Here's some sage advice for the ladies from that brave defender of traditional marriage, Pat Robertson. Ladies, if your man cheats on you, try harder! Clearly you haven't made your home "so wonderful that he doesn't want to wander." Yeah, I doubt that the wandering had much to do with the home, quite frankly. Uncle Pat, so full of sage advice, also informed the woman that it was too bad, but after all, "he's a man." Oooh, manly thing, breaking commitments and cheating on your wife. Yes, very, very manly.

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On today’s 700 Club, Robertson told a woman whose husband was cheating on her that she should stop focusing on the adultery and instead ponder, “Does he provide a home for you to live in, does he provide food for you to eat, does he provide clothes for you to wear, is he nice to the children…is he handsome?”

Well, there you go. You know, those girls held hostage in Cincinnati were probably fed and clothed in some fashion and the guy did have them in the house, so there was that. He wasn't very handsome, though.

So all women could hope to expect was food, clothing, kindness to children and a handsome face -- in exchange for working their tails off making sure he was always so satisfied his eye wouldn't wander!

I guess General Petraeus' wife knew, since that was Robertson's reason for shrugging his affair off, too. I wish that woman had told Robertson her husband had a gay affair, just to see what his reaction would have been.

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Pat Robertson, Pope of the Televangelists, is joining with the crackpot theories of Alex Jones that warns Americans the feds are out to get us, just like he did during his Clinton 'black helicopter' days.

Robertson: Long trains full of armored vehicles, personnel carriers with armor, what are they for, the army going into battle against the enemy? They're used by Homeland Security against us,” Robertson ominously warned. “Imagine what Homeland Security is doing is just awful and we’re going to talk about how much ammunition they’re stockpiling: who are they going to shoot, us?

David Edwards:

The same theories have also been picked up in recent weeks by the Fox News Channel and the Fox Business Network.

And on Thursday, Robertson weighed in on the side of the conspiracy theorists, calling it “like something out of science fiction: long trains of full or armored vehicles, personnel carriers with armor.”

And then of course we have to debunk these fictitious reports since it is possible that it could enter the mainstream.

The conspiracy about secretive ammo stockpiling is completely unfounded.

According to the Associated Press, the ammunition is used in trainings for “tens of thousands of federal law enforcement officers” and for the use of the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency.As Media Matters pointed out, DHS does own light armored vehicles for emergencies and raids on drug cartels, and the recent purchases of such vehicles were actually for the U.S. Marine Corps.

In fact, the conspiracy theory is so baseless that even the NRA has debunked it.

So now we have the religious right joining forces with Alex Jones and the militiamen of America to propagate lies so bad that Joel Surnow wouldn't even touch it. Oh, damn. I hope I haven't given him an idea for a new "24" movie.

In just their latest failed effort to peel away supporters from one of the Democratic Party's most reliable constituencies, Republicans in 2012 still lost among Jewish voters by over a 2-1 margin. The reasons for the GOP's consistently dismal performance are no mystery. Survey data show that Jewish Americans overwhelmingly reject the Republicans' reactionary social policies and mockery of education and science. Worse still, many of the right's hardline supporters of Israel see God's chosen people as biblical cannon fodder needed to fulfill End Times prophecy. And then, as Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) showed this week, Republicans routinely compare Democratic positions on guns, education, health, taxes, the debt--and almost everything else--to the Holocaust.

During a speech Tuesday to the National Association of Independent Colleges and Universities, the North Carolina Republican appropriated the famous Holocaust maxim to protest federal regulation of for-profit colleges. As Inside Higher Ed reported, Foxx complained that private institutions should have joined in their defense:

"'They came for the for-profits, and I didn't speak up'...Nobody really spoke up like they should have."

For her part, Foxx was only following in the footsteps of her GOP colleague, Rep. Roscoe Bartlett of Maryland (video above). Federal student loans, he cautioned last fall, weren't merely unconstitutional, but the first step to the gas chambers:

"If you can ignore the Constitution to do something good today, tomorrow you will be ignoring the Constitution to do something bad...The Holocaust that occurred in Germany -- how in the heck could that happen? And when you start down the wrong road, it can be a very slippery slope."

Virginia Foxx's previous claim to fame was her high-profile role in propagating the "death panels" slander of the Affordable Care Act that became Politifact's 2009 Lie of the Year. Democratic health care reform, she warned, will "put seniors in a position of being put to death by their government."

And that, some Republicans suggest, makes Obamacare little different from the Holocaust. State exchanges helping to enable 30 million people in the United States to obtain insurance, Idaho state senator Sheryl Nuxoll darkly warned last week, are the equivalent of a final solution for health care:

"The insurance companies are creating their own tombs. Much like the Jews boarding the trains to concentration camps, private insurers are used by the feds to put the system in place because the federal government has no way to set up the exchange."

As it turns out, she's far from alone in crying Holocaust over health care reform. In Maryland, the Republican Women of Anne Arundel County explained four years ago that "Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common." Last summer, Maine Republican Governor Paul LePage reacted to the Supreme Court's ruling upholding Obamacare:

"We the people have been told there is no choice. You must buy health insurance or pay the new Gestapo -- the IRS."

LePage was not the first Republican to compare the Internal Revenue Service to the Hitler's henchman. During the GOP's successful crusade to gut the agency in the late 1990's, Mississippi Senator Trent Lott decried the IRS' "Gestapo-like tactics" while Alaska's Frank Murkowski protested, "You don't need to send in armed personnel in flak jackets."

Michele Bachmann and Mike Huckabee couldn't agree more.

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Is it possible? Can it be that the Religous Right has gone so far over the edge in promoting ignorance and distrust of facts and science that some of its biggest perpetrators are feeling a little guilty and are trying to walk it back just a bit?

On Tuesday’s 700 Club, a viewer wrote [televangelist Pat] Robertson that her “biggest fear is to not have my children and husband next to me in God’s Kingdom” because they question why the Bible could not explain the existence of dinosaurs.

“Look, I know that people will probably try to lynch me when I say this, but Bishop [James] Ussher wasn’t inspired by the Lord when he said that it all took 6,000 years,” the TV preacher explained. “It just didn’t. You go back in time, you’ve got radiocarbon dating. You got all these things and you’ve got the caucuses of dinosaurs frozen in time out in the Dakotas.”

“They’re out there,” he continued. “So, there was a time when these giant reptiles were on the Earth and it was before the time of the Bible. So, don’t try and cover it up and make like everything was 6,000 years. That’s not the Bible.”

“If you fight science, you’re going to lose your children, and I believe in telling it the way it was.

Excuse me for a second while I pick my jaw off the ground. Maybe because I never traveled in evangelical circles, I had honestly never heard the whole "the Earth is 6,000 years old and Jesus rode on dinosaurs" notion until about 20 years ago, and then suddenly I heard it everywhere. It was difficult to understand how so many people could deny the vast array of evidence in front of them like a badge of honor. The whole Creation Museum outside Louisville, Kentucky, was promoted by Robertson's CBN network when it opened was predicated on this very notion.

It's an amazing thing to hear Pat Robertson actually advising a follower to not fight science.

Via Media Matters:

Robertson: ...Now with medicine and nutrition in our society people are living a great deal longer and consequently they should be working longer and they should not begin retirement age at 65 or 66, we should push that retirement age up to 70 or 72 and it’s not going to hurt anybody. People really like to work they don’t want to sit around----there’s nothing worse than sitting around in a rocking chair, who needs that.

Yea Pat, you go support your beloved GOP's agenda with plans to work people into their graves. It's easy picking up a shovel or unloading boxes for UPS when you're sixty nine with arthritis. What does he care? He's worth millions of dollars, but talking on TV is a big strain on the back I'm told. Let me ask you, Pat. What jobs will be available to seventy-two year olds?

This man represents religion in America? Maybe he's hoping that if grandma does continue to work she'll keep the donation checks coming.

The mind reels. I really miss the days when racists attempted to hide their ignorance and bigotry.

Condoleezza Rice was interviewed by 700 Club correspondent Kristi Watts, who finished her interview with a softball on the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. When Rice proclaimed her favorite Thanksgiving dish to be mac and cheese, Watts immediately bonded with her fellow carb lover. But that choice just befuddled founder and host Pat Robertson, who asked Watts, "What is this 'mac and cheese'? Is that a black thing?"

To be charitable (and it's the holidays, so let's try), it's unclear to me if Robertson is completely unfamiliar with the dish itself, or the concept of serving it for Thanksgiving. It's say the chances are about 50/50 either way, but Robertson himself is no stranger to the befuddling or just plain hateful statements either.

Today's daily dose of wingnuttery was so rich I hardly know where to begin, so I'll just dive in. We begin with Pat Robertson, who is very, very worried about President Obama's visit to Indonesia.

Via Right Wing Watch:

Robertson: You know Lee the thing that somehow concerns me, they say he’s going back to the place that he spent his childhood, he spent four years in Indonesia, I don’t know if he was trained in a madrassa, one of those Muslim schools, but nevertheless that is his inclination. His father was a Kenyan socialist and he talks about the roots of his father. So he’s got an African and an Indonesian background. I don’t know what his mother was doing; she just sort of flitted around. But nevertheless, this may give him a warped perspective of what needs to be done to make America the greatest nation on earth.

Yes, of course. The President is going back to the country where he spent a few childhood years. Funny how Robertson never thinks about whether those childhood years were as great as he thinks they were, because you know, every 9-year old looks back with fondness on local children pelting him with rocks for being a black guy, after all.

Pat Robertson, king of the smarmy insinuation, pandering to the Christian loyalists waiting to lap it all up.

Then we have Rick Perry sounding the dog whistle for the faithful with this, via TalkingPointsMemo:

Rick Perry says President Obama, the son of a teen mother who frequently was absent from his life and often was stretched financially, grew up the easy way. It’s the latest in a series of winks at conspiracy-minded conservatives deeply suspicious about the president’s background.

Perry’s comments came as he discussed his new ad attacking Obama for saying US policymakers have grown “lazy” about honing America’s competitive edge, a comment that Republicans have inaccurately suggested was aimed at American workers. Asked by FOX News host Sean Hannity about the spot, Perry launched into a highly personal attack on Obama.

“It reveals to me that he grew up in a privileged way,” he said. “He never had to really work for anything.”

He added that “we need a president who has been through their ups and downs in life, and understands what it’s like to have to deal with the issues in our economy that we have today in America.”

Why that dirty, lowdown, food-stamp sucking President! Rick Perry's going to set the record straight about him, because you know, those poor folks just don't ever work for anything. They just wait for the government to hand it to them, right?

Finally, we have Andrew Breitbart's Big Hollywood editor-in-chief, John Nolte spewing a series of tweets hoping for violence against OWS protesters.

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Whether he's issuing Fatwahs on South American leaders, blaming natural disasters on reproductive rights, or claiming he can leg press 2,000 pounds with the aid of his eponymous "age-defying" protein shake, Pat Robertson never makes sense.

Well, with a big h/t to Right Wing Watch, I've learned to never say never:

Answering a 700 Club caller's question, Robertson says, “Halloween is Satan’s night, it’s the night for the devil. It’s All Hallow’s Eve but it's time when witches and goblins--”

Preach, Brother! Preach! Halloween has its roots in pagan traditions predating Christianity. Just like Easter. It's, therefor, under the sway of dark and nougaty forces. Just like Easter.

Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network has warned us about the evils of Halloween before. In a now-expunged article from '09, writer Kimberly Daniels reported that “most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.”

Of course! How else do you explain those talking M&Ms? I pretended to email Mars, Incorporated about this, and I pretended they answered by sending me a shrunken head in the mail. And all this time, you thought Mars, Inc. was only evil because they use child labor in Africa.

Wait a minute...Côte d'Ivoire produces roughly 43 percent of the world's cocoa; 95 percent of people in that Sub-Saharan Republic personally believe in witchcraft; Robertson staunchly defended their illegitimate, Christian President/Thug Laurent Gbagbo...this is all making a lot of sense, in a very convoluted Da Vinci Code sort of way.

According to Daniels, "Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.” That's why I make my own chocolate with my own African kids.

In CBN's most recent spiritual assault on Satan's Night Halloween, Robertson adds, “It's skeletons and all this, like the dead rising. Churches shouldn’t do that, you should do something else besides having a haunted house.”

He's so right; the only haunted houses churches should be involved with are hell houses – the often graphic and horrifying vignettes depicting the sins of abortion, alcohol and drug use, suicide, and teh gay. You know, for the kids.

And churches should definitely have nothing to do with walking skeletons. There's simply nothing less Christian than the risen dead.

Murphy is the evil editor of The BEAST. If you follow him on Twitter, he might start using it.

We'll call this "The Full Gingrich." Yes, love, honor, obey - and ditch when they get sick.

Finally Pat Robertson has come out on the side of the suffering - just like Christ. Those suffering with having a wife who's no longer up to snuff.

Asked what a man should do whose wife has Alzheimer's, an increasingly decrepit Pat Robertson says, "I know it sounds cruel but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over."

In a week of Republicans cheering for record executions and wooing for the uninsured to drop dead - does this even get a blip on our disgust radar?

In a word: YES. This dude is twisted. If a secular humanist went on national television telling people to divorce their sick spouses - it would be the Fourth Horseman of the Atheists Want to Drink White Babies' Blood and Make You Gay-calypse! Every traffic jam would be blamed on the statement. "That seven-minute increase to your commute is a sign from GOD that marriage is near extinction and GOD is angry!"

Haven't these bible-babblers been out allegedly "defending" marriage?! Hasn't the Religious Right for an entire seven or eight years now been on one long parade proclaiming the queers will destroy matrimony if they get to legally do it? And now there's this Crypt Keeper (too obscure? Gollum?) guy - arguably with the highest media profile in the Religious Right - saying that divorce is a way better option than being with a sick broad?

This is probably Obama's fault...

Hat tip Right Wing Watch

Americans can be forgiven for assuming Michele Bachmann was deadly serious when she repeatedly joked this weekend that God was using an earthquake and hurricane to send a divine message to restrain federal spending. After all, Bachmann has not only proclaimed time and again that the Almighty called her to seek higher office; in 2009, she joined an evangelical "prayercast" asking for divine intervention to halt health care reform. As it turns out, she has plenty of company among the Republican 2012 White House hopefuls. When it comes to policy foreign and domestic, from frontrunner Rick Perry on down the GOP field is offering the ultimate faith-based initiative.

For years, the leading lights of the Party of Lincoln have been turning Honest Abe's mantra ("My concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side") on its head. But when it comes to making divine intervention the centerpiece of public policy, Texas Governor Rick Perry is hoping to be the chosen one.

Before entering the GOP presidential race, Governor Perry tried in vain to end the drought in Texas by proclaiming "the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas" and urged "Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on those days for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life."

But while God didn't hear Perry's call, Perry heard His. As he explained last month before formally jumping into the GOP race:

"I'm not ready to tell you that I'm ready to announce that I'm in. But I'm getting more and more comfortable every day that this is what I've been called to do. This is what America needs."

If the Lord is calling on Rick Perry to lead the United States, Perry plans to call Him back when it's time to actually run it.

On August 6th in Houston, Governor Perry tunnelled under the wall separating church and state to lead The Response, an evangelical day of prayer and fasting seeking divine intervention for America. As Perry put it:

"I sincerely hope you'll join me in Houston on August 6th and take your place in Reliant Stadium with praying people asking God's forgiveness, wisdom and provision for our state and nation. There is hope for America. It lies in heaven, and we will find it on our knees."

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