Late Nite Music Club With Colbie Caillat

Colbie Caillets single, "Try," addresses the pressure felt by all women to look perfect at the expense of liking themselves as they are. The song is featured on her current album, "Gypsy Heart."

July 15th is a special day for me. It’s exactly one year since my last chemotherapy, and one year ago I was bald, gaunt, sick, exhausted - feeling anything but beautiful. One year on, when I look in the mirror, the person I was before cancer is gone and I struggle with getting used to who I am now. I have hair again - grey, curly, short. My body is puffy, a souvenir of steroids, and I have lines on my face that weren’t there just a couple years ago. There are other subtle losses, too - when my partner looks at me, his eyes don’t light up in delight the way they did the first time he saw me, because then I had beautiful long blonde hair, and was thinner, and had more energy than a hydroelectric power plant. For a long time, I’ve felt like I lost…. me.

Colbie Caillat’s song, Try, resonated with me - particularly at the 1:30 mark. It’s not about cancer, it’s about every woman being beautiful as themselves, without the make-up, the false lashes, the hair extensions. Without the unrealistic photoshopped beauty no one can ever live up to. And I’m learning to let go of what I used to be and recognise there are gains - my last blood test came back with as perfect a result as I could hope for, the cancer is gone. Every day that I can do something that I couldn’t do a week ago I celebrate, small victories have a special relish to them. And my partner looks at me now with an expression I didn’t see when we first met - with a relaxed, deep love that you only find over time.

So when I take my make up off, let what little hair I have down, take a breath and look into the mirror, at myself… I really don’t have to try so hard to like me.


About nonny mouse

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Grumpy left-wing ex-pat foodie living in the Taranaki, New Zealand. Love grilled tarahiki, raw Bluff oysters on the half-shell, green-lipped mussels in cream sauce, hoggett kababs, roasted kumara, fresh feijoa pavlova, and chilled Marlborough Pinot Gris. Hate Vegemite. Not too sure about huhu grubs...

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