I'll bet that you didn't know that one of the real advantages for women getting caught up in today's scheduled Rapture is that it makes your boobs perky. Very perky.

I have no idea what it will do for guys. But my guess is that Viagra won't be needed.

In the meantime, the rest of us damned-for-all-eternity schlubs are looking forward to the Tribulation, because it means we won't have to put up with smug Bible-thumping zombies any more. Woo hoo!

The thing is, Pastor Camping's prophecy is really rather grim:

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"The whole universe is going to be destroyed by fire," said California preacher Harold Camping... and the whole world listened.

It's his second apocalyptic prophecy promising the end on May 21st. He got the doomsday date wrong in 1994. This time it seems more people are talking about it largely in part because he's spreading it online. His website sent out customized warnings in nearly every language.

This all reminds me of our old friends at the Church Universal and Triumphant, Elizabeth Clare Prophet's cult who made for some interesting journalistic work back in the 1980s and '90s in Montana:

Primarily due to its doomsday predictions and attempts to establish a self-sufficient community on its 32,000 acre ranch in Montana, the Church Universal and Triumphant has come into considerable conflict with local residents and federal officials alike. The church was propelled into the national spotlight when Prophet predicted a massive Soviet missile strike on the United States for April 23, 1990. She now states that this date did not mean nuclear holocaust, but rather marked the beginning of a 12 year cycle of negative karma for the organization. Nevertheless, members from around the world streamed to the group's ranch, paying up to $12,000 each for space in one of the underground bomb shelters built by staff members. The state of Montana has since banned the church from ever using the shelters again.

My recollection was that when the date came and went, Prophet declared that the cult's fervent prayers had convinced the Lord to spare the Earth for now -- so they saved the world and then went home.

I rather expect we'll hear something like that on Sunday, too.

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Suggestion for Glenn Beck: Just rename your new Fox News show "The Apocalypse Now! Hour" and spare us the pretense. Because the looming-doom schtick is already getting beyond predictable.

Every night it's a new conspiracy, same as the old conspiracy. (Sometimes Beck promises these stories will "make blood shoot out your eyes." Which makes me mostly want to change the channel.) Last week, for instance, we had several episodes on Mexico's impending collapse. Plus the socialism/communism/fascism thing.

On Monday night, it was Iran. For this, he brought in a fellow believer in the notion that Iran wants to bring about Armageddon, an evangelical author named Joel Rosenberg.

Rosenberg and Beck, in fact, together created some of the most bizarre daytime cable-news TV I've ever seen at CNN's Headline News last year, talking insider-fundie Bible babble about the certain signs Jesus was coming back (see here and here for the prime examples).

This time, the ranting is reserved to a conspiracy theory about that new Iranian satellite and the secret meaning of its name.

But Beck also wants us to delve the Biblical meaning of it all:

If I may -- If you look at the extremist Muslim version of the Mahdi, and then you read the Book of Revelation, he suspiciously looks like the Anti-Christ. Seeing that he's the one that's running a one-world government and executing everyone that disagrees with him from Babylon -- I don't know where I've heard that one before.

Are you scared yet?

Me neither. Considering that I've been hearing about the apocalypse around the corner from the likes of Beck, Rosenberg, and Hal Lindsey since I was a kid.

But keep watching Beck, and after awhile you'll be afraid. Of him.

Photo from Brett Marty, more from FiveThirtyEight:

Outside Obama's major economic policy speech in Toledo today. Feels like the End Times for somebody, I am forced to report.

[UPDATE] Just to be clear, we at FiveThirtyEight are against Muslim-murdering Presidential Christian babies !FOR! Ohio.

Cynics' Party: Obama panders to religious fanatics and promises a Jesus-crazy administration. He shouldn't promising to expand the corrupt and unconstitutional Office of Faith-Based Initiatives, he should be promising to investigate their rampant cronyism and close 'em down. Our friend Pastor Dan, takes a slightly different view.

mandroppings: The Department of Homeland Security has deployed 181 'terrorism liaison officers' in Colorado to keep a watchful eye out for anyone engaging in 'suspicious activity.'

TVNews Lies: Yankee Doodle Deadly

Democurmudgeon: Atom Smasher, Black Holes, Strangelets To Swallow The World?

The Satirical Political Report: Citing his Vietnam experience, Forrest Gump announces his candidacy for President.

Go read Addiction: Buying the Cure at Passages Malibu, by frequent Crooks and Liars contributor, Mark Groubert. It's terrific.

Bush's pandering to the religious fanatics today was a political ploy as we know. This move also brought back memories of another terrible time in our history.

Jack Johnson was a famous African American boxer in the early 1900's. He caused quite a stir throughout our country which was captured by PBS in a great documentary about his life.

In December of 1912, an amendment to the Constitution was introduced to abolish racial intermarriage: "Intermarriage between negros or persons of color and Caucasians . . . within the United States . . . is forever prohibited." These anti-micegenation laws were declared unconstitutional by The Supreme Court in 1967.

Corante: Because of Johnson's arrogance and love for white women, many whites considered him a serious threat to racial order. After Johnson married Lucille Cameron (a white woman), two ministers in the South recommended lynching him (Gilmore, 1975, p.107). In a reaction to the Johnson-Cameron marriage, in 1911 Rep. Seaborn Roddenberry of Georgia introduced a constitutional amendment to ban interracial marriages. In his appeal to congress, Roddenberry stated that

"Intermarriage between whites and blacks is repulsive and averse to every sentiment of pure American spirit. It is abhorrent and repugnant. It is subversive to social peace. It is destructive of moral supremacy, and ultimately this slavery to black beasts will bring this nation to a fatal conflict" (Gilmore, 1975, p.108).

Influenced by Roddenberry and others, miscegenation bills were introduced in 1913 in half of the twenty states where this law did not exist.

A Pentagon planning document being updated to reflect the doctrine of pre-emption declared by
President Bush in 2002 envisions the use of nuclear weapons to deter terrorists from using weapons of mass destruction against the United States or its allies....read on

When you are fighting religious fanatics, how will threatening them with nukes help the situation? Do they really think pulling out bigger guns is going to accomplish anything other than to create a new strain of extremism ten times worse than it is now.

Catherine Crier on the Republican" Activist" Court

On H&C last night (9/14). Catherine explained the attempted hijacking of the courts by the radical right wing religious fanatics.

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She puts forth a compelling case that what the extreme religious right wing wants is a "biblical" court not the phony "originalist" term they throw around so often. Crier points out that Clarence Thomas should be considered the most activist judge on the Supreme court. Hannity was stunned that she would see things that way. lol She distinguishes between traditional conservatism and the ulta conservatives that want to:

Catherine:... take over this country-that wants to destroy the separation of powers-that wants basically in many respects a biblical view to govern a secular state.

I'd like to see her verbally flog Mark Levin sometime in the future...

Martyrs' In Iraq Mostly Saudis

Web Sites Track Suicide Bombings

Before Hadi bin Mubarak Qahtani exploded himself into an anonymous fireball, he was young and interested only in "fooling around."

Like many Saudis, he was said to have experienced a religious awakening after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the United States and dedicated himself to Allah, inspired by "the holy attack that demolished the foolish infidel Americans and caused many young men to awaken from their deep sleep," according to a posting on a jihadist Web site... read on

Download | play -WMP Part I (Frontline's expose says it all)

How much more proof do we need that Iraq is a breeding ground for terrorists, no matter how many times the repubs try to deflect it.. We are not fighting evil dictators, but religious fanatics. Nation building does not work against religious fervor. Are we really surprised that most of the hijackers of 9/11 were Saudi's? The administration will never admit that we would have been much better off focusing on Afghanistan and Homeland Security instead of ginning up the evidence and attacking Iraq.

Part II will come hopefully later today.