In Alabama News....
By bluegal Tuesday Oct 02, 2007 8:02pmOften I feel not so much like a resident of Alabama as an embedded journalist deep behind the enemy lines of wingnut wackiness. Remember this lovely moment from our State Legislature?
This week Alabama's Calhoun County GOP actually honored the punchy State Senator at a dinner, bestowing upon Senator Bishop a boxing trophy. Republicans giving each other awards for bad behavior? Yer kidding.
And then there's the sex toys thingy.
It is illegal to sell a sex toy in Alabama and six other states. The Supreme Court refused to challenge the law this week. In lower court hearings, the State's attorney argued that "it is enough for a legislature to reasonably believe that commerce in the pursuit of orgasms by artificial means for their own sake is detrimental to the health and morality of the State."
The court agreed.
[The woman who challenged the law,] Sherri Williams, owner of Pleasures stores in Huntsville and Decatur, said she was disappointed, but plans to sue again on First Amendment free speech grounds. "My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up," she said.
I don't want C&L readers thinking that Alabamians are prohibited from enjoying sex. It's obvious that Senator Bishop's late mother did, at least once, and we have to assume she did so in Alabama.
If this law's purpose is to outlaw the tools of orgasm, clearly it fails, since we Alabamians can buy (and more to the point, sell) all the video porn, bondage rope, and Boy Butter we want. And smart Alabama shoppers order their sex toys online from Walgreen's anyway. Notice how many of their "sexual wellness products" are "web exclusive" with "free shipping." Coincidence? I think not. (hat tip for the cold dead hand quote to Media Bloodhound.)
Update: WHOA. Too many email inquiries about Boy Butter. Here's the link. You guys are crazy I love ya now get outta here. --BG
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Do they fear pleasure also?
Wow... not only do they get to avoid responsibility, they get rewarded for bad behavior as well. What is this teaching our kids? Talk about family values.
I don’t want C&L readers thinking that Alabamians are prohibited from enjoying sex. It’s obvious that Senator Bishop’s late mother did, at least once, . . .
Perhaps she was just doing her wifely duty. Who's to say?
Alabama and Mississippi exist to make people in my Misourable state feel civilized.
RSA @ 3:
Just lie back and think of England...
There are good people in Alabama, Kansas, etc.
Let's not write off entire states or regions.
RSA @ 3:
If the apple does not fall far from the tree, than I'd say that's the case.
what?...people in Alabama can't by vvvvviiibbbrraaatttooorrrsssss........weeeellll tthhhaaaaaatttsss nnooooo gooooodddd.......
Oh I can't wait for all the "those people" type of comments from the cheap seats about my home state. Go ahead folks, do your best version of O'Reillyesque ignorance like he displayed about his trip to Harlem to have a bite recently. But don't forget it doesn't count when you say it about those you percieve to be white, Southern, or right wing...right?
And I'm not right wing, always voted Dem, and always with thought rather than outrage, but I am damn sick of you all getting your willies hard when you take a shot at the South. And you wonder why more in the South aren't changing voting patterns eh? Well keep taking shots assholes, and they never will.
This post isn't about the article comments which are fair, but I know the commenters are going to take shots as usual.
Every time I hear about the sex toy ban in Alabama all I can think of is "CHECK THE JUDGES ASS!!!!"
Why? because he's obviously got somthing up there.
Pyst,
FWIW, i love the south.
Kinda sounds like the mindset of the people they so fear ... the Islamofascist fundamentalist.
They don't have homosexuality in Alabama either I suppose, and nobody ever masterbates there.
Pyst @ 9:
My father was born and raised in Arkansas. I think you are just a bit paranoid.
VietVet, maybe you do, but check out the comment right after your last one. One of "those people" type of comments as usual, like I said was comming.
Pyst @ 9:
Perhaps if your region wasn't so damn ignorant?
Been there myself and witnessed it with my own 2 eyes for months at a time. I know of what I speak.
Pyst @ 14:
pyst,
i grew up in the midwest
served in the army in Vietnam with southerners
grew to respect 'em
To be fair you don't have a lock on ignorance, plenty of that to go around.
I get the ignorant here in the NE as well as out west.
It just seems there are a proportionately larger percentage of the ignorant south of the Mason-Dixon line.
"I don’t want C&L readers thinking that Alabamians are prohibited from enjoying sex. It’s obvious that Senator Bishop’s late mother did, at least once, and we have to assume she did so in Alabama."
And what makes you think she "enjoyed" it?
According to my aunt - my father's mother used to come downstairs in the middle of the night and bang the pots and pans around. This gives me the definite impression that my grandmother - at least - did NOT enjoy it. Too bad . . . those baptists are WAY too uptight about sex.
*
I can see me acquiring a fast car and going into business as a "vibrator runner". Could be quite lucrative.
I'm the author of this post and I live in Birmingham, Alabama. There is widespread ignorance, fundamentalism, and Republicanism in this state. There are also a great many bright blue dots like me. This article is factually accurate, and I stand behind it, preferably with a motorized sex toy (in the on position) for anyone who voted for the ban.
“My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up,”
I'd love to see Michael Moore get down on that and make a film, "Vibrating for Alabama" :)
My great great grandfather was in Co D 47th Ala. Inf. and took a Yankee bullet at Chickamauga so they could be vibrator free.
“My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up,” she said.
Her HAND? Uh-someone should tell her she's using it in the wrong spot.
Bluegal, I'm so glad that I saw your comments. I live in Alabama and thought that I was the last of the progressive democrats left in this state! To bad our politicians can't think any further than to make laws against personal pleasure and can't make laws to protect and serve our great people!!
Wait a minute..."tools of orgasm?"
My wife and I frequently use our "tools of orgasm" on each other. Does that mean they are outlawing penis' and vaginas"
Wow, theys sum bakword folk.
Alabama orgasms?
What is this country coming to?
Walgreen's carries the Fascinator Shag Throe? In fluffy black stain, no less.
Uhhh, satin, that is. Fluffy black satin.
Pyst,
O'Reilly's getting hell because he stated the thing in such a way that most reasonable people believe he was speaking the truth about his views and subsequent surprise.
Most of the commenters here (not all) clearly are making random one-off comments that serve as one-line comebacks to the post.... not necessarily what they truly believe in their hearts. You know as well as I (I'm a southern boy, yes) that what makes us "Liberal" is the fact that twe challenge all assumptions, even our own - or say we do - and don't discount other human beings on the basis of their birthplace or skin color.
So, back to my original zinger -
Nobody said she enjoyed it. In fact isn't institutional rape (as in, non-consensual sex inside of a marriage) not quite extinct in all 50 states and all over the world? We have no way of knowing -- and no, Senator, I'm not insulting your mother.
btw, Son of a Bitch isn't slur against your mother. That's in one of those "English" lessons you want all the non-English speaking people to take.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/son%20of%20a%20bitch
The definiton from there that applies to the "Boxing" Senator:
what in hell is 'Boy Butter'? or... do I want to know this?
Google it your own self, Dan. - BG
FREUD WEPT
Oh yeah,
The real question here is: does Red State Update have anything to say about this?
Pyst @ 9:
lol.
As a former Alabamian, this just makes me SICK. Everyone I knew as a child was so pro-sex only if it was not well known by others, ESPECIALLY if it was my church bretheren :-) Sex is bad, mmmmmmkayy! Unless, it's me, mmmmmmkay!
What! No Medal of Freedom! Disgraceful.
it is enough for a legislature to reasonably believe that commerce in the pursuit of orgasms by artificial means for their own sake is detrimental to the health and morality of the State.
In other words, the state's power is unlimited. As long as its belief that X is immoral isn't balls-out, blithering-idiot irrational, the state has the power to make X illegal. This is the so called Rational Basis Scrutiny to which unenumerated rights are subjected. It amounts to no scrutiny at all.
Square that doctrine with the following:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men.
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Sorry, it can't be done. Our founding document declared that our right to pursue happiness is inalienable, and that governments exist to secure inalienable rights. Our Constitution says that rights not listed are nevertheless retained, and um, again, our founding document said our right to pursue happiness is inalienable.
And these conservatives on the Court call themselves originalists or textualists? Balderdash!
You see.. this is one reason I can no longer vote for Democrats. They are just wimps and that is the truth. You let a man hit you in the face and do nothing? That would be fine if you were dealing with decent folks but you aren't. These are bad, evil people who don't know anything other than their macho hypocritical bullshit ideology. If that wimp Democrat had whipped that old man's ass -- bloodied him -- I don't think you would see that dickhead getting a "boxing trophy" or whatever the wingnuts think is funny. They wouldn't be yukking it up then.
Yeah yeah...violence isn't the answer and two wrongs don't make a right, right? Well try telling that to these retarded Republican bullies.
Walgreen's is a major contributor to the Republican Party -- remember, always shop blue.
Peace!
I wonder what Alabamans would have though if Webb had knocked out Bush's teeth for his crass remark about Webb's son?
For God's sake, I think there are more serious issues than sex toys. Make your own, already!
kaT @ 40:
The issues are liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I thought they were worth dying for.
CD @ 39:
Man I wish Webb would have. Or at least put Bush on notice by telling him that if he ever mentioned his son again he would be looking at an ass-whipping. Wouldn't that have been hilarious? How do you think that coward Bush would have reacted? He would have pissed himself.
Vibrators, no. Guns and weapons, yes? Nice to know they have their priorities straight. Fer god's sake think of the teenagers :-D
miss_kitty @ 23:
Thanks fer pointin' that out so that the rest of us(I mean me) don't haveta! ;)
sheeple @ 37:
AMEN!
Hey, I went to that Walgreen's link. This stuff's gotta be the shit:
De La Cruz Super Macho High Potency Formula with Bovine Glandular Concentrate Capsules
Gimme a case, and ship it FedEx.
Pyst @ 14:
IS THAT IT?........wow..me thinks your thinned skinned...hey it's your state.....get them to go out and vote...or suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune
Andy K @ 44:
well maybe they use em for flossing.....
miss_kitty @ 23:
:) Well, she does have to hold it in order to use it, right? Or is this some stand-alone model about which I'm sadly ignorant?
search for "suction cup" at cybernooky.com (not making that up) Geez when did I become the expert? - Blue Gal
Who would Jesus punch in the face?
I am so thankful to me out of my native southland in NYC away from those redneck hillbillies.
HHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
need new batteries
Blue Buddha @ 5:
If his momma didn't feel dirty during conception she sure has hell felt dirty once she saw what came out her womb afterwards . It was oo late for the coat hanger then though.
The lesson his fellow Democratic senators should have learned from this video is to kick Bishop in the nuts first, then call him a son of a bitch.
I would present the Democratic senator who did this with a can of Planters nuts at the next Democrat's awards banquet.
so many mouth-breathers so little time
sheeple @ 42:
Much as I dislike violence I'm starting to wonder if it would have jump started Bush's brain if Webb had thumped him.
Added to my previous comment:
Well, whaddayano? And now, I am scanning my room, looking for spots where such an item could feasibly be used. Ehh, never mind. I do fine without it. ;)
I hereby volunteer to provide orgasms to all those poor, bereft Alabama women who can't get them with artificial assistance. I ask only for expenses, and perhaps breakfast.
I guess the act of inbreeding is all the pleasure you need to the low hairliners in 'bama.
Whatcha need a dilda fahr?? when you got ya uncle dinkley!
Pyst @ 9:
You take responsibility for all the idiots in your neighborhood, friend, and people in other parts of the country won't have no reason to talk 'bout y'all. Isn't that how it works? You can't claim those idiots don't exist. You just seem to want to be able to ignore or excuse them and focus on the criticism, as if jokes about ignorant, dangerous fundamentalists were worse than ignorant, dangerous fundamentalists. Well, they're not. We city folk happily voted for Southerners like Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. We're not prejudiced. Hell, I live in NYC. We get Southern immigrants up here all the time, all mixed in with everybody else. We don't care, as long as you don't get in the way! ;)
But don't you dare distract from legitimate criticisms of problem Southerners by screaming "PREJUDICE! PREJUDICE! YOU CAN'T CRITICIZE SOUTHERNERS!" If these types of ignorance and dogma-based stories keep cropping up in the South, what are we supposed to do -- lie about so as not to offend your Southern pride?
Thanks for the advice, but I think I'll continue to call a spade a spade, no matter how many times someone tells me to call it a "height-challenged shovel" in the name of Southern political correctness.
Stop the sale of dildoes.
Promote the sale of dodils.
All profits go to Blackwater.
Clavis @ 57:
Just don't touch my toothbrush.
'Boy Butter'?? I've always considered myself modestly worldly, but what the hell is Boy Butter?
I googled. I goggled.
...There are some things that are just unavoidably messy and awkward, but smothering corn on the cob with fresh butter is no longer one of them. The adorable and downright ingenious Butter Boy makes the whole process fun, easy, neat, and conversation-worthy! Just insert a half stick of butter, pop the top, and press the plunger down to apply an even layer of yumminess...
The mind boggles. I stopped reading after that.
nonny mouse @ 62:
NONNY! I've missed you! How's New Zealand? God, I've give anything to move there. Me. I'm stuck on the couch. Two prolapsed discs, I, uh, had an accident. Don't ask. Hope all is well.
STRAWBB!! My bestest mate! How've ya been?
I had two prolapsed discs too. Still have one, the other got yanked out via a four inch gash in my spine by a really sexy surgeon type. Feel a lot better now.
nonny mouse @ 65:
Yanked? Thanks, I'm gonna lie here til the whooziness passes. Docs are thinking of doing a disc replacment but that means no more squats or deadlifts...you might as well ask me to stop breathing. You're a nanny? I just checked out your site. Wonderful. One day we'l have to meet up. You seem just too cool. Miss you. Come back more often.
Clavis @ 59:
I don't think Pyst was trying to "distract from legitimate criticisms" at all. Pyst was admonishing people to make legitimate criticisms without injecting stereotypes or cheap shots about southernors or the south in general. One can so easily decry the theocratic laws and authoritarian bent of states like Alabama without calling everyone in Alabama an inbred hillbilly, right?
Moreover, Pyst was hardly claiming that southern "idiots don't exist" or that jokes about fundamentalists were worse than fundamentalists themselves. How could you possibly have inferred that? I understood Pyst's post simply as a call to avoid stereotypes when making legitimate criticism.
"...believe that commerce in the pursuit of orgasms by artificial means for their own sake is detrimental to the health and morality of the State.”
Ok! That's it! We have found a way to bring it down!
Guys! Whip it out and whack it good!
Gals, you know what to do.
Let's masturbate until the walls come down!
Can't use anything to masturbate hmmm. Are all the men gonna cut off their hands? Or if handjobs are acceptable, can you use lotion? Lube? Massage Oil? These men are totally threatened by vibrators.
I thought the grand old pervert party was the party of LESS governance. Is Alabama gonna Start up the State Bureau of Anti-Masturbation?
Remember, when vibrators are outlawed, only outlaws will have vibrators.
StrawBB @ 66 - ahh, you sweetie, you peeked at my blog! Glad you liked it; I'm new at this blogging thingie, but getting there.
Problem with prolapsed discs is that if they start pressing on the sciatic nerve, you can do yourself permanent damage - for a lady, that means having that annoying little problem Depends makes all their money off of, and it doesn't ever go away even with all the pelvic floor exercises in the world. A year ago, I couldn't even stand up straight, or walk across a room without pain, or a cane. Tonight, I'm going out Ceroc dancing - French jive - twirling and dipping and spinning, lots of fun. Now all my pain is self-inflicted via a pair of high-heeled dancer's shoes, ow ow ow oh this is fun ow ow ow... Must get some boy butter for my blistered feet...
I know for someone in the States who might be struggling with insurance that it's asking a lot, because my three-day stay in hospital and all my surgery was paid for on the British NHS, but if you've got sciatica, or pins and needles in your foot, seriously think about the surgery. It has meant having my life back.
Oh, and I'm doing weight training again as well, about ten years on and disgusted at what I can benchpress now and what I could then. I've turned into a girlie wuss. In high heels.
"It just seems there are a proportionately larger percentage of the ignorant south of the Mason-Dixon line."
I live in the south, looking for an escape. Anyway, I wouldn't say the south has more ignorant people than the north - in the south they just take more pride in it, is all...
How do they have foreplay in Alabama?
"Sis, you awake?"
What do Alabama women say after sex?
"Get off me Dad, you're crushin' my smokes!"
Strawberry @ 61:
The toothbrush was invented in Alabama.
That's why it's called a TOOTH brush.
way to go walgreen's
Senator Bishop should come on out in the real world and try to defend his mama.
The ole geezer wouldn't make it very long.....Its in his best interest to stay in his gated community where he can hit other old Geezers....
Hey Sen. Bishop you are an S.O.B. I repeat you are an S.O.B. Neo-Nazi repub.
VietVet8666 @ 6:
I'm on the verge of writing off the whole damn country, so Alabama doesn't figure one way or another. A state that refuses to sell sex toys sounds unholy to me. Bluegal, I had no idea you lived there. OMG. Don't you worry about being pilloried and pelted with rotten vegetables? Looks to be the speed of things; a notch above Dark Ages (that would have been the Iron Maiden, or the Rack.)
Evangelical christians hate earthly pleasures. Christians want the entire world to be as miserable as they are. The only pleasure that evangelicals sanction is the sick pleasure that is derived from their persecution of others.
Brandon I'm a Christian who loves good food, fine wine, and orgasms. And I want the world to be happier than I am. Please be less general with your statements - BG
Karen @ 67:
Too much of Pyst's language was way too vague for me to get that specific an admonishment -- saying things like "I am damn sick of you all getting your willies hard when you take a shot at the South" doesn't mean, to me, "don't use egregious stereotypes, but go ahead and make legitimate, rational criticisms", but "Leave us alone, PERIOD."
It seems multiple people have popped in to say "Hey, we're not *all* like that down here." That's why I made my comment. It's very easy to dismiss criticism as either insulting or irrelevant because "It doesn't apply to 100% of us!", but people in any community need to take responsibility for the assholes *in* their community, and I didn't see any admission of responsibility in Pyst's rant -- just a desire for people to lay off so that he/she could continue to avoid taking responsibility his/her assholish neighbors.
What if the sex toy was in the shape of a semi-automatic rifle? Would this be be acceptable tor the wingnuts?
Got Batteries?
My 90 year old grandmother lives in a red county in Alabama that hasn't voted democrat since the Civil War. She already has her Hilllary signs up.
Why do you need dildos in Alabama when day-old hushpuppies will suffice?
nonny mouse @ 63:
Nonny it's not "butter boy" it's "boy butter." Okay Okay I wasn't gonna do this but here's the link. Geez.
It's not the orgasm they fear.
It's women's sexuality.
Specifically, women giving pleasure to themselves without need of a man.
That kind of independence could lead to voting.
OMG--'BoyButter' You'll roast in hell! ROFLMAO! Good one.
In Alabama they had to ban Vibrators. All the women were chipping their teeth.
"I don’t want C&L readers thinking that Alabamians are prohibited from enjoying sex. It’s obvious that Senator Bishop’s late mother did, at least once, and we have to assume she did so in Alabama."
Uh, just because Sen. Bishop exists doesn't mean his mother "enjoyed" conceiving him. His daddy probably had some fun, but I'm betting orgasms weren't on the menu for Mrs. Bishop Sr..
Tee shirt idea: "They can have my vibrator when they pry it from my hot, sticky hand."
Btw: Spot-on, 5by5 (#86)!
Just include a bullet with each one and claim it's a gun. And, of course, the steely dan could be claimed to be ammo.
E Pleb Neesta
GODISNOWHERE
If HPV vaccination and sex-ed cause promiscuity, then confession causes sin.
Don't say "Iraq War, say "Bush's War."
NEVER EVER say surge in any way or context. Say "Bush's Escalation."
I think we have something similar in Texas. They can sell personal sex toys as only "educationally" props. Strange.
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