We--the humble folks trying to give you an accurate view of The Real McCain--summarize, because you're just too darn busy to keep up with every McCain flip-flop, sell out or new principle:

* John McCain's cool with missing a vote on his war, but he'll make sure to lecture South Carolina students on how taking really cold showers will allow them to forego sex outside of marriage. Unless you're McCain, it's the 1970s and you're cheating on your then-wife with your current one.

* John McCain thinks Roe v. Wade must absolutely positively be overturned. Except he said something very different in 1999. And the rules don't apply to his daughter. She has the right to control her body, unlike, say, everyone who's name is not McCain.

* McCain is a keynote speaker at The Discovery Institute on Friday, as it seems he has personally discovered how to change his position on evolution multiple times. The Discovery Institute thinks evolution is hoax, up there with gravity and electric stoves. They also think we should replace constitutional with Biblical government. Which is much different than what the Taliban wants. Much different.

* Iraq war debacle - Rumsfeld's fault. Even though not too long ago McCain was saying some very nice things about The Donald. I am just shocked McCain would change his mind!

* A tip from our loyal reader basheert: "Thune (who has endorsed McCain) told Capitol Briefing he extracted a promise from the Arizonan on judicial nominations. Thune said McCain told him he would appoint "guys like Roberts and Alito". That's a reference to Chief Justice John Roberts and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, both of whom were nominated by President Bush and were popular selections among Christian conservatives." The pandering continues.

* "What I have found out in my life, is that every time I have done something for political reasons and not the right reasons, I have paid a very heavy price for it — a big price.” Like your soul perhaps? But I digress, McCain said this, ironically enough, as he met with religious broadcasters in Orlando (of the Christian Right variety), you know, the kinds of folks he called "agents of intolerance" only a few years ago.

We hope you've enjoyed this week's edition. If we can make any promise to you, knowing John McCain's willingness to do anything to become president, it's that we'll be back next week!

For more on this and other stories, please go to cliffschecter.com.