September 05, 2007 10:30 PM
Open Thread / Write Your Own Caption
Senator Craig with Mitch McConnell (click for larger to get the full facial expression there) this past June. Hat tip Princess Sparkle Pony.
About Bluegal aka Fran
Executive Producer of The Professional Left Podcast. On staff at Crooks and Liars since 2007. Master's degree from Harvard. Happy wife of Driftglass. Mother of three geniuses. Obsessive knitter. Blogs at http://bgalrstate.blogspot.com. .
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You have NO clue where this hand has been.
"Pressure keeps the terrorists on the run, and when on the run, we're safer," he said. "We must be determined, we must be focused and we must not let up."
tube steak
it was this hand that I used for the reacharound and I can prove it
"So I reached under and tried to wrap my hand around his huge throbbing..."
Mitch has a scared look on his face because Sen. Craig is tapping his foot.
This hand serves many purposes....let me demonstrate.
That man looks like he has something in his throat he doesn't want to swallow...
"And I want to extend my hand in friendship to Mitch McConnell."
His hand? He must have been reaching for a piece of toilet paper on the pristine floor of a public airport bathroom.
Is that the hand he uses to spank those 'naughty, bad, nasty boys'?
Mitch McConnell thinks....... just what does he mean by WE arent nasty naughty boys?
OMG, That man has blow the pick up code
I did not have sex with that "man" Ann Coulter!!!
mitch is wondering why craig told him to take out his teeth.
"That cop wanted me to fist him with an open hand... I said I didn't think I could get it in real far..."
ROTFLOL .. thanls bluegal I needed a laugh!
That pics a keeper
Craig: ". . . and when I spank the monkey I use this hand."
McConnel: "TMI, TMI!"
Craig: "No, that's not what I said! I will use this hand to crack the door ajar and then extend the hand of friendship."
McConnel: "TMI, TMI!!!!"
King of Mean @ 16:
rotflmao
Mitch: "Move that hand one millimeter closer to me, and I swear, you'll lose it. Yes, I even use the metric system when making sure you types don't get too close to me."
"Yeah, one time a flight got diverted to Atlanta, and I had a few hours to kill... the stall had a glory-hole, that you could fit four finger in... needless to say, Mitch and I were really naughty that day..."
I'm truly grossed out (but in a good way). That's hilarious...
The One Armed Senator Walking Into An Adult Book Store
"Y just yesterday I sucked one *THIS* long!"
I love Princess Sparkle Pony
"Princess Sparkle Pony is a gorgeous, glittering Princess Pony with molded decorations and sparkling hair. Her body is pink and is adorned with fine, multicolored glitter."
"I admit, when I was on the toilet, trying to take this monster-sized dump, the thought of that hot cop in the next stall made my little cock shoot up like my thumb here..."
"baby jesus told me I could wash away my sins if I switched to the Democratic Party"
"I'm definately not gay... but I do get a lot of guys coming on to me... I usually give them a good solid karate chop like this... but then again, sometimes I give in, and let them fuck me in the ass..."
Mitch: Should I tell anyone that the bastard just propositioned me in the bathroom before we came out here? God. I'm confused. Why would he do that to me, I'm not gay...I've never been gay...except that one night in college."
The fist of death turns into the hand of indescribale terror....
You can't get away with the CRUNCH...
...because the CRUNCH always gives you away...
...especially after you have pled guilty to assaulting somebody in a public men's room AND called Clinton a naughty, naughty boy.
Craig: Bi/Str8, Masc, uncut. Will be in La Guardia airport bathroom 2pm, sunday, near terminal 8, looking for sum fun. D/D free, for nsa hj, bj, versatile but will bottom if it feels right. no fems.
Mitch: Um...this concludes our press conference. Any futher questions can be directed too-
Craig: 420 OK.
Mitch: -Mr Craig's legal staff...
I think all the hand jokes are taken so I'll go with something else...
Hannity caught in a blatant lie about last night's poll after the GOP debate...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUxQadgSkoA
Mitch (thinking to himself): "I think Larry's done n' caught hisself the gay..."
O'Reilly went on air tonight to attack NBC's "to catch a predator" and defend pedophiles. O'Reilly sinks to a new, if you can imagine, to attack NBC while going out of his to claim "alleged" pedophiles were entrapped (while trying to solicit sex from preteen boys and girls). The reich-wing herom O'Reilly, is beyond pathetic scum...he's a typical pedophile enabling reich-winger. Reich-wingers should not be allowed to have children or be around children. They are perverted lowly scum.
I hope the US government starts a website to inform neighborhoods when a reich-winger moves into you locale.
Germans can't get over their xenophobia.
New meat recall. An appeals court says feds can't sell land to a particular religious denomination, if it's surrounded by public land. Climate change is leading to map changes. NATO is overwhelmed in Afghanistan. Yet another study says we should vamoose.
Another study
says we should vamoose.
Mitch: "Stop it. You're making me bite my lips. Wait. I don't have lips. Carry on."
yenehC hcaepmI @ 31:
ROFL!!!
NATO can't cut it in Afghanistan. German officials want to take away civil liberties for Muslims.
Nooooo. The lotion was here in my right hand, not my left.
When you choke the Chicken or strangle the Goose you begin with your hand open and your soft, supple palm facing inward.
Allow me to demonstrate with the help of my assistant Mitch.............
Cartographers are pissed
about global warming. New meat recall. An appeals court says the feds can't play a hat trick with establishment of religion.
mitch: "Oh gosh, I'm being pictured with this guy, I better put on a strange face because I don't want to look like his friend when the story gets out!"
McConnell is thinking: "DAMN, he's hot! I wonder if he's available later?"
mitch: Is that semen on his ear?
Where's your other hand?
Between two pillows.
Those aren't pillows!
Jon @ 30:
:lol:
Larry's new theme song.
http://www.spokesmanreview.com/media/video/?ID=1228
Mitch blinking Morse code
"Dah-dah-dah, dah-dah, di-di-dah-dit, dah-dah-dit."
Oh shit Craig why'd you have to out me too?
"You can't just pretend to be a nasty naughty boy, you actually have to be a nasty naughty boy"
"Senator Mitch will now also come out"
"All FOUR fingers?!?! Yowzaaa!"
Mitch: "That IS a wide stance!"
i had it rammed up this far up moconnels ass!
:lol: That facial expression beats even Matthews' reaction to the "nasty, naughty boy" bit.
Craig: "you see, I wanted to play paper-rock-scissors... and I had paper... but, he wouldn't give me the rock..."
I'm not Gay!
"I hope to God he doesn't tell them about me." -Mitch
"And now Senator McConnell will also come out of the closet"
See, there's no toilet paper in this hand either. Now, let's check Mitch's stall.
I had my hand just on the other side of the bathroom stall....I was so close to a handful.....damn damn damn.
"And now Sen. McConnell will also come out of the closet"
I know I said I was gonna resign, that I intend to resign. Then I thought, "no fuck it I'm stayin." Then Mitch over here pleads with me, "Please, please just go." But you know what Mitch I've got a better idea. I'm just gonna cut it off. Just chop, like this! Hiya! Then I can't be gay.
Hi everyone, long time lurker, frist time poster.
While we're on the subject of pictures...
I went to DC a few years back when I was in high school as part of the Close Up program and group of students and I had the chance to meet our dear Senator, while he was speaking I took the following picture, and just happened to get that.
Just thought I'd share.
McConnell: "Holy Shit! That was YOU in the next stall!!??"
McConnell thinks: "Dear Lord, please don't let him ask to shake my hand."
MeatloafBomb @ 65:
Hey I like that parting of the dead sea miniature diarama on top of his head.
"I INTEND not to be gay."
Taarak @ 69:
Winner
"Mitch's hand was rough and calloused, but it caressed me with surprising tenderness... "
Craig: "I'm thinking of entering the clergy. I hear there are altar boys who can take four fingers."
Selah
Craig and Mitch McConnell belong to the same club. Mitch was looking at how to act for the cover up. These old guys have been hiding for good reason during the youth days they would have been disowned. Remember Woodstock well where are those people now. You thought George W. Bush was born stupid wrong his brain was fried with drugs. The GOP boys clue learned each others secret and formed a clue so they could cover for each other. Yes there are more Child Molesters like Fingers Foley as Hastert let it continue for years, even giving Fingers the job of committee chairman for kids. This way Fingers could look up and see which kid he wanted. The Club stabbed Craig in the back now let's see if he still protects other members who are still hiding. Yes Mitch McConnell most likely knows the code but will be more careful in the future until he's outed.
Health care's going up next year.
Sorry. Here
is the link.
Craig: "Yes, it's true. I've been a very nasty, naughty boy"
McConnell: "I g-g-get ssssoo h h hot when he talks like that"
Technically Larry Craig is a Congressman inasmuch as he is a member of Congress. His proper title is Senator Larry Craig. Congressman is usually reserved for members of the House of Representatives. Just to be clear.
His wide stance makes me skeerd, though.
"I'll have plenty of time to HONE my NAUGHTY-POTTY hand movements when Im LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!"
> Where’s your other hand?
Between two pillows.
Those aren’t pillows!
:-) Great quote!
"Remember Mitch, when hitting on an older gentleman, like me, the bathroom signal is palm sideways, like this."
oh yuk....i think i'll just wipe it on this microphone stand.
hey mitch...whaddya think?
Balloon over McConnells head: How many times over the years this could have been me...
I don't know if this classifies as a caption, but ... here's Johnny Otis: Willie and the Hand Jive -
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TEeeGMpM_Nk
Aw.... I just may lose my best bathroom buddy. Sob.
Wait a minute... his notes are always on dirty paper!
See.... there,There's your proof !
No hairy palms here......So I'm not some flamm"em faluppy like Giuliani!
Wear"in dresses like that and all!!!!
You can't even tell they are sitting down.
McConnell looks like he got the short end of the stick.
Batocchio @ 56:
McConnell looks positively terrified - like he's afraid of what will come next. And he's NOT happy to be standing there.
*
"oh shit- is that mike rogers in the gallery????"
Tequila @ 75:
"Benefits" for who?
*
...now, the right hand is my pimp hand.
the left is for all the stall action, the police have it all wrong.
Are you nuts? This is the hand I eat with.
Stanley Rosenthal @ 83:
Loved it!
*
"Oh, my God, he's not going to tell them about our date last night?!"
McConnell: Should I tell him he has toilet paper stuck to the top of his shoe?
You put your right hand in
You put your right hand out
Do the hokey pokey
That's what it's all about
This guy has serious dirt on me. I'm so screwed. Again.
"In the middle of Larry Craig's press conference, an astonished Mitch McConnell realizes that a 'Dirty Sanchez' has absolutely nothing to do with illegal immigration."
Which hand do you wipe yourself with?
Did you know if you play with yourself...hair will grow on your palm?
What kind of a "job" do you want from Mitch??
You're a very bad, nasty, and naughty girlie man.
Ok, I'm finally sick of hearing about Larry Craig.
We have some speeches coming up from a general and two terrorists (bin Laden and bin Laden's biggest fan, Boosh!, of course)
I knew it was due time for our dose of fear.
This time we have a very special guest star....bin Laden himself ! Wow! How convenient! Complete with a freshly dyed beard.
" I cannot speak for Mitch McConnell here today on my left, but I want to make it clear that I am not gay ".
McConnell:
Please, Larry, stop saying "Harry Reid is a bad boy, a naughty boy, a bad, naughty, nasty boy, who will be punished with these firm but gentle hands."
StirFry @ 101:
Ain't that the truth...
We can't freaking find bin Laden, but we can predict and promote his next video appearance.
jeebus.
Stanley Rosenthal @ 96:
What if the hokey pokey IS what it is all about? (not original, I know)
i don't have a caption, just an observation. who looks most manly in the photo? i'm thinking craig is manly mcman compared to midge mcconnell.
Watch as Senator Craig demonstrates how he spanks bad, naughty, nasty boys.
...and once you insert the fist to the wristwatch, you can open your hand like this. Its as spacious as a Georgetown condo. You wouldn't think to look at a man, but there is room there like Southern Idaho.
" Ole' Mitch here has just made me aware that Tony Snow and Jeff Gannon have greater stances than I do, imagine that ? Oh, and I am not Gay ".
I'm in ur party and i'm not leaving
I think that that's what it *is* all about, LL. The right-wing is just smoke and mirrors.
no caption. they've all been done. Just a request. Please add a Facebook link under "Share" so I can be cool and have C&L links on my profile page
McConnell: "Sorry Larry. I gotta uninvite you to my $20m 'Victory in Iraq' party."
In Bill’s Fine Print, Millions to Celebrate Victory
"As the judge remarked the day that he aquitted my Aunt Hortence,
To be smut it must be utterly without redeeming social importance!"
So ya see, I was actually trying to shake hands with the man in the other stall. He was so thrilled to meet a senator.
See I took this hand and put it under the stall and then Mitch said no tap his foot first then put your hand under the stall with a $50 in it.
Since it's an open thread, I figured I could ask for an interpretation of this snippet of a dream of mine:
I was sleeping on a bed, kind of in some kind of open space, but also, quite possibly, a cave. In my dream, I opened my eyes just as Dick Cheney brought a pitchfork down towards me. I rolled off the bed onto the ground to avoid it. He then muttered something and then brought the pitchfork down next to me on the ground, which opened up a tear in the earth, out of which came gold and ice.
I realize this is a pretty fucking weird dream, but I'm looking for some kind of interpretation. Obviously, I think of Dick Cheney as the devil, but I'm not too sure about the other stuff. Cheney opening up the earth for gold kind of seems like an oil reference, but I'd be interested to hear some ideas.
McConnell thought bubble: "Oh. My. God. Larry's got TOILET PAPER in his HAIR!"
brendan @ 117:
what this means is that your brain is telling you to quit taking acid while reading the news.
Jenny'O @ 106:
Midge reminds me of a turtle . Craig sometimes looks like a bald Rumsfeld. i got nothing for a caption, all the butt wipe jokes are taken.
> all the butt wipe jokes are taken.
Yeah, so I might as well say GN. GNA!
ThanX for coming out. ;-)
Brendan - ok, I'll bite. I've studied dream interpretation & this one seems pretty straightforward.
The bed is a symbol for home, the fact your bed is in a cave or open space indicates you view the natural world, or Earth as your home. You being attacked by Dick Cheney indicates anxiety that Cheney & whatever else he represents to you, threatens your life, your home, your Earth. I don't think the pitchfork necessarily means you see Cheney as the Devil, more that you see him as dangerous to you. You explain this dangerous aggression to yourself as being motivated by greed - the torn Earth Cheney was willing to kill you to access reveals gold & ice (slang for diamonds, drugs & other shiny valuables).
It's not THAT weird a dream, by the way. It's an anxiety dream about dangerous government figures threatening your safety & way of life. I'd imagine there are countless millions worldwide having similar dreams every night
"Start with soft, lingering, finger dances. Pet it gently as you would the neck of a llama at a State Fair. Notice the looseness of the skin over the muscles. Apply just enough constriction to lightly yet firmly excite the inner organ. Just like when you're washing a chicken for frying and don't want to pull the skin off, it takes time and practice.
Smile, make eye contact, and start moving your hand up and down being a bit careful at first about the sensitive tip. Now this part I can't stress enough: Take your time. You're making love, not murdering a garden snake.
But if time is short, do what I do. When you're pulling, twist it a little and you'll be finished so quick the other customers will admire you being such a quick crapper. Stink-free too, it's a win-win scenario!
Don't forget to wash your hands but secretly save the paper towel like a perfumed letter. Love is wonderful."
Thanks for asking, you little JERK !!!
Would you believe Mitch doesn't have one?
"OMG! Is that jizz coming out of his ear?"
122 Dan- Thanks for the interpretation. I'd say that's pretty spot on. My brain's a little too tired to analyze a dream right now (hence the seemingly obvious pitchfork=devil). What I felt was weird about it was dreaming about Cheney. I can't remember the last time I dreamed about anything political. Thanks again for the response, and I appreciate the insight.
119 Mike- Sorry, drugs have never been a part of my appetite.
Mitch McConnell looks just like my mother-in-law.
I cannot recall where this hand has been. I do not recall if this hand has ever been in a bathroom. My other hand? It serves at the pleasure of the President.
Mitch McConnell, aka "MR. MELTY-FACE!"
Talk to the hand.
"My friend Mitch here is a bad boy, a bad nasty naughty boy"
I was sleeping on a bed, kind of in some kind of open space, but also, quite possibly, a cave. In my dream, I opened my eyes just as Dick Cheney brought a pitchfork down towards me. I rolled off the bed onto the ground to avoid it. He then muttered something and then brought the pitchfork down next to me on the ground, which opened up a tear in the earth, out of which came gold and ice.
1. What was your bed doing in a cave? (Did you wake up shivering?)
2. An open space? (Are you sure it was a cave...because caves aren't open spaces.
3. Dick brought a pitchfork down toard you? (Do you by any chance live on a farm?)
4. You rolled off the bed onto the ground to avoid it. (Do you perhaps sleep in a tent? If you rolled off the bed to avoid the bed itself you may be insane.)
5. He muttered something? (Was it "Go fuck yourself"?)
6. Did the pitchfork touch the ground or was it actually the floor of the cave? (If it was the ground you were probably not in a cave and if it touched the ground you were probably six feet under and dreaming you were in hell, which, if Dick Cheney was that close to you, I'm sure you were.)
7. The pitchfork opened a tear in the earth? (Was the pitchfork made of reinforced steel? Do you live on a fault line?)
8. Gold and ice? (Do you happen to write songs for a living or maybe a hobby?)
I can't tell you what your dream means exactly until these questions are answered and even then I'll probably just say something like, "Damn! That was one screwed up dream!"...
"We must force Sodomy on the . . . I mean we must force Saddam to show us his weapon."
Your Democrats at work:
Mitch: "My god, there's spooge on his hand!"
"Folks, I'm not gay... seriously... OK, there was that one time I bottomed for Mitch, but he hardly got it in... I mean, his cock was so soft, it made Strom Thurmond's seem rock hard... that shouldn't count..."
In case anyone missed it, a woman called AAR yesterday, claiming to be from Idaho, and offered the following as what Idahoans are saying about Senator Craig:
"Larry Craig, born in Idaho, reared in Minnesota!"
Seriuosly, my hand is not gay.
"Suddenly, he remembers where he has heard those denials of homosexuality before. And Mitch McConnell looks on in horror upon the realization that the citizens of Idaho have elected Mr. Garrison and "Mr. Hat" to the United States Senate."
"And with this hand it feels like somebody else is doing it."
"Do not mention the sauna, do not mention the sauna, do not mention the sauna....oh crap he's mentioning the sauna..."
Craig: "As soon as we get off the air, this hand is going right up your ass, newsboy. And it's going to be wrapped around my dick!"
See my hand does have shit on it, I told the officer I had ran out of toilet paper and could he pass me a few sheets ; but no he arrests me for some wierd gay stuff. What do I look like a democrat
I see his right hand...
Oh shit, what's he doing with his left?
McConnell is winching because both he and Craig have the wide stance and Craig's foot is crushing Mitch's baby toe.
"Mitch here doesn't have a magic lapel pin like mine. Its just amazing what great things fall in my lap..."
McConnell: I'm not gay . . . I'm not gay . . . I'm not gay . . . I'm not gay . . . I'm not gay . . . I'm not gay . . . I'm not gay . . .
You see, a wide stance gives sufficient arc to my stream, allowing me to hit the target virtually every time.
Mitch McConnell caption:
"If Craig only knew how he turns me on! Craig, you should have come to me!"
"Mitch McConnell taught me everthing I know."
"I wouldn't be where I am today. without Mitch McConnell."
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