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Gonzo Can't Find A Job

Gosh, I can't recall if anyone could have predicted this...

NYTimes (reg. req'd.)

Alberto R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult it can be to find a new job. Mr. Gonzales, the former attorney general, who was forced to resign last year, has been unable to interest law firms in adding his name to their roster, Washington lawyers and his associates said in recent interviews.

He has, through friends, put out inquiries, they said, and has not found any takers. What makes Mr. Gonzales's case extraordinary is that former attorneys general, the government's chief lawyer, are typically highly sought.

A longtime loyalist to George W. Bush dating to their years together in Texas, Mr. Gonzales was once widely viewed as a strong candidate to be the first Hispanic-American nominated one day to the Supreme Court. A graduate of Harvard Law School, he carried an impressive personal story as the child of poor Mexican immigrants.

Despite those credentials, he left office last August with a frayed reputation over his role in the dismissal of several federal prosecutors and the truthfulness of his testimony about a secret eavesdropping program. He has had no full-time job since his resignation, and his principal income has come from giving a handful of talks at colleges and before private business groups.

"Maybe the passage of time will provide some opportunity for him," said one Washington lawyer who was aware of an inquiry to his firm from a Gonzales associate. "I wouldn't say 'rebuffed,' " said the lawyer, who asked his name not be used because the situation being described was uncomfortable for Mr. Gonzales. "I would say 'not taken up.'"

Well, unless he is collecting unemployment, I don't think he needs to worry about skewing his buddy's unemployment figures...

Nice to see karma biting him on the ass, though, isn't it?

About Nicole Belle
Nicole Belle's picture
Mom, Wife, Media Critic/Political Analyst, Blogger, Austen Fanatic, Unapologetic Liberal NicoleBelle@crooksandliars.com
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162 Comments

I thought for a second he was Derek Jeter's new backup at shortstop!

Abbybwood's picture

How about cleaning the latrines while he's serving a life sentence in prison for ignoring the Constitution and fundamental rules of law?

lynchie's picture

Who but a lobbyist would hire a lying, unqualified, real estate lawyer. He performed as a complete incompetent and did not represent the people of the United States and uphold the Constitution. Instead he played bottom to Bushies Top Gun. Yeah, i want him on my team.

JasonS's picture

"I have an idea. You hire me as an 'outside consultant' and my job will be never to tell people these things that I know. I don't even need to come in for this job. I can do it from home."

-Narrator, 'Fight Club'

abarts's picture

I won't be satisfied until he has lost his money, home, and personal property. That goes for the rest of the 'Administration that never was'.

Steve E's picture

Don`t fret this one. This guy knows way to much for his own good. If I were him I wouldn`t be taking any late night dips in the pool.

Rufus's picture

Oh, how the mighty have fallen, and he won't be the only one. You do the president's bidding and you believe you are above the law. Then the clock strikes midnight, and you either can't find a job (tainted
as a war criminal) or you are indicted.

noen's picture

I'm sure the criminal justice system can find a spot for him. Kind of small but he'll be traveling light anyway. All you really need is three hots and a cot right?

Cas's picture

As long as he doesn't start making Gonzo movies.

jaf's picture

Just as the Powells, pere et fils, were quickly discarded by the neocon hierarchy as soon as they were no longer useful idiots, so another dusky stooge wakes up on the slag heap, Was there ever any doubt?

JasonS's picture

All I'm saying is that if Dick Cheney takes him fishing, it won't be a naked women we see reflected in his glasses.

Watch your back, Fredo.

Alice Hussein's picture

Let the War Crimes Tribunals begin.

They should be able to find a place for Gonzo.

JasonS's picture

noen @ 8:

I'm sure the criminal justice system can find a spot for him. Kind of small but he'll be traveling light anyway. All you really need is three hots and a cot right?

Try one cold every other day and a bucket in "beautiful, sunny" Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

meh's picture

Don't worry, he'll probably be hired on by FoxNuze as their "legal expert" after January so he could talk about how he used to run the DoJ differently.

Tom (Not Tom)'s picture

Is it possible that Gonzalez is the only criminal in the Bush administration without a golden "wingnut welfare" parachute? Jeez, is this guy dumb.

CowboyBob in Austin's picture

Why should he need a job? Don't ya think he got some of that NINE BILLION DOLLARS IN CASH that W's war-profits-cartel "lost" in Baghdad?

mdhatter's picture

I'm pretty sure his drought is merit based, not karma-based.

tyree's picture

dam right whos going to hire an asshole thats got such a bad memmory disk in his cabisas!

gf120581's picture

This is really embarassing, since usually law firms and lobbying groups will fall all over themselves to try and land a former AG (if nothing else so they can brag, "We've got a former ATTORNEY GENERAL on staff"). But this is Gonzo we're talking about, arguably the worst AG in recent memory, if not of all time, so one can understand why he's not getting showered with job offers. The only reason I could think of anyone hiring him is to curry favor with the Bush administration, but why would anyone bother when it'll be over in nine months? (And it's not like Obama or even McCain would exactly welcome Gonzo with open arms.)

VJB's picture

On the plus side, he is able to spend more time with his family.

PinkyLeftBrain's picture

It's hard to get the smell of Bush's asshole off your mustache, and your resumé... It's harder still to get the shit stains off your nose.

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. Unless you fall for anything before you stand for something...

Peter G's picture

Perhaps his old boss could give him some training in order to get a position commensurate with his qualifications. I'm thinking "Roadside Vegetation Control Technician". That's an actual job classification where I'm from.

Trii's picture

Why isn't this guy in jail yet?

VietVet8666's picture

No one wants to hire Gonzo. Why?

Because he's a crappy lawyer.

D.C. is filled with much better (more clever) lawyers.

Gonzo is just a tool. He served shrub.

He has nothing else to offer.

P.D.'s picture

I read about this yesterday and laughed my ass off! It's bad enough we can't charge him with anything because Congress has no balls, but at least I know he is about as popular as the plague.

E in MD's picture

What, Fox News isn't hiring?

ZombieNation's picture

Abbybwood @ 2:

How about cleaning the latrines while he's serving a life sentence in prison for ignoring the Constitution and fundamental rules of law?

Like many of the other idiots & crooks working for dumbass Bush, he is qulified for the above mentioned position/sentence. When based on merit & competence, their idiot-in-chief would not be able to find a private sector job either.

Mahkno's picture

No one will touch Gonzo until the Bush Administration is good and gone. He is a liability both legally and for the public image until it is clear he isn't going to be prosecuted for anything. Yeah and then there is the whole ethics and whatnot of what he did as Attorney General.

Ron's picture

E in MD @ 26:

What, Fox News isn't hiring?

Even at faux snooze the have to recall the talking points. You can't even be a pundit if you can't recall the talking points.

Erroll's picture

This post should be accompanied by The Silhouettes singing their 1957 hit Get A Job, with lyrics such as these:

After breakfast, everyday
She throws the want ads right my way
And never fails to say
Get a job

StirFry's picture

He's a Bushie, he'll survive. All he has to do is continue to give Bush and Cheney good ball-lickings and he'll get those blood-soaked kickbacks from this Iraq war that's going so well. I wanna see more than karma biting his ass..try a bite from a black mamba.

milquetoast's picture

NY Times said"He has had no full-time job since his resignation, and his principal income has come from giving a handful of talks at colleges and before private business groups."

I betcha Bush and his buddies are takin' care of him under the table (big time)

...fall guys always get taken care of...

gf120581's picture

If worse comes to worse, maybe once Bush leaves office, Gonzo can get a job as his official brush clearer at Crawford. Unfortunately, if he messes up there, he wouldn't be able to pass the buck onto subordinates. Maybe Barney.

AndrewK's picture

Gonzo is a mistrial waiting to happen.

slippy hussein toad's picture

gf120581 @ 19:

This is really embarassing, since usually law firms and lobbying groups will fall all over themselves to try and land a former AG (if nothing else so they can brag, "We've got a former ATTORNEY GENERAL on staff"). But this is Gonzo we're talking about, arguably the worst AG in recent memory, if not of all time, so one can understand why he's not getting showered with job offers. The only reason I could think of anyone hiring him is to curry favor with the Bush administration, but why would anyone bother when it'll be over in nine months? (And it's not like Obama or even McCain would exactly welcome Gonzo with open arms.)

When your credentials read "Torquemada" it may be less appealling to be a former AG.

Otay's picture

I have a job for him. It's a live-in position, where he builds team-building skills working alongside of a bunch of guys, in a creative position in metal-working (making vehicle identification placards). And for his own protection he will be surrounded by armed personnel.

Ruthless People's picture

Nothing on K Street? Isn't that where Republicans go when they are ousted from government?

Lollimom's picture

How about picking up garbage along interstate highways, dressed in an orange suit?

The f****r needs to pay for the crimes he committed while tearing up our Constitution and Bill of Rights.

Rasputin's picture

I also read that he is getting $30K per speaking engagement and he is pulling in close to $200K a year doing it.

Sooner or later... someone in "That party" is going to need a weasel and he'll get hired. That is why he needs to be impeached and there is a precedent for it. Congress actually took this action during the civil war and brought back a politician who had resigned to impeach him as a warning to others. If congress does that they can deny him his pension and also prohibit him from ever holding a post in another government job in future administrations.

John Dean at Findlaw wrote about the procedure:

The Belknap Precedent

Impeachment of Secretary of War William Belknap, in the aftermath of the Civil War, is the only precedent for using these proceedings against subordinate executive officers. Belknap was said to be involved in a kickback scheme involving military contracts. Just hours before the House was to vote to impeach him, Belknap resigned. Nonetheless, on March 2, 1876, the House impeached the former cabinet officer, and the five articles of impeachment were presented to the Senate.

The Senate trial lasted five months. (Today, such a trial would likely be handled by a trial committee of twelve senators, with a final debate and vote by the full Senate.) A central issue in the Belknap case was whether his resignation had terminated the jurisdiction of the Congress, and whether impeachment was still appropriate when his removal was no longer at issue. The Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, Representative J. Proctor Knott, who was trying the case before the Senate, explained the controversy as follows:

"Was the only purpose of this disqualification simply to preserve the Government from the danger to be apprehended from the single convicted criminal?" Knott rhetorically asked. "Very far from it, sir. That in reality constituted but a very small part of the design. The great object, after all, was that his infamy might be rendered conspicuous, historic, eternal, in order to prevent the occurrence of like offenses in the future. The purpose was not simply to harass, to persecute, to wantonly degrade, or take vengeance upon a single individual; but it was that other officials through all time might profit by his punishment, might be warned by his political ostracism, by the ever-lasting stigma fixed upon his name by the most august tribunal on earth, to avoid the dangers upon which he wrecked, and withstand the temptations under which he fell; to teach them that if they should fall under like temptations they will fall, like Lucifer, never to rise again."

By two votes, Belknap escaped conviction in the Senate. Had he not resigned, however, there is little question he would have been found guilty, removed and disqualified. Belknap's proceedings are a clear precedent for impeaching and disqualifying "civil officers," but the case has not resolved the issue of merely disqualifying an official who has resigned from holding future office.

http://writ.news.findlaw.com/dean/20061215.html

Too much damage to our system of government to allow any of these war criminals to simple go on their merry way. They have to be held accountable for their crimes if we are ever to restore faith in our government and prevent such lawlessness from ever happening again.

Roket's picture

I suppose war criminal doesn’t look good on a resume. I am surprised that no think tank has gobbled him up though. Perhaps they’re also having financial problems. One can only hope. Barring that, I wonder if Gonzo has tried JobRUs.com?

Annoyed Canuck's picture

What???

No 'Resident Scholar' gig at the American Enterprise Institute?

No cushy fellowship at the Cato Institute?

Not one of the well funded conservative think tanks has seen fit to provide their loyal lapdog with a fucking paycheque??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Olsonist's picture

I'm going to take a different view.

I think Gonzo will hold out for a year or so and then feel spurned his lack of success. He'll feel that he should have been taken care of. By comparison, Cheney is smarter than Bush and he took care of Libby. Bush in a scene from Richard the III will say

"I am not in the giving vein."

Jo's picture

Karma. If Karma were a dog it would rip his lying throat out.

Glen Tomkins's picture

Is this a pattern?

Are Rumsfeld and Powell, for example, also having problems finding malefactors of great wealth to shovel some of it their way? The more it is a consistent pattern, the more that suggests that the smart money is concerned over legal entanglements. The folks interested in their services would be mostly folks doing big bidness with the govt, and those folks would have to be worried that anything nice they do for BushCo people might be construed as the quid of a quid pro quo. If Gonzalez, and other lawyer types who have left the gummint, are seeing more of this reluctance to hire BuchCo alumni, that could be explained by the law firms likely to hire them being more conscious of legal risks than other malefactors of great wealth.

If there is such a pattern, it would mean that the smart money doesn't accept the conventional wisdom that BushCo will not face significant legal consequences after 1/20/09. Maybe they know something that we don't. Mens rea, I think the lawyers call it.

Otay's picture

Gonzo can't even get on Wingnut Welfare....

Pathetic.

slippy hussein toad's picture

Glen Tomkins @ 44:

Is this a pattern?

Are Rumsfeld and Powell, for example, also having problems finding malefactors of great wealth to shovel some of it their way? The more it is a consistent pattern, the more that suggests that the smart money is concerned over legal entanglements. The folks interested in their services would be mostly folks doing big bidness with the govt, and those folks would have to be worried that anything nice they do for BushCo people might be construed as the quid of a quid pro quo. If Gonzalez, and other lawyer types who have left the gummint, are seeing more of this reluctance to hire BuchCo alumni, that could be explained by the law firms likely to hire them being more conscious of legal risks than other malefactors of great wealth.

If there is such a pattern, it would mean that the smart money doesn't accept the conventional wisdom that BushCo will not face significant legal consequences after 1/20/09. Maybe they know something that we don't. Mens rea, I think the lawyers call it.

Let's hope so. I won't feel right until the cold gaze of Justice has alighted upon Mr. Gonzales and seen fit to put him in the public stocks where he can be spat viciously upon each day.

geneHUSSEIN214's picture

Wow, you mean he didn't even qualify for wingnut welfare?? Shit, ya think he would have at least been thrown a few appearances on FOX, filling in for their resident legal "expert" Judge Napolitano. This dude really is radioactive. Sucks to be him.

Numinous's picture

VJB @ 20:

On the plus side, he is able to spend more time with his family.

Considering the track record of republican politicians, I don't think keeping him around any family is a good idea.

Check out: Republicanoffenders.com

Those guys are sick.

Also, when you get a chance, check out The Authoritarians, by Bob Altemeyer.

It'll give you a good idea of what a right wing authoritarian is thinking.

It's not good, let me tell you.

geneHUSSEIN214's picture

Annoyed Canuck @ 41:

What???

No 'Resident Scholar' gig at the American Enterprise Institute?

No cushy fellowship at the Cato Institute?

Not one of the well funded conservative think tanks has seen fit to provide their loyal lapdog with a fucking paycheque??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the GOP throws you under the bus, they REALLY throw you under the bus. In fact, in Gonzo's case, they not only threw him under the bus, they backed that sucker up and ran over him again.

Capt. Bat Hussein Guano's picture

Oh c'mon Fredo, there's always personal injury cases out there.
Once a weasel, always a weasel.

uncle joe hussein mccarthy's picture

dont worry about fredo, his payoff comes when bush leaves office

anyway those "handful" of speaking engagements are paying pretty well...i believe around the range of 40k a pop

but no law firm in their right mind would ever hire him

watch for him to pop up as an analyst on fox

Plug's picture

not even Larry H. Parker?

Fritz's picture

I think I saw Gonzo a few days ago crammed into the cabin of an old beat up pickup with 5 or 6 other guys toting a trailer full of shovels, rakes and lawnmowers.

MarinatedInSmog's picture

What the idiot doesn't seem to be aware of is that he's won the title, "Most Likely To Be Disbarred'. An honor that Scooter once had. No law firm wants to deal with that.

MacDaKnife's picture

The first time I saw him, I was shocked. I was expecting someone like a Poncho Villa in a three-piece suit. Instead, out walks this twerp with a voice like a cross between Michael Jackson and Phyllis Diller. Initially I wondered, "Who in the hell would hire this guy and later promote him to attorney general?" The answer became clearer with each question in his testimony. If you were looking for someone who would allow themselves to be totally loyal, and be ridiculed by the rest of the world, you need look no further than Gonzales. I have to admit, he did a masterful job of deflecting the blame from Bush to himself, and yet failed to 'recall' any wrong-doing.

lost_nacf_gop's picture

I can see Gonzo's fiz plastered on Buses and bus benches, "if your injured in an accident, call 1 800 GONZ 4 DoH!"

Perfect.

Maybe the DICK can toss him a few of his 3.9 million sheckels from last year alone! Evil pricks.

joeedugan's picture

He would make an excellent mob lawyer.

Ron's picture

Fritz @ 53:

I think I saw Gonzo a few days ago crammed into the cabin of an old beat up pickup with 5 or 6 other guys toting a trailer full of shovels, rakes and lawnmowers.

I saw the same bunch of guys. I asked the one if he was Gonzo and he told me that Gonzo applied for a job but they wouldn't hire him.

bmw H. 528's picture

Otay @ 36:

I have a job for him. It's a live-in position, where he builds team-building skills working alongside of a bunch of guys, in a creative position in metal-working (making vehicle identification placards). And for his own protection he will be surrounded by armed personnel.

And better yet, he'll be issued striped designer clothing with a uniquely assigned serial number at company expense. And let's not forget the company issued three daily lunches in lieu of meal per diem expense and the indefinite not so temporary living benefit, again, all at company expense.

Mark's picture

Dick Cheney will hire him as the pool boy at the Cheney retreat in Shoot 'Em Up, Texas.

MarinatedInSmog's picture

He needs to ask the right guy to hire him: OJ Simpson comes to mind.

Capt. Bat Hussein Guano's picture

joeedugan @ 57:

He would make an excellent mob lawyer.

He "would" make an excellent mob lawyer? No offense, but wasn't that what he was before Bush let him go?

Ron's picture

MarinatedInSmog @ 61:

He needs to ask the right guy to hire him: OJ Simpson comes to mind.

Uhh! I think O.J. wants to stay out of jail.

Doofus's picture

Alberto, if you're reading this, I need someone to cut my grass and muck out my stalls. Call me, man!

Capt. Bat Hussein Guano's picture

bmw H. 528 @ 59:

Otay @ 36:

I have a job for him. It's a live-in position, where he builds team-building skills working alongside of a bunch of guys, in a creative position in metal-working (making vehicle identification placards). And for his own protection he will be surrounded by armed personnel.

And better yet, he'll be issued striped designer clothing with a uniquely assigned serial number at company expense. And let's not forget the company issued three daily lunches in lieu of meal per diem expense and the indefinite not so temporary living benefit, again, all at company expense.

And don't forget the companionship, like Charlie Manson said at his sentencing, "I can get all the sex I need in prison, do you know what I mean, do you know what I mean?

Den's picture

Gee, imagine that. He spends a few years demonstrating to the entire country that he's a terrible lawyer and suddenly, no law firm wants anything to do with him.

I'm starting to believe in karma again.

Kevin Foster's picture

He might get a job making little rocks out of big ones soon enough.

MarinatedInSmog's picture

Ron @ 63:

MarinatedInSmog @ 61:

He needs to ask the right guy to hire him: OJ Simpson comes to mind.

Uhh! I think O.J. wants to stay out of jail.

How many times has he kept bush out of jail?

And Bush has killed a hell of a lot more people and committed more crimes than OJ ever could.

JohnMcCainLovesViagra's picture

Wal Mart's always hiring...

geneHUSSEIN214's picture

marinatedinsmog@61

He needs to ask the right guy to hire him: OJ Simpson comes to mind.

OJ already turned him down.

geneHUSSEIN214's picture

It's my understanding that Gonzo's been trying to get a gig with some big name personal injury firms. Jacoby and Myers was interested until Gonzo started insisting he wanted to be a full partner in the firm. They turned him down, stating that, unfortunately, the name Jacoby, Myers, and Torquemada just didn't quite have the same ring to it.

Juan's picture

I'm certain he can find a job scooping up shit as a local animal shelter somewhere! He's certainly qualified for it, considering he's full of it!

Che Guevara IV's picture

We are witnessing the GOP Rapture in Slow Motion. Whats the future of a Republican Party when John McCain can't raise a dime, Fox News is not believed, Rumsfeld, John Yoo and Addington will likely face War Crimes outside the US and now Bush's head lawyer at DoJ, a man who kept him out of the US Penitentiary at Leavenworth, Kansas after Jan 2009 now cannot find refuge amongst scum GOP kin in Washington, DC. Maybe if he was a white guy...

joeedugan's picture

Capt. Bat@62: I thought that Gonzalez's experience as White House council and Attorney General might have given him experience that could be used in work as a mob lawyer. I strongly disagree with your position that the George W. Bush Administration is equivalent to the mob. Mafia members, after all, live by an ethical code.

joeedugan @ 74:

I strongly disagree with your position that the George W. Bush Administration is equivalent to the mob. Mafia members, after all, live by an ethical code.

The Mafia usually doesn't go after people's wives like they did with Joe Wilson.

tyree's picture

actually gonzo is sceduled to go on duty in 45 minutes at the norfolk naval shipyards handing out condoms and pro kits at the higene for sailors station!!!what a guy!

joeedugan's picture

Juan @ 72:

I'm certain he can find a job scooping up shit as a local animal shelter somewhere! He's certainly qualified for it, considering he's full of it!

What have you got against animals?

joeedugan's picture

JohnMcCainLovesViagra @ 75:

joeedugan @ 74:

I strongly disagree with your position that the George W. Bush Administration is equivalent to the mob. Mafia members, after all, live by an ethical code.

The Mafia usually doesn't go after people's wives like they did with Joe Wilson.

The Mafia usually tries to hide the fact that they are criminals.

JohnMcCainLovesViagra's picture

joeedugan @ 77:

What have you got against animals?

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I wouldn't let my pets anywhere near them. Besides, Dick Cheney might try to shoot them...

♣Bangkok Bob♠'s picture

Anyone who has served with (b)ush should and hopefully WILL be scorned and treated like the traitors they have been shown to be.

louise's picture

No, this story has it all wrong ....

Gonzo has had plenty of job offers ... it's just that he can't recall them ....

VegasRage's picture

ROLMAO! There is justice in the world after all.

CowboyBob in Austin's picture

If karma were Gonzo's parrot... it would say only, "I don't recall."

wideeyedfedup's picture

"On the plus side, he is able to spend more time with his family." - In that case, say a prayer for his family!

c. atrox's picture

They might need a dog catcher in Lubbock.

sassafra's picture

i am sincerely thinking that gonzo's troubles are being watched by others leaving the administration. here's hoping that at least to some degree those others that caused such maleficence in the government will also find it hard in the private sector.
perhaps in the end they'll all turn on each other in a mutual of omahaesque display of eating ones own young.

joeedugan's picture

Being too much of a sleaze-bag for the Conservative Movement...

It's kind of like the guy who was kicked out of Guns 'n' Roses for partying to hard...

JM's picture

Alberto "If you remember the GW Bush Administration, you weren't part of the GW Bush Administration" Gonzales

Da Spyda's picture

Find A Job?

Gonzo's so incompetent he couldn't find a blowjob in a freakin' whorehouse.

Da Spyda's picture

Find a job?

Gonzo's so incompetent...... he couldn't find a blowjob in a whorehouse.

Captain Kangaroo's picture

This guy is STUPID. I have always said it. Look at his testimony before congress. Fucking retard (not that there is anything wrong with the handicapped).

JM's picture

JM @ 88:

Alberto "If you remember the GW Bush Administration, you weren't part of the GW Bush Administration" Gonzales

I mean seriously, how much of these 8 tragic years do you think Dubya will remember? I think he'll remember very little, what with all the drugs and all they are feeding him. How could he live with himself if he was truly aware of what is going on??

Captain Kangaroo's picture

meh @ 14:

Don't worry, he'll probably be hired on by FoxNuze as their "legal expert" after January so he could talk about how he used to run the DoJ differently.

Brian and the judge and the dipshit.

mystic's picture

On a serious note, this man hath wrought the most profound shame and dishonor to the Hispanic community.

Captain Kangaroo's picture

Fritz @ 53:

I think I saw Gonzo a few days ago crammed into the cabin of an old beat up pickup with 5 or 6 other guys toting a trailer full of shovels, rakes and lawnmowers.

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time... at least tody.
lol

Tim in Japan's picture

If mr. gonzales is having a hard time finding work, I suggest he try the following. I hear they are hiring:

www.goarmy.com/

P.S. when offered job choices, I recommend the following:

1) infantry
2) infantry
3) infantry

JM's picture

mystic @ 93:

On a serious note, this man hath wrought the most profound shame and dishonor to the Hispanic community.

Spot on comment!!

Captain Kangaroo's picture

Mark @ 60:

Dick Cheney will hire him as the pool boy at the Cheney retreat in Shoot 'Em Up, Texas.

Fuck that. Cheney is heading straight to Qatar after his last day in office. Probably a couple days early just to be sure he isn't picked up at the airport on the newly updated no-fly list that the Obama crew will have in motion minutes after he is sworn in. but not to worry. Dick will need a pool man in Qatar. Ganzo will be on the plane with Dick discussing chlorine.

Otay's picture

Well, since Obama is between jobs, how about we send him on a trip to Europe? Don't worry, Gonzo, we won't let the Hague know anything about your trip...

Dennis's picture

Law firms may not want him, but apparently he's the best replacement for Derek Jeter.

SadButTrue's picture

C'mon your resume says that you led a large organization without knowing a damn thing that went on during your tenure. Or not that you can recall anyway. I mean really, how many help wanted ads have you ever seen that were seeking a qualified and experienced amnesiac?

It passes neither the laugh test nor the smell test.

it's gotta be awful when someone hires doug feith and not you! I'm surprised he hasn't been disbarred.

SadButTrue @ 100:

C'mon your resume says that you led a large organization without knowing a damn thing that went on during your tenure. Or not that you can recall anyway. I mean really, how many help wanted ads have you ever seen that were seeking a qualified and experienced amnesiac?

It passes neither the laugh test nor the smell test.

Sorry! It does pass the laugh test.

JM @ 96:

mystic @ 93:

On a serious note, this man hath wrought the most profound shame and dishonor to the Hispanic community.

Spot on comment!!

justy like clarence thomas to the black community.

Captain Kangaroo's picture

CoIntelPro against all things repug! @ 103:

JM @ 96:

mystic @ 93:

On a serious note, this man hath wrought the most profound shame and dishonor to the Hispanic community.

Spot on comment!!

justy like clarence thomas to the black community.

Oh god. Please don't let another Supreme Court Justice retire int he next few months.

forge's picture

Who the hell wants a lawyer who can't remember anything?

= )

Derek's picture

This just gives him more time to work on the world's shortest autobiography:

"I Don't Recall - The Career of Fredo Gonzales"

xargaw's picture

His reputation is destroyed because he was exposed as a below average legal mind, someone that does not tell the truth, and someone that does not respect the law. There is not much of a market for attorneys with those attributes. He also chose loyalty to a friend over his country.

Matt Hussein in Texas's picture

Captain Kangaroo @ 105:

CoIntelPro against all things repug! @ 103:

JM @ 96:

mystic @ 93:

Spot on comment!!

justy like clarence thomas to the black community.

Oh god. Please don't let another Supreme Court Justice retire int he next few months.

Oh, shit, I hadn't even thought of that! Maybe with a little luck, Thomas and Scalia will get in a car accident on Jan.21, 2009...........

Fritz's picture

The thing that should scare the hell out everyone is that the bush administration is still packed full of incompetent idiots just like Gonzo. The only thing George Bush and this administration do well is actively seek out and recruit those with the highest level of incompetency.

Abbybwood's picture

MarinatedInSmog @ 61:

He needs to ask the right guy to hire him: OJ Simpson comes to mind.

If there is no one in Congress who has the guts to go after Gonzales and the rest of the crew at the very least I hope they will all be afraid to travel abroad for fear of being arrested and tried as war criminals and that the entire world will shun them just like they do O.J.

Reminds me of the lyrics from a Dylan song:

Sometimes I think this world
Is one big prison yard.
Some of us are prisoners,
The rest of us are guards
.

joeedugan's picture

Since he's got the free time, it might be in his interest to do some legal research on extradition treaties.

Mr Squirrel's picture

Karma, my ass...he'll get his reward for taking it on the chin for little george, sooner or later. They'll just quietly put him on the boards of a few major corporations, with a nice salary for doing nothing. Or something of the sort.

fastfeat's picture

Steve E @ 6:

Don`t fret this one. This guy knows way to much for his own good. If I were him I wouldn`t be taking any late night dips in the pool.

Alberto can use my pool. Got my blender plugged in, with a frayed extension cord, sitting on the diving board. He's just got to bring his own margarita mix...

nirak's picture

Maybe he could be my gardener? Little pay, but I give him some dry bread and water every now and then.

fastfeat's picture

With all respect due to the late, great Warren Zevon: I'll just take the guns and money. You can keep the lawyer.

McCain the Liar's picture

He should be tried for perjury. He lied while under oath to congress.

James M. Martin's picture

"Alberto R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult it can be to find a new job."

Ridiculous! I know of dozens of municipalities that would be happy to hire him on as a traffic ticket prosecutor in their municipal courts. He wouldn't make but about $40K a year salary, but just think of all the money he could take under the table for "fixing" tickets! That would be right up his alley. He's already proven how adept he is at lying, swindling, dishonoring the profession, and general malfeasance of office.

Klaus von Schnitzel's picture

Two types of response here.
- Vilification/scorn
- Hopeful remarks on indictments

Who do you suppose will bring such an idictment?
a) The current crop of Dem wussbags, or
b) 90 million lefties too busy at their computers heaping scorn on Gonzo to actually lift a finger to get anything done?

It's a serious question. Libs are prone to inaction. It takes more than complaining to indict evil people. After seven years of hostile blogging which has gotten you nowhere, you'd think you'd catch on.

So... my guess is nothing will happen to him.

Quint's picture

WEASEL.

Paul's Bunions's picture

Oh gee, give the guy a brake; he just forgot to put stamps on all the résumés he mailed out! Ya that’s right. HAHAHAHAHA

Bill's picture

Of course he can't find a job. He's never had a job that Bush didn't give him.

fastfeat's picture

Captain Kangaroo @ 95:

Fritz @ 53:

I think I saw Gonzo a few days ago crammed into the cabin of an old beat up pickup with 5 or 6 other guys toting a trailer full of shovels, rakes and lawnmowers.

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time... at least tody.
lol

Try this for laughs:

http://tinyurl.com/6zm684

futt the wuck's picture

Well....Taco Bell is hiring, but I don't think they can handle....

"Yo quiero......I don't recall."

Sneer's picture

C'mon Gonzo. Burger King and MacDonald's always are hiring!

How about making him a sanitation man in New Orleans?

Mark in Ohio's picture

Perhaps he could get a job being spat on by outraged citizens. I'd pay $5 or $6 myself for the privilege!

Paul's picture

He looks more than qualified to run a lisence plate stamping machine.

Widespread's picture

Mmm, schadenfreude. Glad to hear it. But how come John Yoo gets a cush job at Stanford? What he did is as harmful and dangerous as what Gonzo did.

Paul's picture

You know, the next president will have full authority (thanks in part to Gonzo's malignant official interpretations of the Constitution, through precedent, through unchallenged executive orders and by tacit Extreme court approval of unConstitutional recently enacted statutes), to kidnap him from wherever they find him and to further rendition his ass to wherever he/she wants, including the Hague. And, there isn't a fucking thing he can say about it. If there is any justice in this world, this will happen - not only to him, but to all the other war criminal and criminals against humanity who, in whole, make up the Bush regime.

ysbaddaden's picture

He could always get a job in construction or burger flipping, but might find it diffiicult since no one there speaks English.

jnratliff's picture

I hope the sob has to pick fruits and vegitables to survive!

Dr. Acula's picture

He can mow my lawn.

geneHUSSEIN214's picture

Sneer @ 125:

C'mon Gonzo. Burger King and MacDonald's always are hiring!

What, with his bad memory he'd be constantly fucking up peoples' orders. If I were a Mickey D's or Burger King manager, I certainly would think twice before giving him a job.

Amitola's picture

A longtime loyalist to George W. Bush dating to their years together in Texas

Dating??? Alfie and Dubya were dating??!!?? I knew it!!

ysbaddaden's picture

Here's a phrase gonzo needs to learn:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8sZ1DWsAHE

BobInSanDiego's picture

His job should be in prison making license plates!!

RickinSF's picture

To bad he's Latino, otherwise there'd be a desk waiting for him at the Heritage Foundation.

Lucius Sergius Catilina's picture

It would be only fair if all of those clowns were forever unemployable – Doug Feith, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Pearl, John Yoo, Monica Goodling, Karl Rove, Rummy, Tony Snow, John Bolton, et al.

Widespread's picture

Widespread @ 129:

Mmm, schadenfreude. Glad to hear it. But how come John Yoo gets a cush job at Stanford?

Oops, turns out Yoo is at Berkeley, not Stanford. In my mind he will forever be the lunatic who said the president has a right to crush children's testicles, so long as we're at war.

Bercebu's picture

He is fit to work for Obama.

DUNCAN's picture

Mr. Gonzo should write a book about all of his illegal activities with the Bush administration.

ysbaddaden's picture

Gonzo could be a shoe-shine boy.

The only requirement is the ability to know s**t from Shinola.

ysbaddaden's picture

Nice to see karma biting him on the ass, though, isn’t it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKxtVRz-6cA

angryrat's picture

JohnMcCainLovesViagra @ 75:

joeedugan @ 74:

I strongly disagree with your position that the George W. Bush Administration is equivalent to the mob. Mafia members, after all, live by an ethical code.

The Mafia usually doesn't go after people's wives like they did with Joe Wilson.

I never thought that apart from the usual jokes there will be a time when I hold mobsters to greater respect than the prez.

About Gonzo: it's kind of sad. He climbed out of proverty, got high up into the system, and blew it all by licking the wrong boot. Had me made a stand, and had a backbone, he might have had to leave office sooner (inevitable either way), but he'd have a future, he'd be the hero and the role model. I hope he'll burn in hell, though, along with his masters.

storky's picture

He could hire himself out as a Corporate Scapegoat. He'd draw a day's salary, accept blame for all that is wrong with the company, get fired then move on to another company.

Jack Damage's picture

Gonzo can't get a job.... boo frickin hoo Al..... Guess that first Hispanic-American to serve on the Supreme Court thing ain't gonna work out after all either...Double boo frikin hoo slick... Maybe your 'lifelong' buddy can hook you up with somethin down on the ranch... How do you feel about career changes and opportunities in clearin brush???? heheh.....JD

Marnie's picture

I saw this first on HuffPost, so I have already vented.

However, one reason no law firm wants hims is the publicity that he would attract, if he were involved in any important case.
A judge is likely to really hate a media circus involving one of the lawyers, and would likely take it out on the lawyer or law firm.

So:

Maybe one way to help keep the Bushies in some level of pain is to continue to keep their whereabouts before the public so that we know and can react to the businesses that hire these Nazis. If the public attention is loud and negative enough maybe they these guys will be forced out the back door.

They will still get rich though sad to say.

gemHusseinpei's picture

I may not have been the only one saying this, but
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.........

Dr. Acula's picture

ysbaddaden @ 143:

Gonzo could be a shoe-shine boy.

The only requirement is the ability to know s**t from Shinola.

Well then I guess he's not qualified!

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