life, and continues to live that lie
i feel bad for his family because they have to suffer due to his actions
i am disgusted by the right wing christians who still believe (despite what the apa says) that homosexuality can be cured
MargeAggedon @ 67:
:lol: [a lot]
winterbear @ 58:
don't forget it's a combined addiction. there's meth involved, too.
Ah, sweet, sweet memories - Haggard was the reason I first visited C&L way back in '06. Seems like only yesterday.
Gawd bless that man!
Wow, at first I thought that said something else...
The counselors at PAGU (h/t Jack Jett @ 77) knew going in that Ted obviously had a very bad case of teh gay. If they'd known it was contagious, they'd never have taken his case. When they started getting a little Haggard themselves, they "pulled the plug", fearing that he might trigger their latency into a full-blown out-break.
teddy probably hit on too many of the male staffers who were trying to save his immoral soul - LMFAO
I don't see where the problem is. The fundies all say that homosexuality is a choice so all Ted has to do is choose to be straight. Shouldn't take more than a minute or two.
Bless his heart
I hope he comes out. I hope he publicly renounces his past hypocrisy, projection, and self-loathing and accepts who he is. "Gay" also means "happy," after all. Come out, Ted! Find the happiness you've deprived yourself of, all in the name of God. It's your best shot at salvation. As Bruce Springsteen put it, Ted: "It ain't no sin to be glad yer alive"!
By the way, what are the odds that's a gay couple at 0:41?
He could dish out salvation, but not take it himself.
Medical Diagnosis by Video @ 89:
So sad, so true... How the world so dealy loves a cage! (Harold & Maude)
They probably caught him jerking it. Since he's a man touching a penis, that makes him gay in their eyes.
Oh good. Ted is back on the market.
Hey Ted, I've got a great idea! Why don't you just be a fag, like me! Whew, that was easy! Christians.. (faux or not) Can we throw them to the lions again yet?! That might bode well for the San Francisco Zoo and damn I'd really love to own them all up on all that persecution they've been "suffering" of late! What a shame, poor Teddy-boy: delusion, denial and lies all while letting his life go by. Religion, bah humbug. Sex on the sidelines? WTF kind of life is that?! Poor twisted little X-ian. Oh well, God Hates Fags, right?
Ted is busy preparing for his appointment as John McCain's Vice Presidential choice.
Maybe the silly man realized that he is gay. Maybe his "restoration" actually brought some reality into his life. I doubt it, it's hard to go from crazy right wing Christian Conservative to gay and accept it, but ya never know! Go Ted!
Apparently he realized this when he saw his gerkin covered in fudge. I get it.
His 'get out' test was to stay one hour in larry craigs restroom, he failed each time.
the pillow therapy didn't work? perhaps they didn't stuff all the feathers up one end.
The Political Junkie @ 74:
Likewise since the leebrul northeast twice voted against Chimpy for the past 7 years the region has had no droughts, no floods, no tornadoes, mild Winters, temperate Summers, nice Springs and beautiful Falls.
Jesus is a liberal! Praise the Lord!
Oh man. Some of you miss the point. de-gay classes are for *other* people, not ultra conservative ant-gay gay preachers.
Clearly only the ultimate degayification technique can work for Ted. He will just have to reenact the life of Jesus. He must wander the country dressed only in a robe and sandals with twelve other guys dressed..Oh that was the restoration therapy.
Don't they mean he was prematurely ejaculated??? Forcibly ejected? I wonder what the wife and kids are thinking.
As long as we don't get a self indulgent McGreevy book about his "struggles"...ass.
These "Christian" liars and con men literally make me sick. It's like having a whole bunch of little Joseph Smith wannabe charlatans preying on the gullible and stupid (of which America offers a never-ending supply).
Teleken @ 9:
Ted's not gay. He had to leave early because he's out campaigning against gay rights with Larry Craig, and Bob Allen.
They are behind schedule however, because they have been taking dozens of restroom stops in every town.
Looks like Ted may have blown his last chance at going straight.
Now this is why them funddies are dangerous! They think they have all the answers when they don't have a clue what the question is.
Friends don't let friends go to funddy church.
Marco
I have a collection of bags of meth I don't use either.
Hoping to get a grant (or maybe some tax-free church donations) to create my own meth museum...
Ted Haggard may have been born in Colorado, but he was obviously reared in the New Life Church.
What? (innocent look) What did I say?!?
Wait a minute. Over a year ago, after only THREE WEEKS in "restoration therapy" he was loudly and publicly declared COMPLETELY STRAIGHT.
It's just amazing to me that people are allowed to peddle this nonsense. Stake oil salesmen practicing psychology without a license and completely in contradiction to existing scientific, medical and psychiatric knowledge.
Nicole,
we do go after you now and then, often b/c of the titles (left or right).
This title takes the CAKE !! Thanks !
I worked for a high-profile ministry and the things that went on behind the scenes! Those who were placed in key positions of power protected and promoted The Big Guy at all costs and made sure his hands and reputation were kept clean from the dirty work they did on his behalf. None of the lower staff drones were allowed contact with him lest they let slip any tidbits of troubled conscience that might blow the lid off his fantasy. That way if ever publicly or privately confronted he could deny all knowledge of the unethical and ungodly manipulations done for him. The world was told it was all for the glory of Jesus but in reality it was all for the glory of The Big Guy. Many of us stayed thinking we could influence change from the inside but left when we found we could not. It is very difficult to prove to those outside what was common knowledge to those inside. It takes staff members in key positions of power willing to out things. Look how many years it took for some of those key people in ORU to get fed up enough to talk. I hope and pray some in the ministry I was part of will one day do the same.
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