I assume most people know what happened to Anthony Weiner. But if not, here's a soliloquy that summarizes the rise and fall of this bizarre politician.
Anthony Weiner's sexting soliloquy!
He entered Washington a brash and intellectual fellow
His six pack abs anything but jello.
He rose high and mighty through the ranks of Congress
Proclaiming himself a man ever since the day of his bris.
Anthony's political rise seemed all too certain
During the day, he was a workin'.
But at night with the ladies he was lookin' to score.
Because who doesn't want a guy who looks like Pauly Shore.
Once he married the beauty Huma Abedin
It seemed he'd learned in his pants to keep it in.
She thought she married Weiner but he was also a stranger
Because in the blue light of a text message he was Carlos Danger.
Anthony would be the first to say and think
That there was no way that his shit could ever stink.
But that technology is one hell of a doozy
He sent photos of weiners to one too many floozies.
Along came a man named Andrew Breitbart
A conservative who most agree never had a heart.
But say what you will, turns out he was true,
Weiner's been texting and tweeting with balls super blue.
Not one, not two but 10 women at a time
Were all getting 140 characters of Weiner rhymes.
With pics of his abs his face and his penis,
Weiner believed he was sending the male Venus.
Weird and fetish-y, it absolutely was
But his lying to America created the buzz
Fired from Congress, yucky to all
He somehow believed that he still couldn't fall
The Mayor of New York, I'm destined he cried
And Democrats stupidly seemed to oblige
Of all the women, Sydney Leathers he chose
She was just 23 and thus his weiner rose.
But election day has come and passed
And we all know he's still such an ass
There's only one thing left to do here
Let's leave it to the words of William Shakespeare
Never was there a story of more woe
Than that of Anthony Weiner and his many ho
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