Best Campaign Finance Reform Story Of The Year
Credit: Gage Skidmore
February 9, 2015

There’s a guy named Marcus Hiles who is a giant fan and contributor to Governor Greg Abbott and Lt. Governor Dan Patrick.

I mean giant to the tune of $702,600 during the past year. Hiles is a developer in Grand Prairie, Texas. So, the boys should have known that Hiles wasn’t donating in hopes of better government, but they liked him anyway because they’re not hoping for good government either.

Hiles was Greg Abbott’s third largest contributor. Hiles was so popular with Abbott that he was named to “the prestigious 2015 Texas Inaugural Committee, which oversaw the swearing-in ceremonies and celebrations for Abbott and Patrick last month.”

Wow, that’s some high cotton.

Dan Patrick named Hiles to his advisory board.

Then the Dallas Morning News did what both Abbott and Patrick should have done before becoming beholding to Marcus Hiles.

One of the largest donors to Gov. Greg Abbott and Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick pleaded guilty two years ago to a domestic violence charge that included an accusation he choked a woman into unconsciousness.

Yep. Marcus Hiles. The incident was in October of 2012 in Las Vegas.

It’s a seedy story. Hills met a 29 year old dancer at a Gentleman’s Club in January of 2012 and that “he had purchased a $160,000 Bentley for the woman, lent her $150,000 in cash and bought her expensive jewelry.”

At a party in Vegas, she “left his side for a little while” and that upset him. I get that. A man buys arm candy. A man expects that arm candy to stand still, dammit. So, he beat her up. Badly.

So here we’ve got us a woman whacker hosting the Gubernatorial Inauguration and sitting on Texas government advisory boards because he bought and paid for that, too, just like he bought and paid for a 29 year old dancer.

Somebody get Dan and Greg a pole and put on some music because they, too, are arm candy.

After being informed of Hiles’ admission of guilt in the case, both Dan and Greg say they are donating his contributions to women’s shelters because they are incensed at domestic violence.

Yeah, they are so incensed that they can’t even look at it, so they just look away.

I have to tell you something. Even without the whacking, I imagine most Republicans would not like the idea of a man who buys arm candy being on Republican advisory boards.

It boils down to this: a whore is a whore. Dan Patrick and Greg Abbott are whores. And now, kinda like Hiles’ girlfriend, they have a black eye, too. But the only pain they felt is the excruciating pain of returning money you thought was yours. That’s real hard for Republicans.

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