GOPese To English Dictionary

The GOP barely bothers to hide its desire to “refudiate” every civilizing advance of the 20th Century—everything from Medicare to Voting Rights to Civil Rights to Labor laws to universal education to clean air, water and food. But the made up

The GOP barely bothers to hide its desire to “refudiate” every civilizing advance of the 20th Century—everything from Medicare to Voting Rights to Civil Rights to Labor laws to universal education to clean air, water and food. But the made up “refudiate” itself has yet to be chiseled into Frank Luntz’ tablets of holy doublespeak. Instead, again and again, the GOP reiterates the same magic mangled words and phrases to spit and polish its deconstructive aims:

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Job Killing, adj.: Used to modify anything proposed or enacted by the Democrats, it actually speaks the truth about the GOP’s primary goal: Kill as many jobs as possible, thwart the economic recovery from the 2008 Bush collapse in order to mar President Obama’s reelection hopes in 2012. See public sector layoffs in GOP controlled states like Florida, Wisconsin & Ohio as well as cuts in Washington spending on infrastructure, education and disaster relief. Synonyms: economic terrorism, treason.

Free Market, adj., sometimes n.: Two happy, cuddly words that actually translate to “unchecked corporate looting of the taxpayers’ money.” This phrase cheerleads corporations like Halliburton, Blackwater and perhaps Anthem Blue Cross as they feast on huge pots of public money for services the government should probably supply itself. The phrase also awards license to corporations to pollute, exploit, discriminate and serve up defective products without fear of oversight or repercussion.

Privatize, v.: Corporate looting of the public treasury, the political version of Willie Sutton’s, I rob banks because “that’s where the money is.” See Free Market. See also Paul Ryan’s Vouchercare aka Medikill. Synonym: Throw Grandma To the Wolves and then Under the Bus.

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Patriot, n.: Almost always a white American who hates all Americans of a different race and probably, when pressed, pretty much every other white American too. Mostly patriots hate the idea of a black president, and they adopt this pose of bravado in an effort to deny that reality. Patriots generally believe foremost in the 2nd Amendment uber alles and/or a Jesus who doesn’t tolerate universal health care, unemployment benefits, the interstate highway system or a black man in the White House. Ironic synonym: Confederate Flag bearer.

The American People, n.: Intoned repeatedly and with reverence to demonstrate that GOP leadership is absolutely committed to exercising the will of the common American billionaire. Synonyms: corporate lobbyists, enormous campaign donors, Koch brothers. Antonym: the actual American People.

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Uncertainty, n.: Multipurpose excuse for all things, it implies that no matter what we do, everything will suck as long as there is a Democrat in power anywhere on the planet. Can be used to justify implementation of the Chamber of Commerce’s wettest dream: tax cuts for the wealthy, tax subsidies for the biggest richest oil companies, the repeal of any and all corporate regulations, and even in defense of something called tort reform. Synonym: The rich don’t have every damn red cent quite yet.

Constitution, n.: Some document easily conflated with the Declaration of Independence or Paul Revere’s Bell Ringing that was written by wealthy white men to protect the rights of wealthy white corporations. Some contemporary Constitutionalists, like the Old Testament/New Testament folk before them, believe that the original has been superceded by a superior document published in 1957 by Ayn Rand.

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Demagoguery, n.: A big word that resides in few American’s vocabularies but sounds like a really bad thing no matter what it means. Translation: Hey you mean, socialist, Death Panelly, Muslim Democrats, quit telling the truth about how we are trying to destroy the humanizing social fabric of this country. Again see Paul Ryan’s Vochercare aka Medikill.

Doing “The People’s” Business, v.: Abortion bills, more abortion bills, bills decrying the evils of Big Bird and pap smears, more abortion bills and of course killing that Medicare thing that no “real American” likes anyway. See 112th Congress, January 2011 to June 2011.

About Steve Weinstein

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Steve Weinstein is a writer/humorist, sometimes even a humorous writer, and author of the book "A Wish Can Change Your Life." Follow me on Twitter: @steveweinstein

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