Imagine, if you will, an amusement park set to open in the not-too-distant future. But instead of roller coasters and cotton candy, this one will have"juvenile giraffes" and odes to the good ole days. Which to the founders of this wonderland occurred about 6,000 years ago, when man and T-Rex blithely roamed the Earth together.
The year will be 2014. And the land of enchantment that commences operation that year will be a creationism theme park, which will exist aboard a "500-foot-long wooden replica of Noah’s Ark containing live animals," so kids can learn how the Earth really began and ignore all that tripe about the Big Bang.
It will accompany the already rocking Creation Museum in Boone County, Kentucky, which is devoted to a literal interpretation of the biblical story. This leads to certain challenges, of course, as Charles Pierce points out in his book Idiot America, such as providing a theoretical basis for how humans and dinosaurs co-existed, before the latter shuffled off this mortal coil.
Which explains why Creation-Museum dinosaurs are afforded the privilege of donning an "English saddle, hornless and battered," to remind them of their main purpose during their brief terrestrial experience: Serving as our Lippizanners.
Just imagine how much fun the Kentucky Derby must have been back then!
Perhaps, worst of all, not only is this scientific Frankenstein being built, but at the announcement of its pending, um, creation, was not some far-right loon, but the Kentucky Democratic Governor Steve Beshear. Perhaps its simple coincidence that in a year's time, he shall once again stand before the voters of Kentucky as a candidate for governor. And that he arrived at the unveiling with a potential offering of over $37 bn in taxpayer-funded, tourism development incentives.
Yes, I know, surely the Pirates of the Garden of Eden ride will provide jobs and lead to increased tourism for the area, but if the only requirement is to provide visitors with fantasy and pool a few shekels, why not just screen Russ Meyer movies or hand out signed copies of George W. Bush's Decision Points?