From The Colbert Report:

In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after he quits CNN.

From The Colbert Report:

America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.

From The Colbert Report:

Karim Sadjadpour describes a math superstar's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.

From The Colbert Report:

Barack Obama loses the New Jersey and Virginia gubernatorial races, and Chris Christie uses Monty Python to attack Jon Corzine.

From The Colbert Report:

The rest of America should follow Arizona's lead and replace the long arm of the law with the invisible hand of the market.

Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.

From The Colbert Report:

The cross has nothing to do with Christianity -- it's just the normal symbol of the resting place of the dead.

From The Colbert Report:

Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.

More brilliance from Stephen.

Colbert: It's like looking into a mirror-- after you've done a ton of coke off of it. Clearly... clearly Glenn Beck... clearly Glenn Beck is as sincere in what he says and does as I am in believing that baby carrots are trying to turn me gay. And folks that is great news. Because if he and I don't believe what we say... and don't mean what we feel, then you our viewers aren't just being intellectually impoverished. You're being emotionally defrauded. And that would be a cynical manipulation of Americans' legitimate fears.

In which case, we shouldn't be on T.V. at all. (Starts sobbing.) And I don't know about Glenn Beck... but that idea makes me very sad. I'm sorry... I just love my paycheck so much.

From The Colbert Report:

Senator Max Baucus will pay for your medical bills from the $3.2 million he's received from the health care industry.

From The Colbert Report:

Republicans and Democrats should march in pride parades and proudly announce their relationship with lobbyists.

From The Colbert Report:

Prevent your valid criticisms of Barack Obama from being unfairly associated with racism by putting on a little blackwashing.

From The Colbert Report:

Tom DeLay looked so happy on the floor of "Dancing With the Stars" you'd think he'd just been arrested on charges of corruption.

From The Colbert Report:

Jeffrey Toobin explains what will happen to elections if the Supreme Court decides in favor of corporations.

From The Colbert Report:

Barney Frank has no interest in arguing with a dining room table, but he can't stifle the voice of American furniture on Stephen's watch.

From The Colbert Report:

If pundits want to save America, they have to do what's wrong to prove they're right.